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From your prior posts you seem to get in touch with some pretty iffy women. I'm from a small town myself, and I didn't start getting with quality women until I left for a major city. The dating pool there was either obese/ugly, single mothers, or meth addicted.
You seem like a pretty bright and ambitious man. I always think you are wasting your time living in that place. I'm sure you are capable of acquiring an attractive, intelligent, and career driven independent woman.
I'm thinking the same things^^^. Maybe it's just me, but I'd rather be alone than entertain anything remotely close to a romantic relationship with this woman.
Well, I think it’s sweet that you’ve taken her on as a project, and I mean that both kindly and as a warning.
There’s this condition called codependency that you should read up on and reflect upon honestly in yourself. It manifests itself in many ways. In your case, you are receiving emotional rewards for helping this young lady. You are also attempting to CONTROL the situation by insisting (even if you’re only thinking about it) that she attend physical therapy, start driving, and ultimately leave her “suboptimal” family home. It’s a slippery slope fraught with illusions and self deception. You’re not being as altruistic as you think.
I don’t know what the endgame will be. Just own up to it.
This sounds like a horrible situation and I feel tired and defeated just hearing about it.
She's in a very tough spot - frankly, how does she even have the energy to date? 100% of her time and energy needs to be focused on her health and getting into a better living situation. Cynically, you may be the means to that end. But you'd likely be better off being a helpful friend (who doesn't get entwined in this bad family dynamic) than a BOYfriend/white knight.
Consider what SHE really needs and the healthiest role for you to play, if any, in all this.
I agree with pretty much all of this, except I'm not even sure you could even be a friend in this situation because of the unsupportive family / dependency issues. I think the family will just suck dry anyone who comes along.
I love the detail about feeding a malnourished, bedridden person Dr Pepper and chicken fries, LOL. Classic. No such thing as Ensure in this particular world.
I can't really deal with this rollercoaster and all the family drama right now.
Oh, I think there's a part of you that most definitely likes the roller coaster. Anyone who wouldn't want to deal with the roller coaster would have seen all the red flags on the first date and run away--and fast.
Stop putting this all on the unsupportive, dysfunctional family. She's an adult. She could ASK them to replace her light bulbs and pester them until they do. She could ask them to clean up her room. She could get a free emergency phone and call her own doctors. She could drink Ensure or even just water to stay hydrated and stave off UTIs.
But she isn't. 'Nough said.
Have you actually TALKED with her about accepting personal responsibility?
Stop putting this all on the unsupportive, dysfunctional family. She's an adult. She could ASK them to replace her light bulbs and pester them until they do. She could ask them to clean up her room. She could get a free emergency phone and call her own doctors. She could drink Ensure or even just water to stay hydrated and stave off UTIs.
But she isn't. 'Nough said.
Have you actually TALKED with her about accepting personal responsibility?
Again to me OP talking to her about taking responsibility just feeds into the codependent cycle. OP needs to accept her as is, or not. Changing her is not an option.
Again to me OP talking to her about taking responsibility just feeds into the codependent cycle. OP needs to accept her as is, or not. Changing her is not an option.
Yep. I mentioned this way back on the second page:
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle
Why are you giving her this ultimatum?
I'm not sure why you think she should prove this to you. Either you like her as she is or you don't. You aren't her father, and you shouldn't try to act like it. You're just dating to see if you care for each other and have things in common.
It doesn't sound like you do. So ... keep looking.
If she is not being honest with people on Tinder about her life situation, that's on her.
At this point it just feels like a weird sociological experiment. It's disturbing.
It's not unusual with a low appetite to want only tasty things, even if not healthy. I went through a time where everything tasted like cardboard. And my stomach didn't like hardly anything I put in it. I resorted to fries and a shake for a week or so. My stomach would accept that.
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