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This thought doesn't even enter a confident, self-respecting woman's radar. He is no good to you, that is all that matters. He merely tolerates your presence because you are serving a purpose or two.
I'd be outta there lickety-split, and let the next sucker figure out who he's compatible with. You need to focus on who you'd be compatible with, for-get-him.
My boyfriend and I had some issues in the early stages of our relationship, but we were able to work through things. Honestly, a lot of it was him being selfish and not considerate of me and my feelings, such as making hurtful "jokes" at my expense.
Last Wednesday, we got into an argument because he thinks its my responsibility to take HIS dog to daycare every day, because "it would add on an extra 15-20 minutes to his morning commute". I don't mind taking the dog to daycare if I have time and its on the way to my meetings. But its the fact that he 1. doesn't ask me what time my meetings are or if I have time and 2. just leaves the dog downstairs when he goes to work when I'm still upstairs sleeping. Anyways, I was getting ready to leave for my meeting and couldn't find the dog's collar and leash. I texted him to ask where the leash/collar was and continued to looked all over the house, which ended up making me late. I finally decided I couldn't spend anymore time looking, so I put the dog up and walked out of the house. As I was closing the front door, I saw that the leash/collar were sitting laying at the door step. By this time, he had responded to say that they were out front but he didn't want to open the door back up to put them inside and get the dog going again. I responded "I don't think a quick text letting me know where it was so I wasn't late looking for it would have gotten him going". His response?? "True". No "I'm sorry", nothing. So we fought, but to my surprise, when I got home that day, he told me that his brother had asked how we were doing and he responded "Dude, I'm a d*ck".
Fast forward to Monday - he leaves again, without the dog and without asking me if I could take the dog to daycare. I texted him asking if the dog needed to go and he said yes. So, once again, I spend more time than I should have to try to find the collar and leash. When I texted him, he goes "Oh sh*t. Its still in my truck". (Not the first time this has happened). He told me to just leave the dog if I couldn't find another collar. But again, I was late to my meeting.
Monday night, we play on a softball team together. He decided that he wanted to play on an all men's team as well. Not a big deal except he wants to ride together and have me sit, in this case, 2 hours after our game ended, to watch him play. I told him no. So when our game was over, I took the dog home, gave him a bath, took a shower and we got in bed.
He got home around 11 and instead of coming to bed, sat downstairs until 12:15am playing video games. This is unfortunately the norm. He will play video games for HOURS, which is something else that causes problems in our relationship. Any ways, he came upstairs at 12:15am, took a shower and got in bed around 12:30/12:45. I was already asleep. What does he do? He gets in the bed and turns the tv on, waking me up. I lay there a minute, blood boiling, and finally say "What is happening right now?!". He goes "What do you mean?". I said "What is happening?! Why is the TV on?! Its 12:45am". He responds "I can't fall asleep without the tv on. I'm trying to turn it down". I said "Its not just the volume. Its the light from the tv". So he basically said he didn't care, that he couldn't sleep without the tv on, so I got my stuff and went downstairs and slept on the couch. Tell me if I'm wrong but I found that to be selfish, rude and inconsiderate.
The next morning, he comes downstairs to tell me bye and got an attitude because I wasn't being "friendly" to him, even though he's kissing me bye while I'm on the COUCH I had to sleep on last night.
Later that morning, I texted him to ask him if he wanted to sub in for my team's softball game that night. He said yes and then asked if I was still angry. I wanted to try to have a conversation about the issue instead of making it a big fight, so I told him I wasn't angry, that I was annoyed. He said that he can't sleep without the tv on and I told him that I understood that, but he should have either forgone the video games for the night and got in bed at 11 so he could have the tv on for an hour (I think the tv needs to go off at 12) or he could have played the video games knowing he would come to bed without the tv on. Long story short, he basically thought that I should accommodate him playing video games AND him turning the tv on at 1230am, and it was MY choice to sleep on the couch. Then he asked me if I took his dog to daycare. I said no (I didn't because I would go an extra 20 minutes out of my way and I was already running late). He goes off on me about how its one thing for me to be mad at him over nothing, but to take it out on the dog? I crossed the line. I'm a spiteful f*cking person. I'm miserable. When I asked him why HE didn't take the dog he responded "because I didn't tell him I couldn't.
Anyways, we haven't talked since yesterday afternoon and I have zero intention of reaching out. I think he is completely in the wrong and is disrespectful, rude, selfish and inconsiderate. Thoughts?
his dog his responsibility. he needs to find a sitter with hours that work for him. What did he do before you moved in?
as for the TV on late at night, would you rather he stay in the living room until he is tired? how about removing tv from the bedroom?
you need to be clear with him. "I am feeling used and stepped on, fix it!" " I cant be late to my job, for your pet!" and finally, "you need to ask me if I am ok with bringing your pet to the sitter". Another important question to ask him is if he really wants you to live/be with him . If it is yes, he needs to show you how much he cares. If no, find your way to the door.
what ever happened to leaving the dog at home, while you are away at work? walk before you leave, walk when you get home. walk before you sleep at night. the dog seems to be pampered more than others.
as for the video games, he needs to grow up already. video games are addictive, and takes away from any loving that can be had. He really needs to grow up and save the video games for when he is on an off day, really.
