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9 months? I’m pretty sure I had this sussed out with my husband in nine days of seriously dating/courting. And we were married in LESS than 9 months from the starting point. .
Not surprising since he couldn't have sex until you were married. Did he even want to wait any number of months?
After ONE marriage gone wrong, I NEVER wanted marriage again. My daughter was in a longer marriage than me and it went downhill too. I had many good relationships, one fellow had to leave it as he wanted marriage, I did not. He's married in MN and how happy he is I have no idea...probably nice and settled in.
Marriage is a sentence.
Probably good to get that topic out in the open early in the relationship.
We have two great guys in our apt bldg both in their early 40's, who love to have a woman in their lives but steer so clear of marriage, they love their lives now.
I would discuss with her your feelings about marriage and have a come to Jesus moment regarding where the relationship is headed. Are you two in love? If you are, it seems only natural to discuss your future together.
Yes, most people I know that got married had doubts about wanting to get married.
This isn't my experience.
I have known people with doubts about wanting to get married, and eventually, the relationship reached a natural conclusion, no wedding involved. I've even known two people to call off impending weddings in the (figurative and literal) 11th hour due to longstanding doubts.
But I've known very few people to continue on and enter into a marriage with doubts. My FIL is the only one who comes to mind, actually (he did go on to divorce, twice, unsurprisingly).
But most people I know don't marry without feeling all-in. If they don't feel all-in, they just don't marry, NBD.
Going into a marriage with doubts is a terrible idea, and unnecessary.
I have known people with doubts about wanting to get married, and eventually, the relationship reached a natural conclusion, no wedding involved. I've even known two people to call off impending weddings in the (figurative and literal) 11th hour due to longstanding doubts.
But I've known very few people to continue on and enter into a marriage with doubts. My FIL is the only one who comes to mind, actually (he did go on to divorce, twice, unsurprisingly).
But most people I know don't marry without feeling all-in. If they don't feel all-in, they just don't marry, NBD.
Going into a marriage with doubts is a terrible idea, and unnecessary.
I’ve known a few people entering into a marriage with doubts and they ended up divorced. I also know a few other people who ended engagements due to doubts about the future with the fiance(e).
I think the deal with my FIL (the first time, anyway), was that he felt, as a product of his particular time and context, socially obligated to marry and raise a family. It was simply what was done. So he shook off doubts and got on with it, but those doubts continued to be factors, year after year, and 25 years down the road, once both kids were out of the house, he tossed in the towel.
He also had been raised pretty unconventionally (he and his older brother really mostly raised themselves, a la The Outsiders, (same time frame and everything) and I think was looking at marriage as a shot at a familial stability he hasn't had. Didn't suit him, though.
If children are not in the cards, you can live together forever never getting married. You would both be only losing out on a tax deduction, and possibly any health insurance or other perks one might gain from being a spouses dependent.
Also, you may not be able to visit each other in the hospital when one of you is dying.
But yeah, you don't need a piece of paper to prove you love each other.
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