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Im in college, I have a great boyfriend, I have a very high gpa, lots of friends, have 3 jobs, a great family, and my entire future planned out for me.
BUT very often I feel like something is missing. I have never been a rule breaker, or anything like that. My life is ...average. I dont really go to college parties because I'm not interesetd in underage drinking.
I have really high expectations for myself so I never settle for anything less than perfect.
WELL, now I have everything I could ask for...so now what?
What happens when you reach all your goals? I feel like I have nothing to work for now.
What I have recently found myself doing is becoming really nit-picky about stuff that I shouldnt have big problems with.
For example, my boyfriend takes me out to new resturants with exotic foods (even though I never really want to go) and gets me to try new things- always resulting negativly for my taste buds. (lol) But I still get frustrated with stuff like this because I think if I was dating someone else, they would treat me differently.
Basically the only thing I can think of is that I need to change something in my relationship or make goals for my bf and I.
IM NOT interested in breaking up with my bf. We are very much in love and talk about marriage almost daily.
Do you think I'm just being stupid? What could this empyness be?
I really want to take my relationship with my bf to the next level, but I'm too young to be officially engaged. What should I do?
Total fulfillment and purpose in life can only be realized temporarily thru things, experiences, people, situations, meeting academic goals, making money, moving up the proverbial ladder, etc... Eventually, an emptyness of feeling there must be more to life than this starts to set in. I was exactly where you are , except i was 31 when it occured. Like you, i had fulfilled all my dreams , had plenty of money , payed off my house and was totally debtfree by the time i was 38 . I yearned for something deeper and more significant in my life ; it wasnt until i realized mans greatest ultimate purpose in life can be no other than getting to know the personal Creator of our Universe thru a real personal relationship involving Christ, did my life drastically change . Now every day is fulfilling , exciting, and meaninful and most of all i have the real expectation of going to heaven forever. Id like to encourage you and your b/f to find a good sound Evangelical type Church to start attending where you can grow together in your relationship to God , and to one another. A Church is a valueable instrument to this ultimate journey. Regards.
Total fulfillment and purpose in life can only be realized temporarily thru things, experiences, people, situations, meeting academic goals, making money, moving up the proverbial ladder, etc... Eventually, an emptyness of feeling there must be more to life than this starts to set in. I was exactly where you are , except i was 31 when it occured. Like you, i had fulfilled all my dreams , had plenty of money , payed off my house and was totally debtfree by the time i was 38 . I yearned for something deeper and more significant in my life ; it wasnt until i realized mans greatest ultimate purpose in life can be no other than getting to know the personal Creator of our Universe thru a real personal relationship involving Christ, did my life drastically change . Now every day is fulfilling , exciting, and meaninful and most of all i have the real expectation of going to heaven forever. Id like to encourage you and your b/f to find a good sound Evangelical type Church to start attending where you can grow together in your relationship to God , and to one another. A Church is a valueable instrument to this ultimate journey. Regards.
I thank you for your advice about joining a church, but the truth is neither of us are extreamly religious and we have made the decision to not take part in organized religion, however we are both spiritual. Although I don't intend on becoming part of a church, maybe taking more time to understand the world will help me in my search to find whatever it is that I am missing.
I thank you very much for your advice. Happy thoughts to you.
When a person feels that they have reached a goal that they had set, it's a pretty good sign that the goal wasn't much to begin with. Especially someone as young as you are.
Life Goals should have an on-going, growth potential. It's not like a goal of building a house, when the last nail is hammered in and the job is done.
Perhaps you are missing something by trying too hard for perfection. Have you ever asked yourself why perfection is important to you? It's not to most people. Most of us know that we have shortcomings, and we accept it.
As far as not going to parties just because you don't want to see drinking.....maybe there may be enough sober people there that you would have a good time anyway. It might do you good to see how other people accept what they have. At least it's amusing to see how behavior changes when someone has a few too many drinks. I think the true personality emerges. Start going to parties, if you don't like exotic food, go anyway. But go with the attitude that THIS time, it may be something you find that you like.
In other words....try everything on the menu. Not only at the exotic restaurant, but in everyday life.
Thanks for your ideas. I take every bit of advice with great pleasure.
I should have mentioned earlier that I am a resident assistant in my college and so I would lose my job by attending parties with underage drinking (unfortunately drinking parties are the only form of parties found at my school)
I also have been fortunate and have accomplished many of my life goals at a young age. I guess what I mean by accomplishing life goals is for example, I have a steady job awaiting me when I get out of college. I wrote a book and now I'm awaiting its publication. I have found someone to spend the rest of my life with but will not marry until we have completed graduate school. My boyfriend and I are recieving a house in Malibu (being passed down to us from family) along with a chain of resturants.
I guess my point is that I now have nothing to "figure out" and i'm bored.
You are in college, try to stay focused on being the best student you can be. Hopefully your major will lead you to a career in a job that you really enjoy. I think that college age people tend to think that they are now adults and all grown up. But really, you are just beginning your journey as an independent adult. Keep an open mind as you will be continuing to grow and find yourself for decades to come. Even after graduation, never stop trying to learn new things. I try to learn at least one new thing a day, no matter how small. It could be a foreign word, or how something is made. Also, don't forget to find yourself some hobbies to enjoy on the side. Or do some volunteer work like be a mentor to a young person or work at an animal shelter.
It sounds like you may be growing away from your boyfriend. For a start, go to the library and find some good non-academic books to read. But don't think that you are all grown up and this is all there is to life. Another thought is to plan a road trip this summer to some part of the country you've never been before. And instead of going with your boyfriend, go with a good girlfriend or even by yourself. I've taken countless road trips by myself with a dog.
OK, you have reached a few goals.....you have a job waiting for you. Is this job going to last you the rest of your life? Will you still want this same job when you are 60? or 75? Suppose someone decides that you aren't really what the job needs, then where is your "goal?" Be flexible. Think of wonderful possiblities if something came up that perhaps would be even better. It's possible, you know. I can think of nothing so boring as thinking that goals have been reached and there is no possibility of something better in the future. Material things like money and houses aren't really that important.
And it's wonderful that you have written a book. Now, do you think that writing that ONE book is enough to call a goal? Let's hope that it's a BEGINNING of an enrichment to you life, not just a Goal.
With all due respect, it sounds almost as if your life up to this point has been a well-scripted play: all the players making their entrances on cue, the techies working the lights just perfectly, everyone hitting their mark just right...
Bleh.
Mix it up! Get out of your confining little boxes and LIVE! You said it yourself - "My entire future planned out for me". How sad. and, how unrealistic. Life has a nasty habit of throwing a curveball when we least expect it - obviously you've been spared this, but the longer you go without a major overhaul to your laid-back, planned existence (because that's what you're doing right now - you're existing, not living), the greater will be the shock when it finally DOES hit.
And I'm sorry, but if your BF is content to keep you the way you are now, then he's just as guilty of inaction as you.
You don't want to drop the boyfriend? OK. (BTW - I suspect this is your first real BF - wrong? Right?) Tell him what's going on in your head - and not over some fancy dinner, either. Go for an old-fashioned picnic - basket, ants and all. You'd be surprised how open-air eating can sometimes focus your thoughts.
I initially wanted to suggest taking some time off and joining something like the Peace Corp - maybe if you would receive some "shock treatment" by seeing how the rest of the world lives, it would persuade you to change.
But I think the tell-tale line you mentioned is:
Quote:
I have really high expectations for myself so I never settle for anything less than perfect.
Guess what, dear? You can never, NEVER reach perfection!
Maybe you're just burned out from trying?
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You'd be surprised how open-air eating can sometimes focus your thoughts.
