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I hope you guys wouldn't think I'm a weirdo after reading this.
I was talking with my family on the phone today. My grandma told me it's time for me to find a good guy and settle down ("stop studying, it's enough dear "). She said "when I was at your age (26), i had already had 4 children...your late grandpa and I were having a good time together. We were poor but everything was still nice. We knew we had four cute kids and we would do everything we could just to give them a better life. "
So, "you have to settle down. It's time. "
Then my mom. "when I was 26 I had your older sister and was having a risky marriage with your dad. Life was hard and I was always hoping that I had met somebody else and not him but I was glad that he gave me you two."
Then it's my grandma again. "Don't wait until you're 35 to have kids! It's too late and it would be really tiring for you, and good men among your age are going to extinct before you're 30! "
Yes it's me. 26, going to finish my degree, jobless, loveless(single), no dates, no kids.
Most of my friends have bf and few of them are going to marry soon. I constantly see their couple update on social media and doubt whether I will be able to find someone I really love in my life(I only had one bf for six years, in the end I found I didn't really love him because I didn't know what love is). I know it sounds ridiculous, but it's true. I feel like I've never really loved anyone in my life (I'm talking about love between men and women) I'm always too careful and rational and don't know how to interact with guys properly. If I liked the guy, I would behave awkwardly around him. I say and do and write stupid things! Also I'm too conservative. Never had ONS nor FWB and never want to have them. I have no interest in sex. I do want to find the one, I do want to have my own family but it seems so hard.
Too many nonsenses. Like the title of this post, I would like to ask everyone, what are/were you doing in your mid 20? What kind of relationship and mindset do/did you have?
Thank you!
Ps I believe many people have watched this " why 30 is not the new 20" video, I watched it when I was 23 and now the conversation today just reminded me of it...
Stop pressuring yourself, and stop allowing others to pressure you. You're caving in to grannie, really? Grannie, who had 4 kids at your age, in whatever her era and socio-economic niche was? What does that have to do with you, in 2018, working on an advanced degree?
OP, it's not unusual for grad students to be single and not be in a relationship. Have the fortitude to believe in yourself, and what's right for you. Didn't we advise you on a recent thread to tune your family members out, and to minimize contact, if they keep harassing you?
I suggest that when you do start looking for a job (I hope you're getting internships, while you're in school), to look far away from your family.
I hope you guys wouldn't think I'm a weirdo after reading this.
I was talking with my family on the phone today. My grandma told me it's time for me to find a good guy and settle down ("stop studying, it's enough dear "). She said "when I was at your age (26), i had already had 4 children...your late grandpa and I were having a good time together. We were poor but everything was still nice. We knew we had four cute kids and we would do everything we could just to give them a better life. "
So, "you have to settle down. It's time. "
Then my mom. "when I was 26 I had your older sister and was having a risky marriage with your dad. Life was hard and I was always hoping that I had met somebody else and not him but I was glad that he gave me you two."
Then it's my grandma again. "Don't wait until you're 35 to have kids! It's too late and it would be really tiring for you, and good men among your age are going to extinct before you're 30! "
Yes it's me. 26, going to finish my degree, jobless, loveless(single), no dates, no kids.
Most of my friends have bf and few of them are going to marry soon. I constantly see their couple update on social media and doubt whether I will be able to find someone I really love in my life(I only had one bf for six years, in the end I found I didn't really love him because I didn't know what love is). I know it sounds ridiculous, but it's true. I feel like I've never really loved anyone in my life (I'm talking about love between men and women) I'm always too careful and rational and don't know how to interact with guys properly. If I liked the guy, I would behave awkwardly around him. I say and do and write stupid things! Also I'm too conservative. Never had ONS nor FWB and never want to have them. I have no interest in sex. I do want to find the one, I do want to have my own family but it seems so hard.
Too many nonsenses. Like the title of this post, I would like to ask everyone, what are/were you doing in your mid 20? What kind of relationship and mindset do/did you have?
Thank you!
Ps I believe many people have watched this " why 30 is not the new 20" video, I watched it when I was 23 and now the conversation today just reminded me of it...
