Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I always think it's best to be straightforward as often as possible.
It's real, it's your truth. It's not hurtful to just come out and say what you feel. You can be kind about it, as I am sure you would be.
Just tell him your feelings. It means something to you, therefore it should be important to him to take that into consideration.
Tell him why you'd like him to be more dressy and sharp, and maybe see if he'd be receptive to having you suggest some items or shop with him. Some guys don't think about apparel overmuch.
I never cared what people wear. Comfort over style. I think women look wonderful in snuggy sweatpants and a tee. But I do try to look nice even while casual. I also do appreciate and notice when people dress up. And I think a man should dress specifically to please his Lady. Women put up with a lot from us guys. The least we can do is our best to make them proud of us.
Maybe you ask him out to a nice restaurant, comment that you look forward to dressing up, tell him what you are wearing (be brief or he will tune out), and ask if he has some nice slacks and a button down.
If he doesn't change plans. I don't think the bad clothes is a deal breaker, BUT only if he is willing to upgrade a tad.
DH was kinda the same, he wore all work out clothes, home renovation clothes and uniforms. He had a few nice things for dates though.
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
He's an adult, and his grooming choices are his. If you can't live with sloppy dressing, move on. If it's not that big a deal to you, stay the course if you like him.
But, no, there's no good way to broach attire critiques with somebody you don't even really know well, and it isn't your place. You're not obligated to keep seeing him, if you feel that the effort he puts into his appearance is indicative of stuff that just doesn't work for you. So it's up to you to decide what you could and couldn't live with. You CAN tell him you don't approve of his sartorial choices, but, as an adult, if somebody I had just stayed seeing felt at liberty to critique my clothing, I'd be outta there, personally. I don't necessarily see what good would come out of telling him he dresses like a slob.
Some have noted that there are girlfriends out there who "dress" their boyfriends. While this is true, I can't imagine ever doing it. It's not my place to revamp somebody's wardrobe, image. I have two little kids I dress, I don't dress adults. My husband is on his own. Sometimes, it's something I'd pick out, sometimes, it's not. Whatever, he's a grownup.
I understand what you're saying, marketa but not sure how you'd go about changing it with someone you don't know all that well.
Just throwing this out there since there doesn't seem to be any polite way.
Maybe approach is from the backside?
Mention that your dress styles are obviously different and ask him if he's uncomfortable with you "dressing up" all the time.
It might get him to say something that will give you a clue as to how he views appearance and help you decide whether or not you can deal with it or if maybe that there's a possibility he's open to a change.
How about not trying to change him and let him be as he likes. Will take you both much further in life. If you care about his shoes and not about him then something is wrong.
I was dating a woman for a time this year that was a bad dresser as well. Even when she tried to dress up a bit she just had a bad sense of style. Most of the time she just wore a t-shirt and jeans or yoga pants (which is fine for a hike in the park, but not so much for a nice dinner).
After some thought I just let it be. She was crazy intelligent, had a great sense of humor, and was genuinely kind. Once I decided I really liked who she was I asked myself the question of how important were the clothes….turns out after that it really didn't bother me so much. And I was happier not letting it get to me.
So I'm inclined to agree with SWFL_Native, find a way to get past it and let him be him.
Objurgation - you're doing it here. Did this make you feel better? I can't imagine someone taking this approach IRL.
OP - I'll piggyback on blondiel and ellie, try to see if he will get dressed up for a specific occasion. He is most likely caught up with work too much to notice his attire isn't appropriate for every situation.
You would be wrong, unlike you, I have scolded no one. The OP is entitled to do as she likes, as my post suggests.
That's a problem with forums though, it's hard to tell the feeling behind someone else's post, or to tell them what they are doing when you simply have no way of knowing, as you are not them.
Rather than telling a partner to change, you might get better results if once in a while you say that it makes you feel proud to have a great looking partner when you are out. Style is one thing, clean is another.
What you feel about the way your partner dresses is normal. Usually it's the guy who dresses sloppy and bothers the woman. More women than men care about fashion. It's true about the saying 'Clothes make the man'.
Of course this doesn't apply to everyone. Sometimes the men are fashion bosses in the relationships but more often than not it's the women who have the eye. And sometimes you get both parties where fashion doesn't matter.
I am of the school that I have to like the person for who he is and trying to change people rarely works.
He's a firefighter. He doesn't have dress up clothing because he doesn't need it for work.
My experience with men is it works best to come out and say what you mean. Subtlety goes over their heads and they generally resent being manipulated.
If he doesn't dress up or the relationship is over, you have nothing to lose. You can be kind about it but tell him that he needs to take more care of his appearance
If I wanted to keep him I wouldn't care about his dress. Maybe tell him I'd sure rather go for a pizza instead of the fancy restaurant, but i genuinely dont care about fancy restaurants.. Possibly after the relationship was better established, I might put my finger into the hole in his shirt, grin at him and comment he was a little under dressed for where we were, and then maybe rest my head on his arm and give his arm a squeeze to let him know he mattered and not his shirt.
OP, you want a snappy dresser and this guy isn't it. Go find your fashionable guy elsewhere.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
