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Basically the title of the thread. What is this even about? People can be rude while online and can get away with it because there are no consequences. And even excuses close to the time of the date is okay. But, literally walking up to the said chosen location and going to check in with the date to see that they unmatched you? This is ridiculous.
I'm in my mid 30s, semi-attractive but not knock out pretty, with a masters degree, just for context. No kids, just pets.
It's actually happened to me twice in the last week. One date was very casual, meeting up for drinks at a place I was going to anyway. As I was going to check in with the guy I noticed he unmatched me. No big deal. I went and did what I was going to do at the place we had settled on.
Then, later in the week, I match someone who suggests getting together tonight (Friday). I ask what he's thinking and he says "picnic date at my apartment's roof top pool." So many red flags. So many. As a woman I was like "Hell no." but was polite and said, "Let's save that for date two. Let's get some casual drinks." I suggest a place nearish to me but not too far for him. He nixes it and then suggests another place within walking distance of his place. Still, no. I am not walking to your place to have sex with you. So, I suggest a nice place in between for both of us. He agrees. I schedule a reservation. We talk for most of the day today. I say good bye as I head off to the gym a few hours before. I get home, get ready and head to the place. I go to message him that I'm walking in. Poof. Gone. Nothing. I probably could have avoided the getting ready and just wallowing on the couch had I checked my phone before, but that's not the point. The point is....why?!
Being rude is not okay, but there is no way to enforce it. Sorry this happened to you.
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Basically the title of the thread. What is this even about? People can be rude while online and can get away with it because there are no consequences. And even excuses close to the time of the date is okay. But, literally walking up to the said chosen location and going to check in with the date to see that they unmatched you? This is ridiculous.
I'm in my mid 30s, semi-attractive but not knock out pretty, with a masters degree, just for context. No kids, just pets.
It's actually happened to me twice in the last week. One date was very casual, meeting up for drinks at a place I was going to anyway. As I was going to check in with the guy I noticed he unmatched me. No big deal. I went and did what I was going to do at the place we had settled on.
Then, later in the week, I match someone who suggests getting together tonight (Friday). I ask what he's thinking and he says "picnic date at my apartment's roof top pool." So many red flags. So many. As a woman I was like "Hell no." but was polite and said, "Let's save that for date two. Let's get some casual drinks." I suggest a place nearish to me but not too far for him. He nixes it and then suggests another place within walking distance of his place. Still, no. I am not walking to your place to have sex with you. So, I suggest a nice place in between for both of us. He agrees. I schedule a reservation. We talk for most of the day today. I say good bye as I head off to the gym a few hours before. I get home, get ready and head to the place. I go to message him that I'm walking in. Poof. Gone. Nothing. I probably could have avoided the getting ready and just wallowing on the couch had I checked my phone before, but that's not the point. The point is....why?!
I don't get it. How has this become okay?
Sorry to hear that, OP. I usually text them a few hours before we’re scheduled to meet to confirm plans. I’ve only ever had one person not show up and that was a few years ago, but he did text me (after I had already arrived and was sitting in my car) to say that he couldn’t make it. Still very inconsiderate though. Some people are just jerks. But I only agree to meet at places that are super close to me so that I can always easily return home, if necessary.
Honestly, Mr "Picnic date at my apartment's roof top pool" was a no hoper right from the get. Don't bother to negotiate a more viable when someone suggests that as a the initial meeting from online.
First guy was rude and/or flaky, which annoying as it is, is par for the course. You gotta kiss a lot of frogs and all that
1. We were supposed to meet at the First Friday Art Gallery party thing. I live pretty close, 1 mile away. I went home, got ready and headed over at the appointed meeting time. Back then I used to coordinate meeting with friends for that event every month, but I decided not to and of course declined invites for that night. We were supposed to meet at 6:30 or whatever. We confirmed earlier in the day, he was going to be coming from work. Maybe 15 minutes after the meeting time I texted him, he called and was like I am on the way. His work was maybe 20 minutes away. I checked out a few galleries and 30 minutes passed. I sent a text and there was no response. I waited a little more and went home. At like 9:30 or 10 he got back to me and was like “oh I am sorry, I got held up at work.” I replied, you clearly didn’t respect my time, no chance. Obviously getting held up at work can happen, but not getting back to me was beyond rude (he wasn’t a surgeon).