It doesn't matter what I was doing when I was 26. Don't live your life on other people's timelines.
Keep in mind, your grandmother and mother were getting married and having babies in a different era.
The part that I bolded stuck out to me. I understand being conservative and even wanting to wait until you find the one, but I wonder if there are other issues going on since you claim to have no interest in sex. Even the conservative have an interest.
Um ... this ^^^ could be problematic. But we can talk about that later.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lostlincoln
Too many nonsenses.
Yep.
It doesn't matter what all of us were doing in our 20s because you aren't living our lives.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
PLEASE stop looking around at what other people are doing. You will worry yourself into misery by doing that.
You obviously have your own goals and your own ideas about what kind of life you want. You are allowed to do that. Live YOUR life.
My advice, and I mean this, is:
1) Stop looking at social media so much until you are at a place mentally where you can stop being bothered by the happiness of others. Their being married has NO bearing on your life unless you let it.
2) Next time Mom and Grandma start telling you what to do, take a breath and say, very nicely, "I appreciate it. That worked for you, but I have to live my own life." Then change the subject.
If they keep on, just say, "I really don't want to talk about this, and I would love it if y'all would just let me figure it out for myself." Walk away if you have to.
It's ok to be who you are. Not enough 20-somethings know that.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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I had three long term relationships in my 20s, one I lived with for a couple of years. Learned a lot.
Mid 40s yo me would say, those 2 year relationships should have been 2 months.
No interest in sex may mean you're asexual too, which is uncommon, but it happens, and if that's the case you're not going to be happy going the traditional route.
I'm in a similar boat. Perpetually single (not complaining), with family and friends all in the business. Your mother and grandmother were living in a different time period, things have changed. BIG TIME. So not to say they don't know what they're talking about, but honestly, they don't.
It's not that serious. What other people do/say doesn't matter. They can't live your life for you. However, I will say if you want to get into a relationship, you may want to address why you have no interest in sex. A lot of people aren't going to be cool with that. Just being honest here.
Live your life the way you see fit. I don't think you're harming anyone by being true to yourself. Stop comparing yourself to others on Social Media, it'll only drive you nuts.
Mid 20s I was engaged and definitely having a lot of sex. But that's me. All my friends were doing different things. At that age, lifestyles span a HUGE range of diversity, from students to parents to young professionals to traveling vagabonds to basement-dwelling failure to launch types.
Were you interested in sex when you had a bf? If not, I would check into that.
My parents married at age 19, built a house at age 20 at the same time had my sister and then me and lived happily ever after.
Times have changed.
Also, it depends on the region. When I lived in VA from 2006-2010 I noticed a lot of people married in their early 20s (and often times divorced a few years later). That was the norm. Here in Cali, lots of people are single or have a partner for many years but don't marry.
I had a stable bf for 8 years in my 20s but partied my a$$ off (with him). My mindset was "I don't care about anything."
Stop pressuring yourself, and stop allowing others to pressure you. You're caving in to grannie, really? Grannie, who had 4 kids at your age, in whatever her era and socio-economic niche was? What does that have to do with you, in 2018, working on an advanced degree?
OP, it's not unusual for grad students to be single and not be in a relationship. Have the fortitude to believe in yourself, and what's right for you. Didn't we advise you on a recent thread to tune your family members out, and to minimize contact, if they keep harassing you?
I suggest that when you do start looking for a job (I hope you're getting internships, while you're in school), to look far away from your family.
I guess I am too used to being pressured, and I usually think too much. yes comparing myself to my grandma is silly...and her friends (our neighbors) always ask me why you want to continue studying, whyyy? and you left your family behind! etc. But thank you. I will be more positive!
Yes I will try to find something in Europe and stay here. I don't want to go back. I had worked for two years but if we're not from EU we need to find a "graduate internship" first (strange, i know)
In my mid-20's I was trying to get laid, and doing okay at it, but not nearly as well as I did in my late 20's through mid 30's. I honestly can't imagine if I had settled down with any of the women I dated in my mid-20's-- not without cringing, anyway. Chill. You're not on a timeline, especially if you're not even interested in sex.
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But we can talk about that later.
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