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You tell a prospective date you're not serious, they think you'll do anyone. They worry about what youre bringing to the table, and what you're going to give them. Post you are looking for a relationship. Define it later if and when you meet and something happens. As stated before, women want sex, but they want respect. So if it doesn't work out, they regain their dignity by saying, we tried, he wasn't relationship material, so we broke up. You got to have bait to go fishing, you're not offering anything, so,,,,,,,,,,,, you're not going to get anything.
Most of my casual dalliances (from FWBs to FBs) begin with some dates and one of us realizes we're not a good match for a romantic relationship, but we like each other or at least both really like the sex, so, we have more. Some are just women that don't want, or don't have time for, something deeper, which is especially common among women my age group.
If I were single again I would not want to just hook up. Why bother??? Not to be crass, but if it's the physical, I can handle that myself.
What I'd want a man for would be for the actual companionship/interaction/stimulating talk/fun running around and doing stuff, plus the physical. If it's just the companionship, that's a friend. If it's just the physical...not worth it...why get excited about one body part v. someone else's body part? It is so much more than that.
And if I couldn't find that? That would be okay. Why rush it? Again...I wouldn't need to rush it just to have a physical sensation. And I wouldn't need to rush it in order to hurry and have kids and raise them...buy a house...all the "just starting out" 20something or 30something stuff. Can't find a boyfriend? Okay, going to Europe, see yas later. I'll look again when I get back!
If I were single again I would not want to just hook up. Why bother??? Not to be crass, but if it's the physical, I can handle that myself.
What I'd want a man for would be for the actual companionship/interaction/stimulating talk/fun running around and doing stuff, plus the physical. If it's just the companionship, that's a friend. If it's just the physical...not worth it...why get excited about one body part v. someone else's body part? It is so much more than that.
And if I couldn't find that? That would be okay. Why rush it? Again...I wouldn't need to rush it just to have a physical sensation. And I wouldn't need to rush it in order to hurry and have kids and raise them...buy a house...all the "just starting out" 20something or 30something stuff. Can't find a boyfriend? Okay, going to Europe, see yas later. I'll look again when I get back!
JMO.
I seriously couldn't see myself trying to sleep with every woman I see. It just seems boring and unfulfilling.
If I were single again I would not want to just hook up. Why bother??? Not to be crass, but if it's the physical, I can handle that myself.
What I'd want a man for would be for the actual companionship/interaction/stimulating talk/fun running around and doing stuff, plus the physical. If it's just the companionship, that's a friend. If it's just the physical...not worth it...why get excited about one body part v. someone else's body part? It is so much more than that.
And if I couldn't find that? That would be okay. Why rush it? Again...I wouldn't need to rush it just to have a physical sensation. And I wouldn't need to rush it in order to hurry and have kids and raise them...buy a house...all the "just starting out" 20something or 30something stuff. Can't find a boyfriend? Okay, going to Europe, see yas later. I'll look again when I get back!
JMO.
If I were single again, I'd be trying to reconnect with my former FB, because a really skilled partner CAN make you feel things you cannot accomplish on your own, and those experiences can be a lot of fun. I did not think so in the past, I thought that there was nothing a man could do for me that I couldn't do alone...I admit now to have been wrong about that, but there are very few men who can actually walk their talk. VERY few. To the point that the idea of pursuing someone new that I have no history with, is unappealing much in the way you describe here. But I'd seek out one who was very good.
And those evenings were great, I mean he and I didn't always go do stuff in the world together, but we might have dinner, he'd share some of the amazing food he made from what he grew in his garden, we'd listen to great music, have really enjoyable conversation and then extremely fun sex. Those were good times! I'd do that again.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 49ersfan27
I seriously couldn't see myself trying to sleep with every woman I see. It just seems boring and unfulfilling.
I get a little irritated with the notion some people have, that if a person (a woman especially) does not hold out for The ONE and try to make every connection this life altering commitment, then clearly they/she is willing to sleep with anyone and everyone they/she see(s). I guess this misconception might be because a man who wants casual sex does, or will, be less picky about who it's with? When I was in that stage of wanting more casual stuff, I was still really particular about it. I had a lot of options, and very few out of those wound up becoming partners.
If I were single again, I'd be trying to reconnect with my former FB, because a really skilled partner CAN make you feel things you cannot accomplish on your own, and those experiences can be a lot of fun. I did not think so in the past, I thought that there was nothing a man could do for me that I couldn't do alone...I admit now to have been wrong about that, but there are very few men who can actually walk their talk. VERY few. To the point that the idea of pursuing someone new that I have no history with, is unappealing much in the way you describe here. But I'd seek out one who was very good.