Sounds like you just need to communicate with him and get it through his head that it's an issue.
I've communicated to him many times about these issues. This wasn't the first time he's stayed downstairs playing videos games and came upstairs after 12am to me sleeping and still turned on the tv. I slept on the couch that time too. There have been multiple nights where he's started playing video games around 8pm. I'll go upstairs to bed around 9:30/10 and he will come up around 1130/12
I've explained to him numerous times that it's not my responsibility to take the dog to daycare. He just whines and complains about the extra 15-20 minutes added to his drive time. But it doesn't matter that I'm driving 3 hours to a meeting and can't afford an extra 15 to 20 minute commute time. Plus it's not my dog. And he doesn't even ask. He just leaves without the dog.
I've communicated to him many times about these issues. This wasn't the first time he's stayed downstairs playing videos games and came upstairs after 12am to me sleeping and still turned on the tv. I slept on the couch that time too. There have been multiple nights where he's started playing video games around 8pm. I'll go upstairs to bed around 9:30/10 and he will come up around 1130/12
I've explained to him numerous times that it's not my responsibility to take the dog to daycare. He just whines and complains about the extra 15-20 minutes added to his drive time. But it doesn't matter that I'm driving 3 hours to a meeting and can't afford an extra 15 to 20 minute commute time. Plus it's not my dog. And he doesn't even ask. He just leaves without the dog.
One of these two options will eliminate these issues:
A.) Break up with him.
or
B.) Don't sleep over at his house.
I've communicated to him many times about these issues. This wasn't the first time he's stayed downstairs playing videos games and came upstairs after 12am to me sleeping and still turned on the tv. I slept on the couch that time too. There have been multiple nights where he's started playing video games around 8pm. I'll go upstairs to bed around 9:30/10 and he will come up around 1130/12
I've explained to him numerous times that it's not my responsibility to take the dog to daycare. He just whines and complains about the extra 15-20 minutes added to his drive time. But it doesn't matter that I'm driving 3 hours to a meeting and can't afford an extra 15 to 20 minute commute time. Plus it's not my dog. And he doesn't even ask. He just leaves without the dog.
Idk, I kinda think you should not stay at his place for a while. This seems to be the source of everything. And he's completely neglecting you.
When my gf would come over my place (I too have video games...and a dog), I'd attend to her needs whenever she was there (whether it was cooking dinner, or winky face) and if I played games, she would be playing with me. Also, if I did something with the dog, we'd do it together, not separately.
Seems like he just wants you around as comfort, but that's about it. Which isn't fair to you. He should def be more attentive of you. If I were you, I'd stop coming over for a few days/weeks so he'll pick up on the hint. Do you have your own place/friends you can hang out with on your own?
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 8 days ago)
35,634 posts, read 17,975,706 times
Reputation: 50663
Jess, if you still want to be with this guy (he might have positive qualities you haven't mentioned here), just say it.
1. I'm not taking your dog to daycare. If you leave without taking the dog, your dog will not go to daycare that day.
2. I go to bed at 10:30. If you want to watch TV after that time, watch it somewhere else. Or I won't sleep here.
The thing is, if you are intending to have a very long term relationship with this guy, he will need to wean himself off the TV puts me to sleep thing. Or you will need earplugs. Or a separate bedroom.
Idk, I kinda think you should not stay at his place for a while. This seems to be the source of everything. And he's completely neglecting you.
When my gf would come over my place (I too have video games...and a dog), I'd attend to her needs whenever she was there (whether it was cooking dinner, or winky face) and if I played games, she would be playing with me. Also, if I did something with the dog, we'd do it together, not separately.
Seems like he just wants you around as comfort, but that's about it. Which isn't fair to you. He should def be more attentive of you. If I were you, I'd stop coming over for a few days/weeks so he'll pick up on the hint. Do you have your own place/friends you can hang out with on your own?
I agree with you. I feel like he just wants me around for comfort and isn't willing to meet any of my needs.
I own my own place but am paying a mortgage for somewhere I don't stay. When I do say I'm going to stay at my house, he makes a big stink about it. So I end up staying at his.
I agree with you. I feel like he just wants me around for comfort and isn't willing to meet any of my needs.
I own my own place but am paying a mortgage for somewhere I don't stay. When I do say I'm going to stay at my house, he makes a big stink about it. So I end up staying at his.
Yeah, you gotta just say no and stay at your place for a while. He's totally taking you for granted.
Experiment with staying at your place for a week and see how he reacts. Us guys react better when we can't have something vs. when it's there and we're just being lazy/ignorant.
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