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I posted here last month and have an update to my story. I'm pretty gutted and could do with some advice.
I'm a gay male and my boyfriend of 6 months is bisexual. He had recently left his long-term girlfriend when we got together.
In my previous thread, I was concerned about some messages between my BF and his ex. All the advice on here was very much appreciated. Sadly I've still had insecurities and tonight I've looked at his phone while he was sleeping. (He has a passcode but I watched him enter it to find out what it was).
My gut instincts were correct as there were many more messages between him and the ex. Just the other day he texted her saying he knows he wants them to be together but the fact he ended it and found someone else so quickly is something he could never forgive himself for, and that is the reason things are the way they are. She didn't say much, she just said she wants him to be happy. He told her he's happy with me but it wasn't that simple.
I don't know how I was able to keep it all in without telling him that I saw them. I just walked home and made up some excuse that I had a migraine, and now I'm posting on here... he's texting asking if I'm okay and I don't know how much longer I can hold it in.
At least he didnt tell her he was miserable with me, that's something I guess. But he said he wants to be with her... I just... what am I meant to think after seeing that? Some advice would be appreciated. I don't know what to do. I love this man.
Generally when one goes snooping to find something they should not be surprised when they find it.
You do not trust this man so you have walked away, stay away, no contact and move on.
I'm really sorry this is happening to you. I'm not sure that I could continue in a relationship with someone like that. I don't think that I would feel the same way about the person after seeing that.
OP, you are in a relationship with a person you don't trust, who is not exactly truthful about his feelings, who would probably drop you in a hot minute if she would take him back, who is still in love with his ex. Are you really satisfied with someone who's "at least not miserable" with you?
I suspect you won't do it, but before you get even more invested you should break up with him. Don't just disappear though. Let him know why you're doing it.
OP, you are in a relationship with a person you don't trust, who is not exactly truthful about his feelings, who would probably drop you in a hot minute if she would take him back, who is still in love with his ex. Are you really satisfied with someone who's "at least not miserable" with you?
I suspect you won't do it, but before you get even more invested you should break up with him. Don't just disappear though. Let him know why you're doing it.
You need to figure this out on your own. All we can tell you; is to stop snooping, say something to him, or leave. All this sneaking around and keeping secrets is no way to conduct a proper relationship. Otherwise, it's essentially over.
You're right that have trust issues and need to stop snooping. I'm going to try as hard as I can to overcome it.
Now I've calmed down I feel a little better. I'm holding on to the fact that "he's happy with me" and think that's a good sign and does make me feel better. I'm not sure what he meant by "but it isn't that simple" after he told her he's happy with me as it's a very vague and confusing statement...
Hokie, you think he might still be in love with her. Obviously if he is that's a deal breaker for me, but the fact he wasn't exactly fighting for her to trying to convince her he'd do everything to make it up to her, it makes me think that no he can't be in love with her?
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