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So, I talk to this girl on match and I tell her I will call her on Thursday at 8pm. Unfortunately I miss calling her at 8pm because work calls me at 7:40pm
If you were really interested in her, you would have texted her right then and told her you would text her later after your work call was over.
I'm guessing she has been burned too many times from men who flake on her.
Probably. But now she is starting her own fires.
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Yeah, but she assumed he was a jerk, if she would have listened to him explain and then just take him at his word. It's a small transgression. Who wants some crazy person who thinks everyone is out to get them?
Being almost an hour late for the FIRST call, the first impression he left is that he's not reliable. It's not about paranoia, it's about wanting to pick someone who is going to be reliable and keep their word.
If you show up an hour late for your first day on a new job, chances are they're going to be making some assumptions they might have made a mistake in hiring you.
Being almost an hour late for the FIRST call, the first impression he left is that he's not reliable. It's not about paranoia, it's about wanting to pick someone who is going to be reliable and keep their word.
But he had a reasonable explanation, stuff happens. I still think he should have texted.
Example:
Guy asked me out, we set-up everything. He called me a few days before and apologized (quite nicely) that he spaced out that he promised a guy friend he would show up to his MMA fight. I told him it's cool, I'm all about supporting friends (I've forgotten stuff too). I could have assumed the guy was a flake and read him the riot act.
He was so appreciative, he asked if I would consider attending with him. I said sure, I like fights. He thought THAT was so cool that he called and cancelled with his guy friend and took me out for dinner and dancing.
In both cases the first impression was that the guy was unreliable. In both cases it was no big deal.
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But he had a reasonable explanation, stuff happens. I still think he should have texted.
Example:
Guy asked me out, we set-up everything. He called me a few days before and apologized (quite nicely) that he spaced out that he promised a guy friend he would show up to his MMA fight. I told him it's cool, I'm all about supporting friends (I've forgotten stuff too). I could have assumed the guy was a flake and read him the riot act.
He was so appreciative, he asked if I would consider attending with him. I said sure, I like fights. He thought THAT was so cool that he called and cancelled with his guy friend and took me out for dinner and dancing.
In both cases the first impression was that the guy was unreliable. In both cases it was no big deal.
In one case the guy showed some reliability by letting you know BEFOREHAND that he was going to miss the planned event.
In the other case the woman initiated contact to find out where the guy was.
Seems like it would have been better if you texted her on your way to your work call or right before leaving for the work call to let her know you cannot call at 8pm because of the unexpected work call.
Waiting for a phone call that does not occur has an element of humiliation or embarrassment or lack of interest - so it angered her when you did not text about not being able to call.
On the other hand, texting didn't even exist until somewhat recently. So you would have needed to call to say the 8pm call is not coming.
Seems like it would have been better if you texted her on your way to your work call or right before leaving for the work call to let her know you cannot call at 8pm because of the unexpected work call.
Waiting for a phone call that does not occur has an element of humiliation or embarrassment or lack of interest - so it angered her when you did not text about not being able to call.
On the other hand, texting didn't even exist until somewhat recently. So you would have needed to call to say the 8pm call is not coming.
Yes, this exactly. I have been there, and you feel stupid sitting there waiting and waiting. You go through a range of emotions, and often by the time the person calls, the excitement of a new possibility has dimmed and the anticipation turned to disappointment and anger, both at the person who it appears has"stood you up", and at yourself for being naive. The vibe is ruined by the time you talk to them.
I personally would not call an hour after I said I would, especially when it's a first impression. I would have asked my boss or whoever if they can hold for a second, then texted the person a quick message. It's not like OP was on a scheduled call, I highly doubt they'd be upset if you needed a minute to push back an obligation so you can give them your full attention.
10-15 minutes, that's okay....an hour late is rude IMO.
Yes, this exactly. I have been there, and you feel stupid sitting there waiting and waiting. You go through a range of emotions, and often by the time the person calls, the excitement of a new possibility has dimmed and the anticipation turned to disappointment and anger, both at the person who it appears has"stood you up", and at yourself for being naive. The vibe is ruined by the time you talk to them.
So why wouldn't you end up happy when you learned that wasn't the case?
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I don't understand why everybody is saying he should have texted. He just said he couldn't. The call was UNEXPECTED. Meaning, you're going about your lovely day getting ready to call a girl in 20 minutes and BOOM, work calls. You had no idea this was going to happen. So you take the call and you have to do stuff during the call so you can't text. That happens. You think you'll just apologize when it's done, not knowing when it'll be done, as it was unexpected.
Maybe I'm just used to having no expectations from anyone anymore, especially when it comes to dating, but if it was me who was getting stood up for a phone call, I would have done something else and forgotten about it. And if it really bothered me, I would have just ignored him and moved on. The fact that they still set something up and it seemed like she flaked on him last minute on purpose is pretty messed up. A lot of people are so set on "getting even" it's sick.
I don't understand why everybody is saying he should have texted. He just said he couldn't. The call was UNEXPECTED. Meaning, you're going about your lovely day getting ready to call a girl in 20 minutes and BOOM, work calls. You had no idea this was going to happen. So you take the call and you have to do stuff during the call so you can't text. That happens. You think you'll just apologize when it's done, not knowing when it'll be done, as it was unexpected.
Maybe I'm just used to having no expectations from anyone anymore, especially when it comes to dating, but if it was me who was getting stood up for a phone call, I would have done something else and forgotten about it. And if it really bothered me, I would have just ignored him and moved on. The fact that they still set something up and it seemed like she flaked on him last minute on purpose is pretty messed up. A lot of people are so set on "getting even" it's sick.
very good points, GKelly. I originally thought he meant he had to leave his house to go help someone with a computer. Apparently, it involved just talking on the phone with someone from work.
I do like your points. Especially the one about how some people are intent upon 'getting even'.
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