2. I spent a few weeks chatting with a guy, and he during our convo he talked about being sick of the typical grab a drink outings. It was near Halloween, and a friend told me about a haunted house. So we decjded to do tbat as a first meeting. I agreed to get tbe tickets, amd he was going to by the drinks. It was a fair trade for me. So I bought two tickets. This date was going to be 10 days away. A little long, but we chatted fairly often leading up to it. 3 days before I said “still want to go? If he said no, I planned to find a friend. He was like, of course, looking forward to it.
The night before the date we talked in the phone and had a good convo. The day of he sent a few texts to check in. I got tomthe meeting spot a nearby bar maybe an hour before the haunted house started, and he wasn’t there. I waited a bit, and texted him. He said, oh I overslept froma nap, running late, its gonna take me 25-30 minutes to get there. I hop in the food court, and get some food.
After 40 minutes, the line was forming, and no sign. I call him, and he says I’ll be there soon, get in line. I ask, what’s your ETA? He said 15-20 minutes. The line was slow moving and I make some small talk with the people in front of me. One of them didn’t have a ticket. I told them the story, and offer the ticket up in 15 minutes. They take the ticket. No sign of the guy. And I end up exploring to the haunted house with my new friends. They turn out to be fun.
Never heard from him that night. The next day he texted an apology with no explanation. I decided to block him.
Common thread here: you don’t know the person you’re going out with. These are random suitors who probably think you’re no more real than a video game character.
If you’re going to do online dating, seems the best thing for both parties is to meet for coffee. Don’t get creative. This is more important than phone calls or texting. Meet face to face for fifteen minutes. Rules out the worst of the flakes and guys with zero chemistry.
Basically the title of the thread. What is this even about? People can be rude while online and can get away with it because there are no consequences. And even excuses close to the time of the date is okay. But, literally walking up to the said chosen location and going to check in with the date to see that they unmatched you? This is ridiculous.
I'm in my mid 30s, semi-attractive but not knock out pretty, with a masters degree, just for context. No kids, just pets.
It's actually happened to me twice in the last week. One date was very casual, meeting up for drinks at a place I was going to anyway. As I was going to check in with the guy I noticed he unmatched me. No big deal. I went and did what I was going to do at the place we had settled on.
Then, later in the week, I match someone who suggests getting together tonight (Friday). I ask what he's thinking and he says "picnic date at my apartment's roof top pool." So many red flags. So many. As a woman I was like "Hell no." but was polite and said, "Let's save that for date two. Let's get some casual drinks." I suggest a place nearish to me but not too far for him. He nixes it and then suggests another place within walking distance of his place. Still, no. I am not walking to your place to have sex with you. So, I suggest a nice place in between for both of us. He agrees. I schedule a reservation. We talk for most of the day today. I say good bye as I head off to the gym a few hours before. I get home, get ready and head to the place. I go to message him that I'm walking in. Poof. Gone. Nothing. I probably could have avoided the getting ready and just wallowing on the couch had I checked my phone before, but that's not the point. The point is....why?!
I don't get it. How has this become okay?
He made his intentions very clear with his first two plans - and you knew that because you countered with "safer" plans. He agreed to something he really didn't want to and then flaked at the last minute. Lesson is to never talk someone into something because then they'll just feel pressured to agree. After his second somewhat inappropriate suggestion I'd have let him know I wasn't interested.
Dating is like anything in life. You are going to sort through many many rejects before you find someone you are comfortable with. At least these two can go to the reject pile. Safely.
If you’re going to do online dating, seems the best thing for both parties is to meet for coffee. Don’t get creative. This is more important than phone calls or texting. Meet face to face for fifteen minutes. Rules out the worst of the flakes and guys with zero chemistry.
Agree. Make the initial meet short and sweet. Have an out if things seem wonky. That doesn't mean coffee won't turn into lunch or a quick drink won't turn into dinner, but the plan should always be for something short and simple.
It's also good not to spend too much time chatting prior to agreeing to meet. It avoids too much emotional investment on your part. If you've started to feel attached prior to even meeting, it's more tempting to allow poor treatment and second chances. Just don't. If they're flakes at the time they're supposed to be trying to impress you, it'll only go downhill from there.
Consider the flakes bullets dodged and move on.
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