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No really doesn't mean no. In many cases its a test to see how the other person responds. She doesn't want to marry someone who makes her feel trapped....
Is it really though? If it’s important to the OP it is wisest to figure out if she is on the same page. This is how we end up in five and eight year relationships and wonder how we have fundamental and insurmountable differences in goal and life direction than our partners. If she isn’t sure she will ever get married, it could go either way. That’s fine. But counting on or even hoping it will go one particular way is where I see a big risk.
You just can’t pin your hopes on someone else changing or deciding a particular way. That’s not fair to them. Talking about his and figuring out where she stands and what her criteria or litmuses are on this is probably a very wise idea at this stage of the relationship.
I don't disagree that it's a subject for discussion but it's as likely that he may change his viewpoint as that she may change hers
At 9 months it may be just too soon to be definite on both their sides.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Schmooky
Is it really though? .
Yes, most people I know that got married had doubts about wanting to get married. People that I know that have adamantly been against getting married, never have. Questioning whether something is right for them is very different than knowing it isn't.
And it's always a "big risk", just because someone wants to be married and dates you awhile, it doesn't mean they want to marry you. Been there a few times myself, on both sides.
9 months? I’m pretty sure I had this sussed out with my husband in nine days of seriously dating/courting. And we were married in LESS than 9 months from the starting point. I can’t eveb comprehend not discussing this within the first few weeks or seriously seeing someone, especially if they’ve been previously married . To each their own.
Yes, most people I know that got married had doubts about wanting to get married. People that I know that have adamantly been against getting married, never have. Questioning whether something is right for them is very different than knowing it isn't.
My experience has been the opposite - someone who talks about never marrying us much more likely to stick to it than someone who wants to marry deciding they don’t. That’s what I was referring to in the OP’s priorities. If it is important to him it is likely to remain so.
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. To each their own.
