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Surely glad that my late wife of 40 years and I lied a bit to each other in those early days.
I agree to an extent. As I've mentioned ad nauseum on here, people talk too much early on, they divulge too much information, and they have first date's, but then they wonder why they didn't get a second date. I feel a few ''White lies'' are okay in the early stages of dating. For instance, when I first started dating my now-fiance, I didn't tell her that I went over 4 years without having sex in my late 20's, or that I had very few dates over that span, none of which turned into a second date. I didn't make up a bunch of stuff, about how I had regularly been dating non-stop in that time period, but I didn't divulge this information until after a couple months. Just like when I had my first second date in 4-5 years, I didn't tell that woman that she was the first one to give me a second date in 4+ years, and that I hadn't had sex since the last time I was with my ex-girlfriend of 5+ years. It was none of her business at that point. We may have never saw each other again, for all I knew.
You don't need to go making things up, but you also don't need to divulge information, which is almost certainly irrelevant at that point. People do this so much on first dates, and they're shooting themselves in the face when they do this. Whether it's complaining about their ex, being too honest about how unsuccessful they are with dating, how no one wants to date them, how ugly they are, how hot they are and how everyone wants to date them, what kind of mental or psychological issues they have, the crime their dad was charged with, maybe talking too much about their own legal record, how poor their family life is and how awful their family treated them while growing up. How much they hate their job, bankruptcies, etc. These kinds of things KILL attraction. Talk about things that aren't depressing and aren't gonna drag your character through the mud. You're basically slandering yourself.
You don't believe me? Try it out next time you're out on a first date, or maybe even on a second, third or fourth. If you really wanna kill your chances, test it out over the phone, before you even have your date. I'd say the odds of the date ever happening, then become very slim.
I agree to an extent. As I've mentioned ad nauseum on here, people talk too much early on, they divulge too much information... being too honest about how unsuccessful they are with dating, how no one wants to date them, how ugly they are, how hot they are and how everyone wants to date them... If you really wanna kill your chances, test it out over the phone, before you even have your date. I'd say the odds of the date ever happening, then become very slim.
Agreed. The guy I'm seeing said he had no luck on POF and didn't find anyone he actually wanted to meet. I told him about one of my worst dates: I tried to hold a guys hand after dinner, he wasn't making any moves. I was startled by him swatting my hand away and telling me he was "carrying".
Dumb story that makes me look awkward.
We both laughed, now he likes to tease me about the the guy who slapped my hands away...I dont interupt him by saying: "oh you didn't let me finish, there were maybe 3 out of 50 that weren't so good... the others are still mostly in my contacts. I could probably call any of them up at any time and go out with one again, I just wasn't looking for a serious boyfriend."
Disagree. I don't appreciate "white lies" or any kind of lies, really.
How is it a white lie or any kind of lie? RunningTheives is simply saying that you don't have to divulge every single thing in your life on a 1st date, and he's right. I certainly don't, and I'm pretty sure all of my dates never have either.
I do think RunningTheives should have used another word than white lie, as that's not really what his example is talking about.
How is it a white lie or any kind of lie? RunningTheives is simply saying that you don't have to divulge every single thing in your life on a 1st date, and he's right. I certainly don't, and I'm pretty sure all of my dates never have either.
I do think RunningTheives should have used another word than white lie, as that's not really what his example is talking about.
There's a difference between lying and not being forthcoming. I think, being reserved on the first date is what RWTheives is talking about.
Disagree. I don't appreciate "white lies" or any kind of lies, really.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewYorker11356
How is it a white lie or any kind of lie? RunningTheives is simply saying that you don't have to divulge every single thing in your life on a 1st date, and he's right. I certainly don't, and I'm pretty sure all of my dates never have either.
I do think RunningTheives should have used another word than white lie, as that's not really what his example is talking about.
Mostly, I was speaking of not divulging, but I also think a few actual white lies are acceptable, let me give you an example and I'll use myself here.
Okay, so let's say your date asks early on, first date, phone (I try to keep off the phone as much as possible, especially before a date), etc. ''How do you get along with your parents? What are they like?''. Now for me, my dad has been dead 4 years, in about 10 days from now. So, I would have to explain my dad is no longer alive, which I have no problem doing. Usually, this brings up the topic of ''Well, how did you take it? How did you get along? What was your relationship with him like?''. And I have nothing nice to say about him. In fact, once I start talking about him, I tend to start ranting and my ugly side comes out. So I would tell a little fib, ''We got along alright, weren't that close before his death''. And that wouldn't completely be a lie, because it's not like we never got along, but later on in his life, we did not and we weren't speaking anymore. Rather than air out all my dirty laundry, I'd take the high road, so we don't have to go down that bumpy road. Where I would have to tell her that my dad sucks, I don't care that he's dead, he wasn't a good person and he was a convicted felon for having sex with an underage girl when he was in his 30's. We don't need to get into any of this. I don't even like that I had to divulge that last part in this post, let alone on a date with someone I'm trying not to kill attraction with. Making out like he was not a terrible person, is a classy way to go. Rather than saying ''You know what, I don't care that he's dead, to hell with him, I hope that's where he is right now and he had sex with a girl a few years underage, when he was in his 30's. The world is so much better off without this individual!''.
Another example, but this doesn't apply to me, because I think highly of the woman who was my only serious relationship before this, but many people don't think highly of their exes. Let's say their ex was a terrible person. It would probably be in your best interest to not tell your new date, how terrible your ex was. Or how much he/she cheated on you, or how badly he/she hurt you. So I think it's perfectly acceptable to say ''We had our ups and downs, but that's part of the past now''. You don't need emphasize how bad the relationship really was. Another example, let's say you don't really like your job. It would be in your best interest to at least pretend like you don't HATE it. You can always say ''I'm really interested in doing that, but right now I'm doing this'', rather than say ''I frickin hate it, it sucks, I can't stand it! GRRRR!!!''.
I'm not advocating that people make up a bunch of stuff, or tell their date that they're a doctor, when they're really a landscaper. See what I mean?
Surely glad that my late wife of 40 years and I lied a bit to each other in those early days.
what did you lie about each other? I am curious coz your statement is intriguing.
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