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Jack asks five girls for a date and they all turn him down. His friend Frank asks 50 before one says yes. Jack asks Frank,"Whats your secret to success with women?"
No. It only serves to scream one's desperation to a multitude of women.
So much wrong in this assessment, I'm not sure I can dissect this without a long-winded post. There is a huge difference between pursuit/drive and desperation.
This is not the first time you've made this claim of desperation and if I recall correctly, you are an admitted late 40's guy that's a virgin/never been in a relationship. So I guess I understand why you see things this way.
There is nothing desperate about going for what you want and even if you do consider it desperation, this is not a bad thing or a negative at all. A guy who is unsuccessful in getting dates should not be labeled desperate for TRYING to improve himself and TRYING to actively seek dates. Desperation to me would be if the guy started asking out EVERY woman who came along his path, no matter what they looked like, no matter what they were like. Or perhaps even seeking out prostitutes, that seems more desperate than a guy chatting up a multitude of women to try and get dates. I call this persistence and drive, not desperation.
Hate to make this comparison, but I had a garbage job for years and years. Now I actually have the job that I want, but it took A LOT of active pursuit on my part. Being in a music scene, I know a lot of guys that had to make phone call after phone call. Send email after email to get the positions they wanted to, in the bands they wanted to. Do I consider them desperate? I'd only consider them desperate if they did something that went against their morals or ideals in their pursuits. Or if they took a position in any band, like in a style of music they weren't passionate about, nor didn't care about at all. It's so petty to make accusations of desperation because someone goes for what they want. So basically you think people should accept mediocrity in their lives? Whether it's a mediocre or non-existent lovelife/dating life or otherwise? Once again, persistence and drive, not desperation. This is a warped way of thinking.
The issue I have with this notion and much of the PUA thinking, is the concept that (so long as she's attractive) a woman is a woman, and any willing woman is as good as another, the important thing is just GETTING one. I do comprehend that for men challenged in that department, this would appeal to the wiring of "set a goal, work toward it, accomplish it, and only then consider what comes next" but...
Well we had a great illustration in this thread right here:
Which could best be summed up as: "She's hot and the sex is great, so she'd be perfect for me if she were not also a completely insane, abusive, lying, cheating monster who makes my life hell and brings out the worst in me and was likely only using me to do her college coursework for her and sponsor her bid for citizenship."
Jack asks five girls for a date and they all turn him down. His friend Frank asks 50 before one says yes. Jack asks Frank,"Whats your secret to success with women?"
I've heard this several times from real-life people commenting on how a buddy always had dates for college events. "What's your secret? How do you do it?" And the buddy invariably says that he asks a ton of women out, to get to the one who says "yes". That approach has been recommended here plenty of times, but some guys can't handle the first 10 or 20 (or 40) rejections.
The issue I have with this notion and much of the PUA thinking, is the concept that (so long as she's attractive) a woman is a woman, and any willing woman is as good as another, the important thing is just GETTING one. I do comprehend that for men challenged in that department, this would appeal to the wiring of "set a goal, work toward it, accomplish it, and only then consider what comes next" but...
Well we had a great illustration in this thread right here:
Which could best be summed up as: "She's hot and the sex is great, so she'd be perfect for me if she were not also a completely insane, abusive, lying, cheating monster who makes my life hell and brings out the worst in me and was likely only using me to do her college coursework for her and sponsor her bid for citizenship."
But hey. She's hot tho.
Well, people do have to get to Square One somehow. The important thing to realize seems to be that Square One isn't the be-all-end-all. After Square One, there are squares 2, 3, 4 and 5, as you get to know the person, and decide whether or not they're compatible. You may decide after Square 2 that you need to move on to another checkerboard, and start over.
Well, people do have to get to Square One somehow. The important thing to realize seems to be that Square One isn't the be-all-end-all. After Square One, there are squares 2, 3, 4 and 5, as you get to know the person, and decide whether or not they're compatible. You may decide after Square 2 that you need to move on to another checkerboard, and start over.
Yes.
Guess, too, the issue with the over-obsession of Square One, that I have, is when a man brings a bad attitude into Square Two and poisons it. And he wasn't even thinking that he might actually have to put any effort into Square Two, he just figured it'd all work out if he could just get Square One.
Thing is, women can often TELL when a guy is blind to all possible squares past One, and clueless about what Two+ should optimally look like, and so the wise, well adjusted woman will not let him anywhere near her checkerboard. And he ends up basically running a con game, to try and trick a woman into letting him set foot on her square...which means that even if he captures Square One, disaster isn't far off.
It's one of the reasons I hold my dude in such high respect. If anything, he's spent a lifetime thinking very deeply about what happens, potentially, on Square Two. And while his life experience isn't something most people would envy, being alone until rather late in the game, at least now that he's playing, he's playing to win.
The problem with asking so many women out on a date is that there's a certain threshold. After a certain number of approaches and introductions, it would start to feel regurgitated and canned. And I would think women are great at picking up on these kinds of things. Also factor in the amount of mental energy it takes to come up with creative and personalized approaches as topics for conversations. Best to set a budget and have a recharging period.
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