Debating whether to date a woman that has been divorced twice (marriage, women)

[wowowee]

It's fine, I guess. Just don't marry her. You don't want to be the reason she's divorced 3x right?

[Missy2U]

Originally Posted by va_bank

Neither do you, but you got very defensive. OP asked for advice and got it. Sorry you didn't like it.

Your quote was: "Sure, just don't marry her." Why would you say that if you weren't being judgmental? And yes, in this case, I'm getting defensive - he quotes I mentioned in my post were not called for in my opinion. You flat out told him not to marry her - why ELSE would you say that unless you were judging her fitness (and by extension, mine) as a wife?

[Ann Onn]

Just take it slow. Get to know her. Did she learn from those marriages and divorces?

Some of us don't get it right the first or second time around. Her marriages were of decent duration, so I doubt she's a total flake.

I've been divorced twice, SO divorced thrice. No, we may never marry, but if things continue to go well, I'd say we are "relationship material". People grow and change throughout a lifetime.

[PetiteGem]

So far you are judging based on material and the fact that she's been divorced twice. I would be more concerned that she is freshly divorced and has a 10 year old living at home. You stated the 20 year old is on their own however being a mother is eternal and that is still her flesh and blood, you never know what direction life can take and they may need to move back home.

Maybe she's the type that can't stay without a man, codependent. Since my divorce, I have taken the time to understand who I am. I sincerely doubt that she has done the same.

[adjusterjack]

Originally Posted by Missy2U

why ELSE would you say that unless you were judging her fitness (and by extension, mine) as a wife?

What the hell is wrong with you that you would infer a judgment of somebody else as a judgment on you?


You got such little self esteem?

[SUPbud]

Date her for five years,

then decide if you would marry her and be happy and proud to be husband #3

[The Dissenter]

Originally Posted by Missy2U

Your quote was: "Sure, just don't marry her." Why would you say that if you weren't being judgmental? And yes, in this case, I'm getting defensive - he quotes I mentioned in my post were not called for in my opinion. You flat out told him not to marry her - why ELSE would you say that unless you were judging her fitness (and by extension, mine) as a wife?

IMO someone should have their fitness as a spouse questioned if they have been divorced twice. Now your situation is a unique situation which has a very valid explanation provided someone is willing to hear it. But otherwise, two broken marriages should be cause to pause for a person deciding to date you or not. It can be an indicator of trouble, not in every case, but definitely not something to just cast aside.

[DefiantNJ]

It depends if you have better options or not. I hope you are not too offended if I guess that you probably don't. Although I of course don't know for sure...


But if you have other options, especially if someone is not divorced, then forgot about her. If you don't then be extremely careful. Date her casually for a while, don't meet her kids, don't make any commitments. See if you last at least six month to a year and then go from there...

[Mikala43]

Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut

If her two husbands died mysteriously it would raise a red flag. Aside from that, I say give her and yourself chance at love .

Yeah, told my current husband he couldn't die before me or it would look bad.

My husband was divorced twice, and it was something we discussed. So far, so good.

[Frihed89]

Some people just don't like to live through hell. But why a second time? My first wife married me, a drunk. It was hell for her, even after I quit (42 yrs. ago). Then she married a drug addict. He didn't make it.