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I just found out the other day that my girlfriend has a terminal illness. This is my first time in my life I'm dealing with this. It's a lot to take in for me. She was given 7 years, which seems like a long time, but at my age, 47, time goes super fast and it's not a long time. She doesn't want a relationship because she feels it's not fair to me to bring me into this. She is set on that decision. Any advice out here would be greatly appreciated as I don't want to dwell on this. I want to enjoy the time we still have together.
The time lines are not set in set in stone. My friend was told she had 5 years, & that was 11 years ago. Treatments improve all the time. Just be there for her, tell her you still want to be friends, but understand that she may not want to hurt you.
I have some kind of peripheral experience with this. My best friend and her mother both died within 6 months of each other from terminal illnesses. I'm very sorry that you and your girlfriend are going through this.
First, as evening sun points out, there is nothing set in stone. I know so many people who have beaten the odds by significant margins, even if they haven't been completely cured. There's others who don't even make the time frame offered by the doctor. What your medical professionals tell you is the average of all expectations, so what happens in reality can be very different.
I think you need to decide how much you can give her in terms of support and then plan to stick with that for the duration. The last thing she needs is someone promising to be there for her and then getting bored or burnt out and drifting away. Do not over-promise. But if you care about her, you shouldn't just walk away unless that is genuinely what she wants.
People survive past the time they are given, but I guess I the main issue is her wanting to break-up?
I guess I would tell her that if she wants to break-up to do it for herself if that is what she wants and needs, but you are a big boy and can make those decisions for yourself, and you will be there if she changes her mind.
How long have you been dating and how long has she known she was sick? It IS going to take her some time to process that.
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I just found out the other day that my girlfriend has a terminal illness. This is my first time in my life I'm dealing with this. It's a lot to take in for me. She was given 7 years, which seems like a long time, but at my age, 47, time goes super fast and it's not a long time. She doesn't want a relationship because she feels it's not fair to me to bring me into this. She is set on that decision. Any advice out here would be greatly appreciated as I don't want to dwell on this. I want to enjoy the time we still have together.
Tell her you are already into this. Remind her you'd prefer any number of years with her to anything else.
I'd also remind her, for whatever length of time you are together already, either of you could have, God Forbid, died in any number of ways. That would not change what you have.
I lost a very SO to brain cancer. What I gained along the way was a fantastic relationship.
I feel bad for you. But her decision is making it worse.
I just found out the other day that my girlfriend has a terminal illness. This is my first time in my life I'm dealing with this. It's a lot to take in for me. She was given 7 years, which seems like a long time, but at my age, 47, time goes super fast and it's not a long time. She doesn't want a relationship because she feels it's not fair to me to bring me into this. She is set on that decision. Any advice out here would be greatly appreciated as I don't want to dwell on this. I want to enjoy the time we still have together.
I am so sorry to hear this. Enjoy the time you have with her. Just let her have the space that she needs. She may think this over and then come back to you. It is not uncommon for people to get news of something like this and then want to be alone. I don't know how long you two have been together.
Tell her you are already into this. Remind her you'd prefer any number of years with her to anything else.
I'd also remind her, for whatever length of time you are together already, either of you could have, God Forbid, died in any number of ways. That would not change what you have.
I lost a very SO to brain cancer. What I gained along the way was a fantastic relationship.
I feel bad for you. But her decision is making it worse.
That's a great point. Lost my first husband to a heart attack, no warning and instant death.
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
I just found out the other day that my girlfriend has a terminal illness. This is my first time in my life I'm dealing with this. It's a lot to take in for me. She was given 7 years, which seems like a long time, but at my age, 47, time goes super fast and it's not a long time. She doesn't want a relationship because she feels it's not fair to me to bring me into this. She is set on that decision. Any advice out here would be greatly appreciated as I don't want to dwell on this. I want to enjoy the time we still have together.
Tell her that it's too late to decide whether or not you two have a relationship because you already do. And it is not within you to bail. So sorry for this circumstance in your life. Amid the tragedy, however, it's important to know that you have the character and the staying power to not leave her side in a time of fear and uncertainty.
Tell her that people outlive prediction (Valerie Harper).
And finally, if you love her, tell her, every single day for the rest of her life.
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