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So are you really saying that you don't want to leave your house, ever? Like, you meet a woman and she's in a wedding, you're not going to go with her and meet her friends? You're not going to do holidays with her family? You're not going to travel with her? You're not going to have friends over for a cookout? You really expect her to be truly happy sitting in your dark house and watching you play video games and making renderings of women who look like meth heads?
As the Spanish phrase goes: "su vida es sueno"--your life is a dream. Your issue is not that you're just a nice, simple guy, looking for a nice, simple woman. You expect her to embrace your uncommon lifestyle while having no life of her own. You're so committed to your fantasy life that I don't think any real woman would be able to fit into the strict parameters you require.
Who said I don't ever leave my home, I have mentioned that I go jogging and cycling, I just don't like crowds of people. I have even mentioned I go on dates from time to time, There are a few restaurants I like around here, but I don't really care for bars, parties and clubs for dates. at least at a restaurant people aren't coming up and interrupting our date. as far as traveling a few years back I went to Puerto Rico and stayed in a private vila , had that little corner of the beach to ourselves. ate at very nice places(good thing it was only 2 weeks or I would have gained 100 pounds) took a tour of some caves where the water glowed when stirred. and an island with wild monkeys
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Originally Posted by timberline742
You find it hard to have a relationship because you don't want to have relationships, and you don't like having relationships.
This isn't rocket science.
Relationships are challenging enough to form when you like connecting with people and crave connections and relationships with people. Seriously.
You don't get it, I want a relationship, a romantic relationship is a whole different thing than multiple friendships.
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Originally Posted by zentropa
How on earth did you manage to get married and have a family? Whatever happened to them? Did you have some sort of breakdown that changed your ability to relate to people?
I met her at 21, had a daughter together at 22, Still see my daughter quite often. and no breakdown, I at the time was working 14 hour days to hold things together and I did not feel appreciated(I will never do that again) plus she is the one who left, we were married 9 years I was happy 6 of them, her personality changed dramatically after her brain surgery. at first I could do no wrong then it seemed I did everything wrong.
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Originally Posted by RamenAddict
Apparently it is a Sims game with disturbingly emaciated women with see through skin, without an ounce of fat on their bodies who don’t care to wear full shirts at that.
No they are not emaciated just healthy, I base the build on Olympic runners Volleyball players and female MMA fighters, and when creating yes I like to show off the muscle tone I gave them. but there is a difference between athletically fit and emaciated. Here is a side by side comparison
When you call lean and toned emaciated you do a disservice to people with REAL weight issues.
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There simply are no women like that in the real world who aren’t completely strung out on tons of drugs
I see them at my group bike rides all the time(unfortunately they are usually there with their boyfriends I see them at the gym also and same thing )
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I don’t think I’ve heard anyone complain that their taxes went up because someone actually took an interest in buying boarded up houses in the neighborhood and caused property values to increase. Most normal human beings actually WANT their neighborhoods to be revitalized and see improved property values, but not the OP. He’s happy to see boarded up homes, apparently.
Why would I want my taxes to go up? the low property value was why I was able to get a good deal on the house in the first place. money going out the window in taxes is money that could have went to something I enjoy. increased property value is only good for my if I planed on refinancing or selling my house, and why would I want to put myself back in dept after crawling out of it once?
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Originally Posted by Butterflyfish
Home ownership is an investment for most people and they are happy when the value of their home increases.
I've never heard anyone complain before that it "sucks" when their net worth increases. Or that they wouldn't want to spend $1000 on curb appeal that could greatly add more value and equity in their home. That is incomprehensible to me.
The OP is a puzzling character on many levels.
Because it is not an investment, it's a place to live, shelter from the sun and rain, a potential love cottage. I don't plan on selling or refinancing so equity is useless to me, all it does is make me have to spend more money that could go toward something else like future repairs, money for dates, replacing computers when I have to upgrade.
I have no problem spending money on the upkeep of my house as I have already done a lot of home repairs, I just simply don't think that includes cosmetic. the main reason I plan on painting my house is because some of my paint started to peel and I don't want wood rot so since I have to paint it anyway I might as well use colors I prefer(I never liked the color of my house and the huge trashcan sized barrels of paint that were in my shed out back when I bought the house have finally run out last time I had to pain the house). A cosmetic change based on an underlying necessity.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
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Originally Posted by cyphorx
You don't get it, I want a relationship, a romantic relationship is a whole different thing than multiple friendships.
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No, you don't get it. The forming of them isn't different. It's about making connection with people. Identifying with them, being social with them, sharing with them, being vulnerable, being supportive. One (of those people) might become a romantic connection, most won't, but to be successful in finding that one you need to want to and enjoy making connections with people.
The "I do not want people in my life or to deal with people, except for my romantic partner that I don't have yet" does not work. It never will work.
If the homes are boarded up, it means no neighbors to have to socialize with, or at least acknowledge and occasionally interact with.
That and the fact that it pretty much ensures nobody will ever come to your deserted, sketchy neighborhood and bother you by requesting human interaction.
I'm really confused by the whole, "I abhor people and wish people would just leave me be, and stop requiring my participation in society...now, why is it so hard to find a relationship?" stance.
