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I am 20 years old and my boyfriend are 21 year, we love eachother but lately my past has been “catching up to me”. Before I met my current boyfriend, there was other mans in my life. This “time before him” plays on his mind a lot and he’s having a difficult time letting it go. I had 3 boyfriends before him. I had first boyfriend when I was 15 year old. My current boyfriend says that it was to early and that is not ok beacuse I was little girl (child) when I was 15 year old.
I, on the other hand, feel that it’s in the past and not something that should be brought into our future. We totally disagree about it!
My previous ‘sexual partners" is a topic that is always brought up whenever we are arguing or are having a deep conversation.
He’s always said “There are choices and then there are consequences of these choices.” I just don’t think it’s fair that I should lose him because of my past and because he’s jealous. He believes that it’s compromising his values that we stay together because of “how I was before him”.
He turns on me like that whenever he has any “bad” thoughts about me. It’s frustrating and the fact that he’s so stuck in the past is ruining our relationship.
I’ve never given him a reason not to trust me in our relationship and the distrust he has towards me is completely unnecessary and all in his mind.
There are so many things in our*arguments/deep talks*I want to say and share my point of view of but it’s as if my head just freezes, when I finally have the opportunity to speak.
My boyfriend is a man who’s very good with words (more than the usual guy) and he’s pretty much the one running the show in all of our talks.
I guess I let him because I feel like it’s my fault and I’m the reason he has these “bad” thoughts about me. He loves me but sometimes – and too often – these “bad” thoughts come between us.
Most of his complaints is about me start daiting boys when I was 15 year old. He says that I was child and little girl and it is not appropriate. He also says that girls how started that early in most cases become whores and change lot of partners. I love him and I dont want to lose him. I feel guilty...Should I ask him for forgiveness?
Most of his complaints is about me start daiting boys when I was 15 year old. He says that I was child and little girl and it is not appropriate. He also says that girls how started that early in most cases become whores and change lot of partners. I love him and I dont want to lose him. I feel guilty...Should I ask him for forgiveness?
Why do you feel guilty?
You can't change what you did, but you can decide how you act going forward. Why should you need to ask anyone for forgiveness????
He is not your father or your holy savior. He is also a boy who feels nervous that he may not be able to compare favorably to the boys you have been with. His ego says, "Did she choose me, really? Or did she settle for me? Does she wish the other guy was still around?" etc.
He's taking that insecurity and turning it on you, making YOU feel bad so he doesn't have to.
Break up with him. It sounds like both of you have some growing up to do.
I agree with all the previous responses, his insecurity is destroying your relationship, either he gets over your past, or he will be in the past, soon, too.
First, it's not your fault that he has "bad" thoughts about you. It's on him.
Beyond that blame game he plays, it really stood out that he is "running the show" in conversations and talks. He's controlling and manipulative. He's already shown you he is incapable of forgetting your past and forgiving. Not that you need forgiveness for having a previous boyfriend or three.
It's time for you to run the show and dump his pompous self.
Youre probably his first. You're 20, what is he expecting, a virgin?
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