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Sure we are. If we sit around, don't contribute financially even though we could, and our husbands are put-upon? Oh YES we are "looked down on." You have no idea of the subtleties and the guilt and pressure applied here as you aren't a woman. Yes, we are judged, and harshly, in any number of circumstances but also this one...for sure.
And yes, a significant percentage of the nation has to work, male and female. Has to, as in, they don't eat otherwise. Reality, please check it.
Amen and pass the syrup!
I was a single divorced mom for many years. I worked ALL those years, and I still work now. I guess I COULD'VE applied for food stamps, Sec. 8 housing, and whatever other programs were available...and you KNOW there would be those accusing me of living off of the gov.
I remember one time, I got let go from a job, so I went to sign up for unemployment benefits. I thought "I'll take it easy for a couple of weeks". Hell...those benefits were so small...Nope, I went out and got another job instead.
I find it amazing that so many people don't seem to want to work. That's what this thread is about right? Men want society to accept and embrace their choice to be non-contributing members?
But in mine, everyone I know works and WANTS to work... they hustle. Many actually work jobs most of us would cringe to work. Those that are SAHM are also working too. You can either contribute to the household financially (primary earner of the household) or through labor (raising children, household duties) or a combination of both.
I've never seen anyone look down on SAHM... I consider their children lucky. (SAHD? well that's different..)
The only women I've seen looked down on are the SAHW (no children) who have the resources (wealthy spouse / trust fund types) to outsource everything and yet have the audacity to judge those of us working stiffs whose homes aren't as immaculate as theirs (among other things). In that case, it isn't about gender but rather social economics.
I find it amazing that so many people don't seem to want to work. That's what this thread is about right? Men want society to accept and embrace their choice to be non-contributing members?
I had to review the Chris Rock comment, in light of this post. I don't think that's what it's about, exactly, but maybe that's just me. There's a difference between being self-supporting, and providing. One can earn enough to be fully self-supporting, an independently-functioning adult, but not earn enough to be a provider. I think it's the provider expectation that the thread is about.
I find it amazing that so many people don't seem to want to work. That's what this thread is about right? Men want society to accept and embrace their choice to be non-contributing members?
I agree. I can't relate. I have spent my adult life working and during the few months before I was able to find freelance work after our move (I had worked full-time outside the home while married/with children for 18 years by that point) I felt very depressed. I wondered what the hell I was doing, not bringing in an income but more importantly, not being part of a group of other people all moving forward, all making society "move" and go via our work efforts.
Okay, that sounds very "And Work Shall Set You Free," LOL, not sure I'm explaining it well but when NOT working I was VERY depressed.
I can see in later years when I am not working because it's retirement, and I and my husband are doing things together, but...as a young, vibrant person or even now, well into middle age? People JUST want to sit around? Who? Where? Thank God I don't know them.
I find it amazing that so many people don't seem to want to work. That's what this thread is about right? Men want society to accept and embrace their choice to be non-contributing members?
I think we want to feel like the contribution we're making is enough. If there's a constant in the many topics here discussing men and our part in relationships, it's that many men feel like they're not enough. I'm not blaming that on women, but it's a pretty ubiquitous on this forum, and while it's not as palpable or as commonly discussed off line, it's there.
Men in my age group, if I can still be considered middle aged at 60, kill themselves about 7 times as often as women the same age. The two main reasons are health and financial struggles, and the health issues often involve fear of ruining his or his families finances through health care costs or the inability to work, or both. I'm in no way suggesting that women are doing this to men or that women don't support men who are struggling, but men do have a deep seated and exaggerated fear of being less useful than they feel they should be.
I'm not sure what that statistic means, but it means something.
These days, you can’t really give anyone the benefit of the doubt. Just too much a risk for BS and no one has that kind of time to mop up afterward.
I learn this the hard way each and every time. You want to be a kind and loving person but some people take advantage of it and think it's weakness.
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