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I know. I can't help it. I think every woman wants a boyfriend, and is excited when they meet someone new whom you click with. I don't want to rush. I want it to work and last. I wish I was less obsessive. Its just hard not to be.
I know. I can't help it. I think every woman wants a boyfriend, and is excited when they meet someone new whom you click with. I don't want to rush. I want it to work and last. I wish I was less obsessive. Its just hard not to be.
You CAN help it; you just won't.
I'm going to link to these posts again, because you need to read them. I also think it would help you to go back and read ALL your posts since you joined here to see that the pattern you've established hasn't really changed, and that you haven't grown as much as you should have emotionally. You're stuck in an adolescent mindset, and it's not good.
That is why you're SO worried about getting ghosted and rejected.
The best thing for you would be to get out of your head, where you so love to be, and focus outward for a change. Make concerted efforts to focus on other people and do things for others so that you don't think so hard and so deeply about what an amazing person you think you are.
It's painfully clear that you are not ready to date. Another person cannot give you the constant validation you need. You need to work with a professional counselor to understand self-worth and how to regulate your emotions so that eventually you CAN have a loving relationship.
You CAN change, and you need to, because right now, if you proceed as you are, your ego will continue to drive your behaviors, and you will continue to drive men away.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
Bad idea. You'll just be using guys to make yourself feel better. It's so obvious.
You know, I could try to drive from TN to California in an old car that has an oil leak and needs a tune up, and I'd probably make it ... eventually ... but the thing would regularly break down on the side of the road. I'd have to keep adding oil just to make it go, and I would be very sad and frustrated along the way.
Or I could fix the leak and whatever else is wrong with the car before attempting the trip, have a nice drive and keep using the car after arriving.
You need to stop relying on your friends for advice and get therapy. I really don't like to say that to everyone here, but you really really do.
The worst part is that I gave you almost identical advice on your first post back in 2013. Fix YOU first, then worry about "getting a boyfriend."
I know. I can't help it. I think every woman wants a boyfriend, and is excited when they meet someone new whom you click with. I don't want to rush. I want it to work and last. I wish I was less obsessive. Its just hard not to be.
As a guy, though, who wants a relationship, this is actually a turn-off. It sounds like you need something to work. But, it should just work when it does happen, naturally.
Just let things naturally progress. I understand the whole "this is new and exciting" phase, but...it's only been 3 weeks. Give it some time. But don't bombard him with questions if he's seeing other girls/still on dating apps. That's a big clue as to why he knows you have trust issues. He seems to like you a lot so far, based off what you say. But don't scare him off.
I know. I can't help it. I think every woman wants a boyfriend, and is excited when they meet someone new whom you click with. I don't want to rush. I want it to work and last. I wish I was less obsessive. Its just hard not to be.
IMHE, guys are not complicated--they demonstrate their intentions right off the bat. If he had tried to sleep with you on the first date, he would be communicating that he is primarily interested in sex (and, most likely, a short-but-passionate fling) with you. Since he is taking it slow, it most likely means that he is interested in a long-term relationship with you.
Yes, he likes you, which is why he is taking it slow. However, he is probably able to take it slow b/c he is seeing other people. And you are eager to lock it in b/c you are not.
Not to freak you out, but, as others on this thread have hinted, you two are not exclusive. Therefore, it is quite possible that he is seeing other women with whom he is having sex, which makes it easier for him to take it slow with you. Or, he could be seeing other women but not having sex with anyone until he decides who he definitely wants to be with.
If you are not exclusive, then why aren't you seeing other people? I think that it might be a good idea, as you seem to be pinning all of your hopes on this relationship working out, waiting until this guy decides that you are "the one." This gives him an awful lot of power and control, which is (understandably) making you anxious.
I want it to work and last. I wish I was less obsessive. Its just hard not to be.
Practice/learn Self control! BE less obsessive!
It's fantastic that you realize you have that issue, so work on it...
Anything worth having doesn't come easy - stop trying to rush things!!!
Maybe it's just the skeptic in me but this guy seems full of it to me. Obviously, the reason he is okay just cuddling with you is because he probably has some other chick on the side. All I can say is keep your guard up and don't rush anything.
Meh, personally I think way too many people put too much faith in these ideas of what a "healthy relationship" should look like. Let's face it, we've all got our own issues...I'd suggest the best bet is to find someone who's issues play nicely with your issues.
Yeah, I agree that 3 weeks isn't that long. But why tell her to see other people? If she likes this guy she isn't going to be interested in other guys, let her be happy. I admit I do the same thing. When I get more than 3 dates in with someone that I find really interesting, I start ending any other conversations I have going with other women.
OP, in my opinion, I'd approach it a little different. First, don't bring up the Bumble thing it just makes you seem like you're spying on someone that you aren't exclusive with. Second, when you get home, go on a couple more dates and if they're going as well as the earlier dates, have the exclusive conversation in a week or two. It's not like you're talking about moving in together, you're just talking about agreeing to not see other people because you're interested in each other. If that goes well, have at it. Enjoy the relationship.
Meh, personally I think way too many people put too much faith in these ideas of what a "healthy relationship" should look like. Let's face it, we've all got our own issues...I'd suggest the best bet is to find someone who's issues play nicely with your issues.
Yeah, I agree that 3 weeks isn't that long. But why tell her to see other people? If she likes this guy she isn't going to be interested in other guys, let her be happy. I admit I do the same thing. When I get more than 3 dates in with someone that I find really interesting, I start ending any other conversations I have going with other women.
OP, in my opinion, I'd approach it a little different. First, don't bring up the Bumble thing it just makes you seem like you're spying on someone that you aren't exclusive with. Second, when you get home, go on a couple more dates and if they're going as well as the earlier dates, have the exclusive conversation in a week or two. It's not like you're talking about moving in together, you're just talking about agreeing to not see other people because you're interested in each other. If that goes well, have at it. Enjoy the relationship.
Thats what I sort of did. Up until a week ago I was talking and seeing a few other guys. I'm still sort of talking to one guy. I started cutting out and cutting back on the guys because things with this guy were going well, we were three dates out and planning more and I liked him more than the others.
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You'll just be using guys to make yourself feel better. It's so obvious. 
