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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,989,150 times
Reputation: 40635
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AprilFlowers17
This is what I'm thinking as well HC, which is why I wrote my post on this thread expounding on the reasons why I feel that his place isn't the Hannibal Lecter house that almost everyone on here has painted it to be.
I see what the others are saying though; yeah, it's dark inside with black curtains and there are bars on the windows...but, like I said in my post, I surmised that once he was in a committed relationship that he would gladly let the lady in his life decorate his place to what appeals to her. And when I read the OP's post towards the end of his thread, it turns out I was right - that he would be more than willing to let his SO give his place 'a woman's touch'.
Why wait? Why not make it more appealing before finding someone, since it certainly could affect finding someone?
I mean, maybe a poor analogy, but would it make sense for me to say, hey, if I find an athletic in shape woman I'm certainly willing to get in shape and make myself more appealing if she wants me to? It sure doesn't to me, since me being in shape very well may impact my meeting the person.
They probably don't. But we're not talking about just a date, but finding a relationship, and making one's place a comfortable and safe feeling place for others to spend time in it absolutely is a factor in relationship building/forming.
I dont believe its an major factor, or else, it would be near the top of someones list - which Ive never heard of before.
I think, we're putting the cart before the horse here when it comes to the OP. The house situation is very minor compared to finding the right woman to fit his lifestyle. A week or two and a little money can easily brighten his home.
And going by the pics, the guy isn't a slob/ hoarder; everything looks pretty clean, organized, no farm animals in the front yard, etc. It just doesn't fit the decor most of us imagine.
I'm probably going to get drug through the mud for this but someone has to say it....
Guys, I know you all are probably coming from a good place, you're just having a nice discussion, or maybe you all are trying to give the OP some pointers but...after seeing the OP's home getting ragged on for the last few pages and then having someone post a picture of their "nice home" is coming off as "haha look at my house, and look at yours."
It comes off as saying the OP's house is not great compared to yours. AGAIN this probably isn't what you are trying to do but seriously...
It's not cool.
I think the point was to show w/pix (the exterior, especially) what people meant by "welcoming appearance", and that sort of thing. And Geoff's place was of roughly comparable size, so it's not like someone put up a pic of a suburban family Leave-It-To-Beaver home. It was more like, "here's what you could do with a small place". OTOH, it looks like it took Geoff major bucks and earth moving to achieve that, so that's a bit beyond the OP's capabilities, but still, it's the idea of a little greenery here, some flowers there, and suddenly you have a more homey-looking place, an inviting place, vs. a repelling place.
I think probably the OP got more advice here than he'd bargained for. Still, the fact that his place is all paid off is an achievement. He wanted to get the mortgage out of the way, and he did. He owes rent to no one. Now all he has to worry about are maintenance and property taxes.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,989,150 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut
I dont believe its an major factor, or else, it would be near the top of someones list - which Ive never heard of before.
I think, we're putting the cart before the horse here when it comes to the OP. The house situation is very minor compared to finding the right woman to fit his lifestyle. A week or two and a little money can easily brighten his home.
And going by the pics, the guy isn't a slob/ hoarder; everything looks pretty clean, organized, no farm animals in the front yard, etc. It just doesn't fit the decor most of us imagine.
Agree to disagree, I don't think it is on people's list because for one, most people take it for granted (it is assumed) so people don't really consider it a factor until they run into an uncomfortable situation.
But I will agree it's minor compared to the other lifestyle issues. It's just so easy to fix, it's low hanging fruit.
I dont believe its an major factor, or else, it would be near the top of someones list - which Ive never heard of before.
I think, we're putting the cart before the horse here when it comes to the OP. The house situation is very minor compared to finding the right woman to fit his lifestyle. A week or two and a little money can easily brighten his home.
And going by the pics, the guy isn't a slob/ hoarder; everything looks pretty clean, organized, no farm animals in the front yard, etc. It just doesn't fit the decor most of us imagine.
I agree with you. I think the house is being over blown at this point. Yes, it’s Spartan, but it is neat, clean, looks like it’s in good shape, and I give the OP major props for having it paid off. He’s a smart guy. What needs to be done is the easy part, it’s just cosmetic.