And those evenings were great, I mean he and I didn't always go do stuff in the world together, but we might have dinner, he'd share some of the amazing food he made from what he grew in his garden, we'd listen to great music, have really enjoyable conversation and then extremely fun sex. Those were good times! I'd do that again.
I get a little irritated with the notion some people have, that if a person (a woman especially) does not hold out for The ONE and try to make every connection this life altering commitment, then clearly they/she is willing to sleep with anyone and everyone they/she see(s). I guess this misconception might be because a man who wants casual sex does, or will, be less picky about who it's with? When I was in that stage of wanting more casual stuff, I was still really particular about it. I had a lot of options, and very few out of those wound up becoming partners.
I just prefer dating one woman... I feel like I can make a connection if I just focus on one.
I just prefer dating one woman... I feel like I can make a connection if I just focus on one.
I agree, to the point where I gave up trying to juggle multiple attempts at connection to focus on building one relationship. But when I started into dating, I was in a place in life where I had no business trying to life-bond with anybody. Dating and keeping commitment out of it, made sense for where I was at during a particular time in my life. It was GREAT...but just because something is great, for a time, doesn't mean it's great forever. I compare it to going on vacation. You go to the beach for a week, it's glorious. Live by the beach, get tired of having sand in every crevice. Even paradise gets old. Especially if, rather than the kind of vacation where you relax and unwind, it's the kind where some crazy woman with a Groupon account has made an itinerary to account for your every waking moment. (That joke would make more sense if anyone knew my former girlfriend, and her Groupon habits.) Like imagine trying to live that kind of pace, burning the candle at both ends...maybe it's fun for a while, but yeah, it'll get exhausting...just too much to sustain.
So. I did that for a while. And then I stopped.
But even then, I wasn't indiscriminately just banging anybody. I don't think I've ever known anybody, who had literally no standards in that regard.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
If I were single again I would not want to just hook up. Why bother??? Not to be crass, but if it's the physical, I can handle that myself.
What I'd want a man for would be for the actual companionship/interaction/stimulating talk/fun running around and doing stuff, plus the physical. If it's just the companionship, that's a friend. If it's just the physical...not worth it...why get excited about one body part v. someone else's body part? It is so much more than that.
And if I couldn't find that? That would be okay. Why rush it? Again...I wouldn't need to rush it just to have a physical sensation. And I wouldn't need to rush it in order to hurry and have kids and raise them...buy a house...all the "just starting out" 20something or 30something stuff. Can't find a boyfriend? Okay, going to Europe, see yas later. I'll look again when I get back!
JMO.
You can have companionship, friendship, and do things with people that aren't romantic partners, including having sex with them. Some of the people I connect like that with have been partners for many years, it isn't like it is "just" sex.
And of course, you are you, but loads of people don't feel masturbation and sex with another person to be equivalents. So plenty of people do enjoying hooking up and having sex with new people and the excitement that comes with it. That's super common among the recently separated women I meet. They've had sex with one man in 10 years or longer, and then have sex with 10 in a few months of separating. They both have merits to different people at different times in their lives.
I find it difficult to find a woman to have a fling with because almost all of them are looking for a relationship.
Problem solved. Focus on the word I bolded for you. It's the ones who aren't you want to focus on .
I added myself to a certain website out there, I'll not shill for them, seeking arrangements. Lo and behold tons of responses, about half hookers and remainder women who are honest enough to admit they need a little help with rent or a goal and affection is reciprocated. What you do with the hookers is up to you, they're not different than those advertising on escort sites. Same ones, I assume.
A few, very few, want no strings attached physicality. When that's what I'm looking for, I'm honest about that without being the slightest vulgar. Just be tactful. About one in ten went for it. I have tons of replies because 1) I'm not a dirtbag 2) clean up well 3) live in a nice part of town 4) have substantial assets the dummies think they can fleece out of me 5) passed a background check that I paid for on the site, thus have some sort of stamp of approval. I have no problem with a little wine and dine to increase that "safe" feeling and establish rapport; it has never changed the outcome we both are there for. Take 'em to the Sizzler and drive junk, you'll end up with what most losers get: nothing leads to nothing, I'd say "less than zero" considering the effort expended with no returns.
= bonanza, if you work it carefully. Like any other online-anything, or the bar pickup for that matter, you'd better have your game on and honed very finely indeed. The grand game does not tolerate amateurs, pikers, main-chancers, wannabes, dorks talking about heavy equipment or puppets, fleecers who think they are smarter than everyone else, etc.
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I'll look again when I get back!