Lol that was an exaggeration. I meant that ripped jeans stitched back together, flannel over sized shirts, boots made to look ruffed up on purpose etc etc.... by today's standards that looks homeless even though then it was basically a middle finger to the polo shirt, crease in the pants crowd. I'm not referring to the smelly last nights dumpster meal on your shirt look.
And I like angry women, as long as it's not me they are angry at.
You're an oddly socially adjusted middle aged man who prefers to bunker down in a neighborhood that you consider to have been preferable when it was full of boarded up houses, and who wants a washboard ab, circa-90s Riot Grrrl built like an MMA fighter who hates everyone but you, who will never have the expectation of leaving a darkened den filled with screens, and will accept having a "virtual only" lifestyle, interspersed with middle-of-the-night bike rides through unsafe areas.
And you're confused as to why this is proving hard to orchestrate?
Nothing about your lifestyle of choice lends itself to forming relationships. Probably because, among (many) other things, you are actively campaigning against forming relationships.
You're an oddly socially adjusted middle aged man who prefers to bunker down in a neighborhood that you consider to have been preferable when it was full of boarded up houses
No it was preferable when my taxes were a bit cheaper, and it was only 2 houses sitting empty, but that being said I could care less what others do to their house as long as it does not end up costing me.
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and who wants a washboard ab, circa-90s Riot Grrrl built like an MMA fighter
No that's just what I like to draw, don't get me wrong I like the alt grunge look on a woman, might even call it a preference, but a hard body is not a requirement, just prefer a woman who takes care of herself.
being lean is just usually a side effect of that.
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who hates everyone but you, who will never have the expectation of leaving a darkened den filled with screens, and will accept having a "virtual only" lifestyle, interspersed with middle-of-the-night bike rides through unsafe areas.
I ride everywhere because I feel safe everywhere, and I know where the bike trails are they are well lit with a nice soft glow.
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And you're confused as to why this is proving hard to orchestrate?
Nothing about your lifestyle of choice lends itself to forming relationships. Probably because, among (many) other things, you are actively campaigning against forming relationships.
Romantic relationships are very different than any other type of relationship, expectations are different, they feel different etc etc.... all of my romantic relationships I got so much more out of than I ever got from mere friendships. I don't understand how people even compare the two.
No it was preferable when my taxes were a bit cheaper, and it was only 2 houses sitting empty, but that being said I could care less what others do to their house as long as it does not end up costing me.
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You'll have to arrange your work life in such a way that you can earn enough money to not end up homeless because of rising property values. Additionally, you'll have maintenance costs on your house (new roof periodically, at least, even if you give it a new exterior paint job yourself, as needed). And of course, you should aim to earn enough to save for retirement and old age costs (home health care, if/when it comes to that, is very expensive, as is a nursing home, unless you resign yourself to whatever SS gives you, which does not usually involved caring, courteous service...
Take care of yourself, cyph. No one's going to do it for you.
You'll have to arrange your work life in such a way that you can earn enough money to not end up homeless because of rising property values. Additionally, you'll have maintenance costs on your house (new roof periodically, at least, even if you give it a new exterior paint job yourself, as needed). And of course, you should aim to earn enough to save for retirement and old age costs (home health care, if/when it comes to that, is very expensive, as is a nursing home, unless you resign yourself to whatever SS gives you, which does not usually involved caring, courteous service...
Take care of yourself, cyph. No one's going to do it for you.
I like my work life the way it is, it's the first time in years I have the balance I want for years I felt like I was being ground down. it was effecting my health, as stress was causing blood pressure and cholesterol issues, working out(bike riding 20 or so miles every other night and lifting weights daily) and reducing stress was a big part of correcting those issues without the use of medication. my doctor said it's a huge improvement from when I first started seeing him and I'm in better shape than most of his patients who are over 10 years younger than me. I have a healthy 401K and IRA that I can't touch until I hit 65(without being penalized).
I like my work life the way it is, it's the first time in years I have the balance I want for years I felt like I was being ground down. it was effecting my health, as stress was causing blood pressure and cholesterol issues, working out(bike riding 20 or so miles every other night and lifting weights daily) and reducing stress was a big part of correcting those issues without the use of medication. my doctor said it's a huge improvement from when I first started seeing him and I'm in better shape than most of his patients who are over 10 years younger than me. I have a healthy 401K and IRA that I can't touch until I hit 65(without being penalized).
I wasn't implying you should go back to working 14-hr. days. I was only suggesting you consider a career trajectory that will get you into higher-earning brackets over time. I mean, someone who's worried about property taxes going up sounds like he's in a precarious position financially, that's all. That's great that you have a good 401K and IRA, though. Sounds like you're on the right track.
I wasn't implying you should go back to working 14-hr. days. I was only suggesting you consider a career trajectory that will get you into higher-earning brackets over time. I mean, someone who's worried about property taxes going up sounds like he's in a precarious position financially, that's all. That's great that you have a good 401K and IRA, though. Sounds like you're on the right track.
I can afford it, though what I have left over is less(I always saved more than I actually needed.
I just don't like extra expense for no value added. since I got the place for an actual place to stay my property value going up does nothing for me.
If I was just some jerk who bought the house to flip it I guess I would feel different, but I bought my house so I could live in it.
I don't like spending money and having nothing to show for it, I bought the house for shelter and a place to keep my stuff. 90% of what I spend extra money on actually do things most of non-extra money provide power and or net access to the 90%.
hence lack of decorations and such.
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