Before a woman even sees the house she’s got to meet and date him. That’s were the problem lies. I don’t think I saw my boyfriend’s house until several weeks into dating. He didn’t see my house until week 2 when he picked me up for a date.
I dont believe its an major factor, or else, it would be near the top of someones list - which Ive never heard of before.
I think, we're putting the cart before the horse here when it comes to the OP. The house situation is very minor compared to finding the right woman to fit his lifestyle. A week or two and a little money can easily brighten his home.
And going by the pics, the guy isn't a slob/ hoarder; everything looks pretty clean, organized, no farm animals in the front yard, etc. It just doesn't fit the decor most of us imagine.
The OP is talking about how he can get a couple of dates, but after that, the relationship seems to go nowhere or he seems to find the wrong type of woman. Many people here have mentioned that the exterior, in particular, looks a little off-putting. For $500-750 or so, it is not hard to add in some curb appeal. No one is suggesting that it needs to be some HGTV spectacular, but when the OP is saying that women are telling him he should be farther along in his life, I think that is what they mean. Women expect a fortysomething man to at least put some effort into landscaping and decor. It doesn’t have to necessarily be frilly or fancy landscaping and decor, but it should be something more than the bare bones basics.
Certainly most women *would* appreciate that it is clean and organized, so the amount of effort and expense that it would take to spruce up the interior and exterior would probably be under $1K.
The OP really needs to get past date 3 or 4 to figure out whether a woman can fit his lifestyle. He does have particular needs, but I don’t think that they are outrageous. He wants more of a night owl who isn’t all that spendy, which will be challenging, but hardly impossible. However, that necessarily means that the person needs to spend a lot of time INSIDE during the day, and to do that, the home needs to be more inviting inside and out (even if dark).
I disagree. It was a very good example of what the OP could do to spruce up a little house on a lot about the same size.
Nobody posted a photo of a posh mansion.
I think people often buy small, affordable places and think "well, it's not a mansion, but it's paid for" as if people who drive by know this.
OP's house looks like he rents it and does the bare minimum with an absentee landlord who doesn't care as long as he gets paid.
That's the image he's projecting to the world when they drive by his house.
Nobody's suggesting he spend a fortune, but for less than a thousand dollars, I guarantee he could dramatically change the exterior appearance of his home and if he DOES meet a girl he likes, she's going to be thinking right away that this is a place where she'd be proud to drive up, park, and go in to see her guy.
Women can always go inside a place and think of a few touches they'd add if they got serious with a boyfriend, but first impressions are everything. And, the place they see when you drive up is a serious first impression.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
I think the point was to show w/pix (the exterior, especially) what people meant by "welcoming appearance", and that sort of thing. And Geoff's place was of roughly comparable size, so it's not like someone put up a pic of a suburban family Leave-It-To-Beaver home. It was more like, "here's what you could do with a small place". OTOH, it looks like it took Geoff major bucks and earth moving to achieve that, so that's a bit beyond the OP's capabilities, but still, it's the idea of a little greenery here, some flowers there, and suddenly you have a more homey-looking place, an inviting place, vs. a repelling place.
I think probably the OP got more advice here than he'd bargained for. Still, the fact that his place is all paid off is an achievement. He wanted to get the mortgage out of the way, and he did. He owes rent to no one. Now all he has to worry about are maintenance and property taxes.
As I stated earlier, I do think the intentions were good, but when I took a step back and looked at it as a whole; that is the vibe I got from it. Especially when I read the more harsh comments. (Hannibal Lector, etc.) I'm well aware that he didn't post a mansion, but I'm not going to act like there isn't a big difference between his house and Geoff's. Maybe it's because I could sympathize when it feels/seems like everyone is ganging up on you.
But I agree he did post on public forum and everyone is entitled to their opinion.
The OP is talking about how he can get a couple of dates, but after that, the relationship seems to go nowhere or he seems to find the wrong type of woman. Many people here have mentioned that the exterior, in particular, looks a little off-putting. For $500-750 or so, it is not hard to add in some curb appeal. No one is suggesting that it needs to be some HGTV spectacular, but when the OP is saying that women are telling him he should be farther along in his life, I think that is what they mean. Women expect a fortysomething man to at least put some effort into landscaping and decor. It doesn’t have to necessarily be frilly or fancy landscaping and decor, but it should be something more than the bare bones basics.
