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Admittedly I'm pretty new here and I don't want to speak in general terms as every situation is unique .
However, it's really disturbing that so many threads , when it comes to problems in the relationships , the majority of advice I see is predicated toward moving on and finding someone else .
Just curious if that's because of the divorce filled society we live in and what seems normal in today's world or if it's just because for someone to have to post here , we assume that there situation must be that bad that it only makes sense to move on .
Again not saying everyone does it just sad to think that's what the world is now . Whatever happened to fighting for a relationship and trying to work things out ? Yes life is to short to be miserable but people shouldn't just quit at the smallest signs of trouble in relationships .
Again , just curious as to why the advice to move on is so common here ?
It depends on the situation and the chances for change. I agree with you that's how it seems, but a lot of people with experience can look back and see themselves in a situation similar and maybe are projecting, wishing they hadn't wasted years on the inevitably unfix-able, and just moved on. My opinion. Pick your battle and do what's best for you.
When I advise someone to leave a relationship, it's based on clues I pick up on in their own words.
I also take into account a person's age and the general emotional maturity reflected in their approach to the issue and their reaction to the feedback they get.
Of course, I do include my own life experience and the perspective it gives me when offering advice because a lot of times you know what kinds of problems can be resolved and what kinds cannot be tolerated.
We live in a more disposable world than ever before. You could make a strong arguement for maintaining a healthy relationship to be harder than ever before bc of this.
When I suggest a poster 'move on' it is usually because if they continue to contact the person that already rejected them, the poster may end up with a restraining order or other undesirable outcome.
I agree, see far too much of a "kick them to the curb" mentality here on CD. Half of the time it's from people that are pretty much clueless about relationships to begin with.
the reason divorce is usually suggested, is because it is way to easy to offer a stranger the easy way out. You also have kids, from dysfunctional families, who do not understand why mom stayed with her husband , who had a drinking problem, etc. Finally , a burned divorcee has a bias from their experience. Tv makes it look so easy.
It is a good idea when people come on this forum, to get opinion on personal matters. You dont really want to involve family or close friends in your business. so, the OP always has to weed out the bad advice, and take in the good advice.
I would offer advice of divorce, only in circumstances of infidelity, hardcore drug use, physical violence or manipulation, some serious offenses/ abusive conduct. No hope is no hope.
But I would not offer it for some dumb crap that can be remedy with some counseling or understanding. Most marry because of love, trust, commitment. Marriage is serious business, and if 2 people cant commit long term, or if there is some doubt, should not be getting married to begin with.
I would also not offer advice on Divorce, if it is because of outsiders meddling in an adult couples business. What business is it of anyone, besides the couple, to interfere ? It is much easier to cut out/ shut off a friend, cousins, sibling,relatives negative comments, than it is to divorce the one you love.
OP, there is a good bit of bad advice given. And it is often given with a cloak of authority and certainty.
Last edited by matisse12; 07-25-2017 at 11:56 PM..
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