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Gay guy here talking about my gay group of friends.
Yesterday, I met my friend's boyfriend for the first time. It was a group of 5 of us. On several occasions I saw my friend's boyfriend staring at me, kind of giving me that "look". I tried not to overthink it and ignored it.
However, as dinner went on, I noticed my friend was really into this guy but the guy seemed just meh into him. You could see the imbalance right away. Usually my gut is right and I could see that this new guy was not as into my friend all THAT much. My friend was googly eyed over him. Now this is what I want to ask to see if I am overanalyzing.
We had ordered pitchers of margaritas at the table. My friend's boyfriend, took it upon himself to pour everyone's glasses. Strangely, I was sitting the furthest away from him and he made sure that each time he was ready to pour everyone's glass he poured mine first and my friend (his boyfriend) was last.
I thought it was odd behavior. If I were interested in someone and we were dating I would always make sure to pour them first, then the friends. But every single time, he was last (and again I was first).
Then when we left my friend's boyfriend would give me that "look" which started to make me uncomfortable.
I don't want to say anything, as there really isn't much to say to my friend, but I definitely want to keep an eye on this guy, not sure how I feel about him.
Also one last thing that happened a few months ago. They had been dating for about a month and my friend bumped into him at a gay bar on a date with someone else. My friend's heart was broken because he thought they were just more than "dating". But this guy was not looking to commit. Not sure what happened between now and then, but looks like they are more committed to each other now. I remember telling my friend back then though, that if this guy was really into him, he would hit the pause button on going on dates with others, to pursue my friend. That alone tells me that from the get go he hasn't been THAT interested in my friend.
We had ordered pitchers of margaritas at the table. My friend's boyfriend, took it upon himself to pour everyone's glasses. Strangely, I was sitting the furthest away from him and he made sure that each time he was ready to pour everyone's glass he poured mine first and my friend (his boyfriend) was last.
Overthinking?
Yes
Quote:
Then when we left my friend's boyfriend would give me that "look" which started to make me uncomfortable.
First, if he's willing to keep looking while he is "with" your friend, he will do the same thing to you if you are interested. Your friend likely does see what he's up to and doesn't care.
As far as the drink pouring--if my husband and I are out with a group of people I consider us as "one." "Guests" are served first from the communal pitcher of drinks--not the host. I understand it was a friend outing without a formal host, but the same spirit of manners applies. He was acting as the host and filled his co-hosts glass last. Good manners--nothing more.
I also always start with the person sitting farthest because it involves reaching across others. I don't want to pour the closest person's drink and then risk bumping it or spilling it over while reaching across to the farthest person. Then one naturally comes back to their own spot to put down the pitcher of drinks safely. I worked as a server for many years. You always start refilling drinks with the person farthest away.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,981,862 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rrah
As far as the drink pouring--if my husband and I are out with a group of people I consider us as "one." "Guests" are served first from the communal pitcher of drinks--not the host. I understand it was a friend outing without a formal host, but the same spirit of manners applies. He was acting as the host and filled his co-hosts glass last. Good manners--nothing more.
First, if he's willing to keep looking while he is "with" your friend, he will do the same thing to you if you are interested. Your friend likely does see what he's up to and doesn't care.
As far as the drink pouring--if my husband and I are out with a group of people I consider us as "one." "Guests" are served first from the communal pitcher of drinks--not the host. I understand it was a friend outing without a formal host, but the same spirit of manners applies. He was acting as the host and filled his co-hosts glass last. Good manners--nothing more.
I also always start with the person sitting farthest because it involves reaching across others. I don't want to pour the closest person's drink and then risk bumping it or spilling it over while reaching across to the farthest person. Then one naturally comes back to their own spot to put down the pitcher of drinks safely. I worked as a server for many years. You always start refilling drinks with the person farthest away.
I’m not interested him at all and I would never do that to my friend anyway.
Good to know on the drink pouring. Perhaps I’m not used to seeing people normally do that.
I think you were reading into stuff because you had already assumed he was into you.
If you are really, really attractive, which you have said you are, you should be used to people staring at you. It happens, and some people are just not good at controlling it. It very rarely actually means they are going to make a move on you.
Would he hit it, under the right circumstances? Sure. Is he going to blow up whatever he has with your friend to pursue you? Probably not.
I know that gay men have to sometimes read into situations and assign meaning to otherwise meaningless gestures, but I think this is probably just a case of a person admiring a pretty view.
