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All it means, OP, is that you are not what she is looking for and she is trying to be polite so she doesn't hurt your feelings by implying that you are flawed.
Don't expect women to give you a laundry list of your perceived faults when they tell you they no longer want to see you. It isn't really open to discussion and she doesn't want you to argue about it.
Something like this has never happened before with OLD (or in general).
So, I matched up with a woman from an OLD app late last night. We actually exchanged numbers within the first couple of messages, since the app we met on tends to be pretty glitchy and has some bugs. We didn't talk much till the following today since it was very late (about 1 AM).
We started talking around the afternoon time today. I noticed she immediately asked me questions such as what I meant by saying I'm an "aspiring entrepreneur" in my profile bio. Along with asking me what I did for work (said that I'm doing some basic IT consulting for my college), if I had graduated (just did this past May with my Bachelor's), how old I was (I'm 26), if I was going for MBA (told her not right now, and not sure I will), and that was pretty much it.
It felt like a bit of a turn off, not going to lie. Almost felt like she was sizing me up to see how educated I am, and how much money I'm currently making.
She stopped responding to my texts after I told her old I was, and since I'm generally good at reading people through text message, I immediately picked up that something was wrong. A couple of hours later, she texts me saying that she's very sorry, but wants to be blunt and doesn't want to lead me on. She said that she's looking for someone that isn't too similar to her, especially career wise, but that she wishes me luck in finding the right person for me. I thanked her for being honest and wished her luck as well.
I was a bit confused when she gave her reason. Is she basically looking for someone that isn't so ambitious like her? Or, because I'm just now jumpstarting my career so to speak, and wants someone more established?
She did say that's currently unemployed (she's 24) because she's transitioning from marketing to finance, so she's interviewing jobs at the moment.
Maybe stop using such provocative language (aspiring entrepreneur) if you don't want women to ask?
"Stopped responding"? But a couple hours later she responds? Sorry, but 2 hours means she took a bathroom break and went out to eat. Now you can't decide if she wanted your money or thought you were too ambitious for her?
Okay - you're way too sensitive for online dating....and you both gave up really fast but probably for the best. Maybe you should start being a bit more trusting and take stuff at face value else you'll never get to the point of actually meeting up with someone.
Maybe stop using such provocative language (aspiring entrepreneur) if you don't want women to ask?
"Stopped responding"? But a couple hours later she responds? Sorry, but 2 hours means she took a bathroom break and went out to eat. Now you can't decide if she wanted your money or thought you were too ambitious for her?
Okay - you're way too sensitive for online dating....and you both gave up really fast but probably for the best. Maybe you should start being a bit more trusting and take stuff at face value else you'll never get to the point of actually meeting up with someone.
Sheesh, way too take my thread completely out of context (then again, this is C-D where it's known for that). This is why I hardly ever create threads on here. A simple question turns into something else.
I have no absolutely no issues with people asking me questions. If anything, it's a good thing since it shows they've read my bio. I was just questioning the sequence and what her rejecting text meant since that has never happened to me before. Nothing more, and nothing less.
I've been doing OLD on and off for like 2-3 years now, and have been both rejected and done the rejecting (and have gone on numerous dates with different women). I'm not sensitive to it. Maybe at the beginning, but haven't been in a long while now.
Thanks, but no thanks is what she basically means.
Don't over analyze it. Move on. I'm sure this wont be the first or last time when it comes to online dating.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
I see nothing wrong with those questions. I would be VERY wary of the phrase "aspiring entrepreneur" and would ask clarifying questions to get a feel for what exactly you had in mind by calling yourself that. Not only can it be code for "can't keep a job or be told what to do," but it also can be a very tricky personality to deal with.
"How old are you?" Very typical question.
"Have you graduated?" What's the big deal? Have you or not? Are you still taking classes?
"Getting an MBA"? Will you be taking MORE classes and have MORE demands on your time?
If you want to be a pessimist and assume she's looking for a sugar daddy, you can. To me, those are lifestyle questions to suss out what your schedule feels like. But I agree with HC. Be thankful she was forthright with you and just move on.
Keep in mind that not everyone knows which questions YOU think should happen on the first or second date.
What they said.
While those aren't the sort of questions I asked upfront, nor did I really have to ask as the topic often came up naturally, it's not unusual for these questions to pop up. They seem to be pretty normal casual chit-chat questions.
It's online dating. If she is at all attractive, she's got plenty of guys hitting her up. What she is doing here is weeding out all guys that don't meet all of her criteria. Attractive women get to do that in OLD. And probably pretty close to the top of her list is "established male." You made it quite clear that you're not there yet, so she told you in womanese that she isn't interested.
Funny though right? She herself is not established, but she wants a man that is and you're beneath her. The entitlement mentality that permeates online dating is stellar.
....
I was a bit confused when she gave her reason. Is she basically looking for someone that isn't so ambitious like her? Or, because I'm just now jumpstarting my career so to speak, and wants someone more established?
She did say that's currently unemployed (she's 24) because she's transitioning from marketing to finance, so she's interviewing jobs at the moment.
For the luva Pete! Why are you wasting your time and energy on this nail-biting nonsense? Stop it, and move on.
Location: In the cold, dark wasteland of eternity...
926 posts, read 673,709 times
Reputation: 1525
Quote:
Originally Posted by RedWings18
It's online dating. If she is at all attractive, she's got plenty of guys hitting her up. What she is doing here is weeding out all guys that don't meet all of her criteria. Attractive women get to do that in OLD. And probably pretty close to the top of her list is "established male." You made it quite clear that you're not there yet, so she told you in womanese that she isn't interested.
Funny though right? She herself is not established, but she wants a man that is and you're beneath her. The entitlement mentality that permeates online dating is stellar.
That's what I thought also when I read his OP. She's asking him questions left and right about his career/financial stability...and, there she is, unemployed and currently "interviewing" for a new career position. If I was the OP, I would've ceased all communication with her as soon as she divulged her unemployed status; and yet, the OP overlooked that and gave her the benefit of the doubt.
There is so much of this entitlement mentality that runs rampant on OLD and IRL. It's kind of like how there are people on OLD who are extremely unattractive and overweight, and yet, they will only date and respond to messages from people who are extremely attractive and HWP.
I never understood that type of dynamic/sense of entitlement/hypocrisy: If someone is expecting another person to meet their high level of standards, then they should make sure that they themselves meet those same high standards.
For example, if I weighed 400 pounds and had Donatella Versace's face, I shouldn't expect (and demand) to receive messages from guys who look like Andrew Lincoln or Liam Hemsworth! I should expect to receive and respond to messages from guys who are at least as 'attractive' as I am or less attractive. If I'm an unemployed loser living in my mother's basement, I'm not going to expect to date and message with only high level executives, attorneys or physicians - I should expect to only date and message with other people who are as much of a loser as I am or maybe doing a little bit better in life than I am.
Now, I realize that there are a LOT of people out there who have this ridiculous sense of entitlement; and some of them actually get away with it and end up finding someone that meets or exceeds their high standards while they themselves don't even come close to meeting those same high standards (like the woman the OP referred to in his post). Oh well...as the old saying goes: One man's junk is another man's treasure...
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- I should expect to only date and message with other people who are as much of a loser as I am or maybe doing a little bit better in life than I am.