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It seems that there is a theme in a lot of forum discussions I read about dating/relationships for men. It seems that there are a lot more single men than there are single women.
And even the smallest opinion against the main status quo of society gets me labeled as misogynistic or entitled, for only the slightest possibility that men are moving "slower" than women (God forbid). People, please be open minded, just because you haven't experienced something doesn't mean it should be ignored as a society. I would go as far to say I wonder why anyone would want to be young and male today, even if that's the real sex they were born as.
As a younger man especially, I wonder if I was born decades before I was, that it really was easier for men to find women, even though I know everything else is different today. Today, it seems like despite the growing concern or discontent for especially radical feminism and man-hating, they are still making noise and being cancerous to society sometimes. You would think with all that "wheel-squeaking", they wouldn't be acceptable in mainstream society anymore.
I just don't believe that men are allowed to be men anymore. At least many women are still women, but there really isn't any role left that men can do that women can't. Women still have their original purpose, but they have "overshadowed" men. And we can't wear speedos or thongs as underwear or swimsuits either because of social constructs that are mostly at the expense of men only. We are growing up being shamed by people, maybe older men too even, because of our own male sexuality. I think the days of men having a relatively easier walk in life than before, are never even coming back, at least not in my lifetime. Hah, I kind of wish.
I only have faith that all the above is totally my relatively naive thinking. I don't want the dating and attraction roles for men to become totally obsolete. I know that you can't always get your opinions or facts from online forums or blogs either, but how am I supposed to doubt that there is at least some truth to what I just posted above? Besides they are very radical and aggressive, they have used all of our tactics against the "other" side, I really hope and pray dearly for our future as society.
(Also, I also wanted to start a version of this thread later, more about my own personal experience about above)
Men complain about being single more, because they want to believe it isn't their fault. It's much easier on the ego to complain about the imaginary obstacle between you and all that sex you just know you should be having-- and maybe feel entitled to-- and yourself.
Women do not complain as much because the outlet for their narrative is very different. Any woman who is single can give you at least ten reasons she has been told are her fault for being alone. There isn't as much room to wonder when a consumerist society is only too happy to point out flaws it can sell products to fix.
Men complain about being single more, because they want to believe it isn't their fault. It's much easier on the ego to complain about the imaginary obstacle between you and all that sex you just know you should be having-- and maybe feel entitled to-- and yourself.
I don't always believe this. I know you gave a bit more perspective in the second paragraph, but how do we even know that there are some reasons why we don't have luck sometimes, that are outside of our control? Not everything, even about ourselves is in our control.
I don't always believe this. I know you gave a bit more perspective in the second paragraph, but how do we even know that there are some reasons why we don't have luck sometimes, that are outside of our control? Not everything, even about ourselves is in our control.
I really can't say that things are better or worse than in the past for men because I didn't live back in the past and I'm not a man. But keep in mind that the grass isn't always greener. There are things about the past that seem great now, but the negatives are forgotten.
Just to date you'd need to pick up your date at her parent's house and you'd need to get her parent's approval. You as a man had to pay for everything and don't expect a kiss on a first date (and forget sex unless you marry. Sexually incompatible? Oh well, you made your life choice, too bad). You'd be expected to check in with your date and let her know your full schedule and comings and goings. Don't even think about dating outside your race or socioeconomic class. You'd marry young too and start a family and work yourself into the ground because you are the only bread winner, no "enjoying" life and playing the field until 30. And for all that, you could expect to die a lot younger as a man (maybe because you worked yourself silly from a young age with the mouths to feed).
Edit: today you have more choice: type of partner, life style (marriage or not.. did you know unmarried men got paid less back in the 50s?) kids or not, heck you can forgo all relationships and no one will bother you. The thing I see a lot of men who struggle in this forum do, analysis paralysis. They try to figure out formulas, logic, and mathematics to explain human relationships. It just doesn't work that way with humans. One needs to step back and take each person as an individual, not a stereotype. And that just doesn't apply to dating but to friendship, work, business, etc.
It seems that there is a theme in a lot of forum discussions I read about dating/relationships for men. It seems that there are a lot more single men than there are single women.
And even the smallest opinion against the main status quo of society gets me labeled as misogynistic or entitled, for only the slightest possibility that men are moving "slower" than women (God forbid). People, please be open minded, just because you haven't experienced something doesn't mean it should be ignored as a society. I would go as far to say I wonder why anyone would want to be young and male today, even if that's the real sex they were born as.