Gay guy here talking about my gay group of friends.
Yesterday, I met my friend's boyfriend for the first time. It was a group of 5 of us. On several occasions I saw my friend's boyfriend staring at me, kind of giving me that "look". I tried not to overthink it and ignored it.
However, as dinner went on, I noticed my friend was really into this guy but the guy seemed just meh into him. You could see the imbalance right away. Usually my gut is right and I could see that this new guy was not as into my friend all THAT much. My friend was googly eyed over him. Now this is what I want to ask to see if I am overanalyzing.
We had ordered pitchers of margaritas at the table. My friend's boyfriend, took it upon himself to pour everyone's glasses. Strangely, I was sitting the furthest away from him and he made sure that each time he was ready to pour everyone's glass he poured mine first and my friend (his boyfriend) was last.
I thought it was odd behavior. If I were interested in someone and we were dating I would always make sure to pour them first, then the friends. But every single time, he was last (and again I was first).
Then when we left my friend's boyfriend would give me that "look" which started to make me uncomfortable.
I don't want to say anything, as there really isn't much to say to my friend, but I definitely want to keep an eye on this guy, not sure how I feel about him.
Also one last thing that happened a few months ago. They had been dating for about a month and my friend bumped into him at a gay bar on a date with someone else. My friend's heart was broken because he thought they were just more than "dating". But this guy was not looking to commit. Not sure what happened between now and then, but looks like they are more committed to each other now. I remember telling my friend back then though, that if this guy was really into him, he would hit the pause button on going on dates with others, to pursue my friend. That alone tells me that from the get go he hasn't been THAT interested in my friend.
Overthinking?
Doesn't matter, maybe he is interested in you, maybe not. Do not say anything to your friend (what would you say anyway?) and be a good friend (don't date his bf).
I may be way off the mark here...but by the way you itemize things, OP, I almost wonder whether you're hoping these are all signs. You have kept track of such specific things.
I would stay far away. If they're going to break up they are, but even then it might be weird for you to take up with him.
I wouldn't think twice about signs, would continue as normal and however their relationship plays out is how it plays out.
I think your instincts are right regarding this guy's "fidelity potential" let's call it, toward your friend. If your friend ever asks for advice or an opinion, IMO you should venture a diplomatically-worded opinion. You don't want your friend's heart broken (any more than it has to be, considering he's "google-eyed" already), right? And he already had that one experience, which should have been cautionary. In any case, there is a slim precedent on which you can fill out the rest of your opinion. ("Remember that time...? Well, I did not get good vibes at that gathering a few months later, either...")
Gay guy here talking about my gay group of friends.
Yesterday, I met my friend's boyfriend for the first time. It was a group of 5 of us. On several occasions I saw my friend's boyfriend staring at me, kind of giving me that "look". I tried not to overthink it and ignored it.
However, as dinner went on, I noticed my friend was really into this guy but the guy seemed just meh into him. You could see the imbalance right away. Usually my gut is right and I could see that this new guy was not as into my friend all THAT much. My friend was googly eyed over him. Now this is what I want to ask to see if I am overanalyzing.
We had ordered pitchers of margaritas at the table. My friend's boyfriend, took it upon himself to pour everyone's glasses. Strangely, I was sitting the furthest away from him and he made sure that each time he was ready to pour everyone's glass he poured mine first and my friend (his boyfriend) was last.
I thought it was odd behavior. If I were interested in someone and we were dating I would always make sure to pour them first, then the friends. But every single time, he was last (and again I was first).
Then when we left my friend's boyfriend would give me that "look" which started to make me uncomfortable.
I don't want to say anything, as there really isn't much to say to my friend, but I definitely want to keep an eye on this guy, not sure how I feel about him.
Also one last thing that happened a few months ago. They had been dating for about a month and my friend bumped into him at a gay bar on a date with someone else. My friend's heart was broken because he thought they were just more than "dating". But this guy was not looking to commit. Not sure what happened between now and then, but looks like they are more committed to each other now. I remember telling my friend back then though, that if this guy was really into him, he would hit the pause button on going on dates with others, to pursue my friend. That alone tells me that from the get go he hasn't been THAT interested in my friend.
Overthinking?
OK, reality-check time. I see I read the bolded completely differently from the others, here. OP, are you interested in that fidelity-challenged guy? Or do you mean you want to keep an eye on him, on your friend's behalf, as in--looking out for your friend, to perhaps warn him at some point?
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