Certainly most women *would* appreciate that it is clean and organized, so the amount of effort and expense that it would take to spruce up the interior and exterior would probably be under $1K.
The OP really needs to get past date 3 or 4 to figure out whether a woman can fit his lifestyle. He does have particular needs, but I don’t think that they are outrageous. He wants more of a night owl who isn’t all that spendy, which will be challenging, but hardly impossible. However, that necessarily means that the person needs to spend a lot of time INSIDE during the day, and to do that, the home needs to be more inviting inside and out (even if dark).
This. It's exactly what I'm getting at.
A guy who needs a house with dim lighting and a woman who is a gamer is going to be doing much better by way of snagging a woman who meets his requirements if she sees his home that he paid for already and thinks it looks like a place where she would want to spend time.
I have never been incredibly picky as housing goes. A guy who has a smallish house would not be a turn off for me, if I was dating now.
What would be is that the house looks like drug deals might be going down there under cover of darkness because nobody seems to ever see the light of day long enough to make sure the exterior of the home is well-kept and has curb appeal.
If I drove up to that with a guy, I'd suddenly remember that I forgot to wash my hair unless he looked like Chris Hemsworth and we'd had a few cocktails already. Even then, I might still be suggesting we go to my place.
If I drove up to the same place with some fresh paint, a few shrubs, some flowers in beds, a tidy mailbox, and no visible trashcans (and grass that's alive and flourishing), I might think "he really cares about his property" and I'd be thinking this is a good sign.
So, he thinks women need billionaires, but what they really need is a guy making the most of what he's got.
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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,989,150 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by RedZin
This. It's exactly what I'm getting at.
A guy who needs a house with dim lighting and a woman who is a gamer is going to be doing much better by way of snagging a woman who meets his requirements if she sees his home that he paid for already and thinks it looks like a place where she would want to spend time.
I have never been incredibly picky as housing goes. A guy who has a smallish house would not be a turn off for me, if I was dating now.
What would be is that the house looks like drug deals might be going down there under cover of darkness because nobody seems to ever see the light of day long enough to make sure the exterior of the home is well-kept and has curb appeal.
If I drove up to that with a guy, I'd suddenly remember that I forgot to wash my hair unless he looked like Chris Hemsworth and we'd had a few cocktails already. Even then, I might still be suggesting we go to my place.
If I drove up to the same place with some fresh paint, a few shrubs, some flowers in beds, a tidy mailbox, and no visible trashcans (and grass that's alive and flourishing), I might think "he really cares about his property" and I'd be thinking this is a good sign.
So, he thinks women need billionaires, but what they really need is a guy making the most of what he's got.
Bingo
Even the fringe counter culture techno / industrial / dark ambient folks I know live in places that are far more alive. These are easy and inexpensive fixes.
As I stated earlier, I do think the intentions were good, but when I took a step back and looked at it as a whole; that is the vibe I got from it. Especially when I read the more harsh comments. (Hannibal Lector, etc.) I'm well aware that he didn't post a mansion, but I'm not going to act like there isn't a big difference between his house and Geoff's. Maybe it's because I could sympathize when it feels/seems like everyone is ganging up on you.
But I agree he did post on public forum and everyone is entitled to their opinion.
I don't see it as ganging up. I see it as us telling the OP what women who are seeing his place might be thinking, so he can avoid missing out on some women who might well be good life partners, simply by making what are some really minimal adjustments.
Geoff's house took a little money to get a yard and exterior that nice, but that's a priority for him. The OP could do the same, I have no doubt. He may choose to live a more frugal lifestyle, but I don't doubt he could scare up a wee budget to fix up the exterior of his house and his yard, if it was a priority.
As it is, he could do even 1/4 of what Geoff did and it would be a DRAMATIC improvement.
So, if he wants to find a woman, we're just giving him ideas.
If he disagrees, he can ignore them. I don't think anyone here is saying the OP is LIKE Hannibal Lecter or any sort of thing like that.
He seems like a decent guy who is struggling to find a girl.
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