Is a significant other who calls other people ugly a turn-off? (dating, boyfriend)

[Astral_Weeks]

I have been dating a woman who has made some not so kind remarks about the men dating her sister and her best friend. Specifically she called them both ugly (to me personally, not to anyone else as far as I know).

We did a double date with her best friend and her friend's boyfriend. Before the date she told me the guy is ugly (physically speaking). So there we are on the date and we are walking behind her friend and she is whispering in my ear, "See how ugly he is, etc." Again, her comments could only be heard by me.

Finally, I showed her a photo of a good friend of mine as a potential set up for her friend. Her reaction, "He is ugly."

I might be old fashioned but I was raised to believe if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all. Also, it is probably not a good idea to judge people purely by their appearance, etc.

For what it is worth the lady making these "ugly" remarks is 26 years old. In addition, although I am a straight guy, I know the guy friend of mine is very successful with women and I think most women would rate him as above average in looks.

[ClaraC]

Does she have some kind of misguided idea that calling other men ugly is a weird complement to you - as in I don't find any other guy but you attractive? As in, you don't have to worry about me going for that guy!

It does seem like weird behavior. Otherwise, does she do other things that are off-putting?

[codergirl]

Originally Posted by Astral_Weeks

I have been dating a woman who has made some not so kind remarks about the men dating her sister and her best friend. Specifically she called them both ugly (to me personally, not to anyone else as far as I know).

We did a double date with her best friend and her friend's boyfriend. Before the date she told me the guy is ugly (physically speaking). So there we are on the date and we are walking behind her friend and she is whispering in my ear, "See how ugly he is, etc." Again, her comments could only be heard by me.

Finally, I showed her a photo of a good friend of mine as a potential set up for her friend. Her reaction, "He is ugly."

I might be old fashioned but I was raised to believe if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all. Also, it is probably not a good idea to judge people purely by their appearance, etc.

For what it is worth the lady making these "ugly" remarks is 26 years old. In addition, although I am a straight guy, I know the guy friend of mine is very successful with women and I think most women would rate him as above average in looks.

That is a MAJOR turn-off for me because that shows that person's real character as a human being.How long can one put up with that negativity?

[BirdieBelle]

Regardless of what the other person looked like, her calling someone "ugly" repeatedly like that is very unattractive. It reveals an overt emphasis on outward appearance that is shallow.

I would have been like, "OK, I got it. You think he's ugly. Can we move on now???"

No thank you

[rego00123]

Depends on the context it is presented within

[CapsChick]

She sounds pretty ugly herself, regardless of her appearance.

[stan4]

Originally Posted by Astral_Weeks

I have been dating a woman who has made some not so kind remarks about the men dating her sister and her best friend. Specifically she called them both ugly (to me personally, not to anyone else as far as I know).

We did a double date with her best friend and her friend's boyfriend. Before the date she told me the guy is ugly (physically speaking). So there we are on the date and we are walking behind her friend and she is whispering in my ear, "See how ugly he is, etc." Again, her comments could only be heard by me.

Finally, I showed her a photo of a good friend of mine as a potential set up for her friend. Her reaction, "He is ugly."

I might be old fashioned but I was raised to believe if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all. Also, it is probably not a good idea to judge people purely by their appearance, etc.

For what it is worth the lady making these "ugly" remarks is 26 years old. In addition, although I am a straight guy, I know the guy friend of mine is very successful with women and I think most women would rate him as above average in looks.

She doesn't sound like a very nice person.
Someone who has to go around commenting on other people's looks like that...there's something wrong with her.

Sad. She probably thinks she's a good person. She's not.

[Astral_Weeks]

Originally Posted by ClaraC

Does she have some kind of misguided idea that calling other men ugly is a weird complement to you - as in I don't find any other guy but you attractive? As in, you don't have to worry about me going for that guy!

Perhaps. You could be right.

Here is something else she does which is strange: A female co-worker of her's commented that she thought I was cute. She was not pleased by this as in it made her jealous.

Also, her best friend mentioned above came up in a conversation when she mentioned the ugly boyfriend. I told her that yes her female friend is attractive. I meant it as a compliment, nothing else. She got visibly upset that I would say this. Like it made her jealous.

[ClaraC]

Astral, I think she's kind of weird, but it does seem she's trying to make sure you're not jealous.

I have to ask - are these guys really quite ugly - or is saying that about average looking guys?

[ipaper]

If it really bothers you, then say something. If it don't really bother you, then just ignore it and say nothing. Best to go ahead and address the issues and get it out the way, or just get used to her calling guys ugly.