As a younger man especially, I wonder if I was born decades before I was, that it really was easier for men to find women, even though I know everything else is different today. Today, it seems like despite the growing concern or discontent for especially radical feminism and man-hating, they are still making noise and being cancerous to society sometimes. You would think with all that "wheel-squeaking", they wouldn't be acceptable in mainstream society anymore.
I just don't believe that men are allowed to be men anymore. At least many women are still women, but there really isn't any role left that men can do that women can't. Women still have their original purpose, but they have "overshadowed" men. And we can't wear speedos or thongs as underwear or swimsuits either because of social constructs that are mostly at the expense of men only. We are growing up being shamed by people, maybe older men too even, because of our own male sexuality. I think the days of men having a relatively easier walk in life than before, are never even coming back, at least not in my lifetime. Hah, I kind of wish.
I only have faith that all the above is totally my relatively naive thinking. I don't want the dating and attraction roles for men to become totally obsolete. I know that you can't always get your opinions or facts from online forums or blogs either, but how am I supposed to doubt that there is at least some truth to what I just posted above? Besides they are very radical and aggressive, they have used all of our tactics against the "other" side, I really hope and pray dearly for our future as society.
(Also, I also wanted to start a version of this thread later, more about my own personal experience about above)
Yes, it's going to get worse; much, much worse. You're doomed. DOOMED, I tell you!
Have you considered joining a monastery now and avoiding the rush later on? You are going to be celibate anyway in the future so that pesky vow of chastity won't be that bothersome. You'll take a vow of poverty, so no money for dating to worry about. And lastly, a vow of silence.
I didn't say there weren't negatives to anything back in the 1950s or whatever past era. I actually did say in my OP that other things have changed, but it seems that (obligations to) women changed a lot more than men, if you know what I mean. I wish some people can just understand my side for once. It's not fair. Women (or men either) aren't "inferior" to the other.
I don't always believe this. I know you gave a bit more perspective in the second paragraph, but how do we even know that there are some reasons why we don't have luck sometimes, that are outside of our control? Not everything, even about ourselves is in our control.
What if I told you that there was literally no obstacle between you and dating/sex/love?
All the sex you could ever want, and the only thing between you and the joy of deciding whether to go for a motel or a hotel is in your mind?
In this case, this is the only thing that will get "worse" for men. And it isn't actually getting worse. It is simply a redressing of the same damn thing.
By the way, from your initial post, it isn't clear to me that things have gotten worse for men. I would say things have only improved, and at an exponential rate, for men.
No needing to meet the parents. Easily available birth control. Guaranteed privacy. Several generations of emancipated women who can more or less behave like men.
Sex has literally never been more accessible. It's never been easier, faster, or more convenient for men to get laid. I assume by "dating" you meant "sex", because with the marriage rate hovering where it is, most people seem to have very comfortably found exactly what they want: a roommate to bang that pays half the rent.
I really can't say that things are better or worse than in the past for men because I didn't live back in the past and I'm not a man. But keep in mind that the grass isn't always greener. There are things about the past that seem great now, but the negatives are forgotten.
Just to date you'd need to pick up your date at her parent's house and you'd need to get her parent's approval. You as a man had to pay for everything and don't expect a kiss on a first date (and forget sex unless you marry. Sexually incompatible? Oh well, you made your life choice, too bad). You'd be expected to check in with your date and let her know your full schedule and comings and goings. Don't even think about dating outside your race or socioeconomic class. You'd marry young too and start a family and work yourself into the ground because you are the only bread winner, no "enjoying" life and playing the field until 30. And for all that, you could expect to die a lot younger as a man (maybe because you worked yourself silly from a young age with the mouths to feed).
Edit: today you have more choice: type of partner, life style (marriage or not.. did you know unmarried men got paid less back in the 50s?) kids or not, heck you can forgo all relationships and no one will bother you. The thing I see a lot of men who struggle in this forum do, analysis paralysis. They try to figure out formulas, logic, and mathematics to explain human relationships. It just doesn't work that way with humans. One needs to step back and take each person as an individual, not a stereotype. And that just doesn't apply to dating but to friendship, work, business, etc.
All bs imo. The greasers and james dean bad boys werent getting daddies approval.
I wish some people can just understand my side for once. It's not fair. Women (or men either) aren't "inferior" to the other.
And yet you're romanticizing a time when "men had it easier"--your own words. Why should men have it easy just because they're men?
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