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This is what I've been wondering, since early on in the OP's narrative. Women are attracted to guys with some level of pizzazz. The OP doesn't come across as that kind of guy, with sufficient confidence to have some of that spark. Though he says he's able to make women laugh, which is something, but ... that's not a golden key, by itself. IDK...
I'm not a stick in the mid I have a good sense of humor..I haven't been overly flirty I admit because of the situation
I don’t understand why it’s so looked down upon to not accept friendship with someone that you want to be more than friends with. I have never understood why anyone would frown upon this.
To me, it was never an indictment on them as a person. It’s especially a bad idea when you really want more than friendship with them, then you’re just being friends with them for the WRONG reasons. And that’s not right or sincere or being genuine to them, either.
The OP really shouldn’t have let it drag out this long into a 7 months of back and forth, just being friends, but hiding his feelings from her for so long, either. It’s not good for a person to spend so much time hanging out with someone they’re hung up on, who isn’t hung up on them as anything more than just a friend.
I don’t understand why it’s so looked down upon to not accept friendship with someone that you want to be more than friends with. I have never understood why anyone would frown upon this.
To me, it was never an indictment on them as a person. It’s especially a bad idea when you really want more than friendship with them, then you’re just being friends with them for the WRONG reasons. And that’s not right or sincere or being genuine to them, either.
The OP really shouldn’t have let it drag out this long into a 7 months of back and forth, just being friends, but hiding his feelings from her for so long, either. It’s not good for a person to spend so much time hanging out with someone they’re hung up on, who isn’t hung up on them as anything more than just a friend.
I don't look down on not accepting the friendship. What I look down on is that the OP was faking actually being her friend in the first place. He had presumably already "accepted" the friendship for 7 long months and he asserted on here over and over again that no, it wasn't because she was a hottie, she was truly his friend, he was truly her friend, blah blah. Then IMMEDIATELY he said he "had no use for" her (no, I'm not buying "oh, that was facetious, get real) as soon as he knew he wasn't getting into her pants.
I don't believe in "staying friends with" an ex if one doesn't want to but it's the OP who was insisting over and over again that he WAS friends with her and that the reason he didn't want to bring this to a head was that he didn't want to lose the friendship. Those were his words. Not anybody else's here.
Not wanting to stay "friends" because that would hurt? That, I get. But this was a case of: the OP was never genuine with this girl. Never, ever. And maybe that's part of the problem and after all, didn't he come here looking for help with this as an ongoing thing for 38 long years???
The OP didn't spend 7 months being friends with her. He was never her actual friend. He spent 7 months being around and hoping like hell she was going to drop her pants and jump on him because her hugging him, touching his hand, and even lying down and going to sleep with him weren't hints enough. He didn't act as her friend. Ever. He was phony about that from Day One at least the way he describes it. He didn't care about her as a friend, it seems like he didn't even like her as a person, the nasty way he decided she was useless once he realized her panties were staying up.
Looking at women this way, as things to be tricked by hanging around long enough, could be part of the problem and if OP wants to fix his problems...maybe he should look at the way HE'S treating women as much as they way he believes they're treating (or ignoring) him. I'd bet my left ovary this woman was picking up from Day One that he was fake and that he really didn't care one darned whit about HER, the actual her, the actual person. She capitalized on the good feeling of being wanted but she doubtless was never fooled into thinking he cared about her at all, so she never came through. It wasn't worth it.
I don't look down on not accepting the friendship. What I look down on is that the OP was faking actually being her friend in the first place. He had presumably already "accepted" the friendship for 7 long months and he asserted on here over and over again that no, it wasn't because she was a hottie, she was truly his friend, he was truly her friend, blah blah. Then IMMEDIATELY he said he "had no use for" her (no, I'm not buying "oh, that was facetious, get real) as soon as he knew he wasn't getting into her pants.
I don't believe in "staying friends with" an ex if one doesn't want to but it's the OP who was insisting over and over again that he WAS friends with her and that the reason he didn't want to bring this to a head was that he didn't want to lose the friendship. Those were his words. Not anybody else's here.
Not wanting to stay "friends" because that would hurt? That, I get. But this was a case of: the OP was never genuine with this girl. Never, ever. And maybe that's part of the problem and after all, didn't he come here looking for help with this as an ongoing thing for 38 long years???
The OP didn't spend 7 months being friends with her. He was never her actual friend. He spent 7 months being around and hoping like hell she was going to drop her pants and jump on him because her hugging him, touching his hand, and even lying down and going to sleep with him weren't hints enough. He didn't act as her friend. Ever. He was phony about that from Day One at least the way he describes it. He didn't care about her as a friend, it seems like he didn't even like her as a person, the nasty way he decided she was useless once he realized her panties were staying up.
Looking at women this way, as things to be tricked by hanging around long enough, could be part of the problem and if OP wants to fix his problems...maybe he should look at the way HE'S treating women as much as they way he believes they're treating (or ignoring) him. I'd bet my left ovary this woman was picking up from Day One that he was fake and that he really didn't care one darned whit about HER, the actual her, the actual person. She capitalized on the good feeling of being wanted but she doubtless was never fooled into thinking he cared about her at all, so she never came through. It wasn't worth it.
