Does a good marriage take lots of hard work? (wife, love, husband)
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So many of my coworkers at the office are always telling me how hard they are working on their marriages. The common refrain is a good marriage is really hard and takes lots of work. Anything of value has a price.
I don't know if I agree. My marriage to my husband is really good and we don't work that hard at it at all, it just comes naturally. Because we are compatible we are able to make decisions that impact both of us easily because we think alike. Our moods and communications styles are the same. We have the same basic interests and viewpoint towards money.
Why all this talk about hard work? Marriages that last and are successful come easily because of compatibility!
So many of my coworkers at the office are always telling me how hard they are working on their marriages. The common refrain is a good marriage is really hard and takes lots of work. Anything of value has a price.
I don't know if I agree. My marriage to my husband is really good and we don't work that hard at it at all, it just comes naturally. Because we are compatible we are able to make decisions that impact both of us easily because we think alike. Our moods and communications styles are the same. We have the same basic interests and viewpoint towards money.
Why all this talk about hard work? Marriages that last and are successful come easily because of compatibility!
So many of my coworkers at the office are always telling me how hard they are working on their marriages. The common refrain is a good marriage is really hard and takes lots of work. Anything of value has a price.
I don't know if I agree. My marriage to my husband is really good and we don't work that hard at it at all, it just comes naturally. Because we are compatible we are able to make decisions that impact both of us easily because we think alike. Our moods and communications styles are the same. We have the same basic interests and viewpoint towards money.
Why all this talk about hard work? Marriages that last and are successful come easily because of compatibility!
Do you agree or disagree?
i disagreee 100% but i guess there's marriages that aren't much work. like if one person is submissive all of the time i guess it's easy to let one person run everything. my wife is a very strong individual and has her own ways and opinions. i'm the same way so we have to work and compromise all of the time.
it's work and it's worth it. congratulations on your ideal situation.
Op, I agree. I think if you find someone you adore AND you are already on the same wavelength about *everything*, then it's not much work. My wife and I are this way...there's really not much about life we disagree on...so that diminishes conflict enormously. Most especially because we are completely on the same page with $$$. THAT seems to be the big argument everyone else is having.
Also, both of us are good at putting our pride away when it comes to someone having a problem - we feel safe bringing up topics of contention and we can discuss them rationally and without feeling we are in enemy camps.
The work part comes in avoiding complacency. It's hard for some people (myself included) to be nice all the time, be polite all the time, be considerate all the time. Again, I am lucky bc my wife makes it really easy and she is incredibly thoughtful when it comes to taking care of me, but you can see how it would be tough if this wasn't your nature in the first place.
I think this is personality question. How one match with another, is there need for compromices or are lifestyles and opinions so same that life goes on like a dance.
I agree that hard work is NOT always needed, if you're really compatible and have each other's best interests and happiness at heart. As opposed, for example, to being self-centered or righteous. Of course, there are occasionally situations that require some of this "work," but they are infrequent for us. Mostly, the only effort I notice being needed - most of the time - is to refrain from saying something that may be taken negatively - it either doesn't need to be said, or can be phrased better. (We've been together over 11 years, if that matters, and neither of us is submissive or aggressive. Our values and priorities are very similar.)
So many of my coworkers at the office are always telling me how hard they are working on their marriages. The common refrain is a good marriage is really hard and takes lots of work. Anything of value has a price.
I don't know if I agree. My marriage to my husband is really good and we don't work that hard at it at all, it just comes naturally. Because we are compatible we are able to make decisions that impact both of us easily because we think alike. Our moods and communications styles are the same. We have the same basic interests and viewpoint towards money.
Why all this talk about hard work? Marriages that last and are successful come easily because of compatibility!
Do you agree or disagree?
Even the best marriages require some amount of work. But you have to keep in mind what each person considers hard work. IMO, a lot of people like to think they're working hard, but they're really not. They just want things to come easy and the moment they have to do any kind of work, they complain about it. Sure if you marry the wrong person, you'll have to work harder to keep that marriage alive. But work is almost a foreign concept to some people. They get into a relationship and think they can just coast, that all the heavy lifting is behind them. They're naive because they buy into this idea that love conquers all and that if you're with the right person, you shouldn't have to do anything.
The better the marriage, the less work the relationship itself requires. That's not to say that there is no work involved, but ideally, the work has more to do with facing life's troubles together--job loss, grief, financial strain, illness and injury--than facing each other.
Aside from natural compatibility and common values, I think the couples who succeed with seemingly little effort are those who have learned to pick their battles and not sweat the small stuff.
The better the marriage, the less work the relationship itself requires. That's not to say that there is no work involved, but ideally, the work has more to do with facing life's troubles together--job loss, grief, financial strain, illness and injury--than facing each other.
Aside from natural compatibility and common values, I think the couples who succeed with seemingly little effort are those who have learned to pick their battles and not sweat the small stuff.
Picking battles is important.
Even more important, I think, is realizing that you're always on the same team. I don't know about you guys, but I don't want anything but the best for my wife and for her to feel awesome and happy all the time. I assume she feels the same way for me. So you have to try to remember that the person you're dealing with isn't some enemy who wants something that isn't in your best interests. It's your partner...your success is their success and vice versa.
I think people forget that a lot and it's me me me me me me me...or they get petty and have to be right or prove a point or something.
There will come a time when you will be tested. Life will just do that to you. Use the good times to develop good communication skills. You will need them down the road.
It's not work all of the time. Just some of the time.
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