I definitely agree with you here. It’s just a meme I’ve seen a lot on this forum when someone says they don’t want or accept friendship with someone that rejected them. Not something exclusive to this thread.
I don’t understand why the OP didn’t bring this to her attention back in August. He wasted 7 months, trying to be her friend, pretending to be her friend, whatever. Didn’t have the nerve to tell her then how he felt and that’s 7 months of being hung up on this person. That’s over half a year. Half a year that you don’t get back. This is the kind of stuff I used to do when I was like 14-19.
I don't look down on not accepting the friendship. What I look down on is that the OP was faking actually being her friend in the first place. He had presumably already "accepted" the friendship for 7 long months and he asserted on here over and over again that no, it wasn't because she was a hottie, she was truly his friend, he was truly her friend, blah blah. Then IMMEDIATELY he said he "had no use for" her (no, I'm not buying "oh, that was facetious, get real) as soon as he knew he wasn't getting into her pants.
I don't believe in "staying friends with" an ex if one doesn't want to but it's the OP who was insisting over and over again that he WAS friends with her and that the reason he didn't want to bring this to a head was that he didn't want to lose the friendship. Those were his words. Not anybody else's here.
Not wanting to stay "friends" because that would hurt? That, I get. But this was a case of: the OP was never genuine with this girl. Never, ever. And maybe that's part of the problem and after all, didn't he come here looking for help with this as an ongoing thing for 38 long years???
The OP didn't spend 7 months being friends with her. He was never her actual friend. He spent 7 months being around and hoping like hell she was going to drop her pants and jump on him because her hugging him, touching his hand, and even lying down and going to sleep with him weren't hints enough. He didn't act as her friend. Ever. He was phony about that from Day One at least the way he describes it. He didn't care about her as a friend, it seems like he didn't even like her as a person, the nasty way he decided she was useless once he realized her panties were staying up.
Looking at women this way, as things to be tricked by hanging around long enough, could be part of the problem and if OP wants to fix his problems...maybe he should look at the way HE'S treating women as much as they way he believes they're treating (or ignoring) him. I'd bet my left ovary this woman was picking up from Day One that he was fake and that he really didn't care one darned whit about HER, the actual her, the actual person. She capitalized on the good feeling of being wanted but she doubtless was never fooled into thinking he cared about her at all, so she never came through. It wasn't worth it.
Don't you dare ever question my character ..ever since the beginning you've been trying to pin this on me..I don't mention what I've done but I've helped her out a lot and I care about her deeply..
Mod cut.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 03-17-2018 at 11:17 PM..
Reason: Inappropriate language.
She can tell you the truth without being hurtful. The thing is is that you're so invested in believing that you're hideous that you wouldn't believe anything that she told you that didn't confirm that. And we all know that you'll never ask her outright, even though you've got nothing to lose at this point. It could very well have been your indecisiveness and lack of confidence that turned her off.
You've been obsessing over this woman for months, but were ignoring all the signs that indicated that she wasn't into you like that (at least after you failed to make a move all those months ago.) That doesn't have to be about physical appearance at all. There are plenty of men out there who are decent-looking human beings but specific women may very well not want to make out them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JBT1980
Don't you dare ever question my character ..ever since the beginning you've been trying to pin this on me..I don't mention what I've done but I've helped her out a lot and I care about her deeply..
[snip]
I am only going off the things *you* said. We here have literally nothing else to go off of.
You let slip the useless thing. I didn't make that up.
You told us that you secretly wanted her but were hiding it. That was you.
You are the one saying you have been unable to have success with women.
Do you want help or don't you? Do you want to figure out what goes wrong over and over again or not? If not, why are you posting for advice? Taking advice is up to you. You can go on this way for 38 more years if that's what you wish.
I am only going off the things *you* said. We here have literally nothing else to go off of.
You let slip the useless thing. I didn't make that up.
You told us that you secretly wanted her but were hiding it. That was you.
You are the one saying you have been unable to have success with women.
Do you want help or don't you? Do you want to figure out what goes wrong over and over again or not? If not, why are you posting for advice? Taking advice is up to you. You can go on this way for 38 more years if that's what you wish.
I actually didn't ask for advice it didn't pertain to this thread but I mentioned it to a poster and started getting advice..
As I said my comment was facetious I do care for her but let's be honest once she gets into a relationship she won't see me anymore..
I didn't see her when she was dating only when she broke up
I actually didn't ask for advice it didn't pertain to this thread but I mentioned it to a poster and started getting advice..
As I said my comment was facetious I do care for her but let's be honest once she gets into a relationship she won't see me anymore..
I didn't see her when she was dating only when she broke up
Dating? When was she dating? You said she had just gotten a divorce last year and wasn't interested in dating anyone at the moment.
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