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Neither (for us). We greatly enjoy our time together, and want as much as possible. Of course, we do have some separate interests and friends, so we're not joined at the hip. We don't like it when one of us needs to travel for more than a couple of days, and if one of us did have to travel extensively, our relationship probably wouldn't work - we'd want a different partner who would be able to be present.
It’s good to have a balance as long as it works for both individuals. Not everyone has the same needs, but I bet couples who are a close match in this area of their lives are happier for it.
I don't know that I'd say that familiarity breeds contempt. But I do feel like time apart is healthy. I guess it's a matter of recognizing and respecting the needs of the two individuals who make up a partnership. Even though I think I'm quite an extrovert, I still enjoy some time alone. I like to read, do a jigsaw puzzle, play a quick round of a computer game I like. That me time...it is valuable. And my partner and I don't share all of the same interests. I couldn't imagine dragging him to one of my concerts I like, and he enjoys certain conventions I find exhausting.
But I love coming back together after being apart. Sharing stories and such.
What I see is that when one spouse dies and the two have been so "tight" the other one falls apart.
It IS something you need to be aware of because it does happen.
But my experience was different with my late husband, we were tight and he died unexpectedly but I had friends and family, and I was young.
My grandparents went through that. My grandfather died six months after my grandmother passed.
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from each other. Mine was a shorter marriage and he was around all the time and I was stay at home mom...
My sister and her husband were in a pretty good marriage for over 40 yrs when she passed last year from battle with MS. She always said, their marriage "made it" as she traveled so much in her profession. He worked in some jobs but for a lot of the years was at home taking care of things while sis traveled and was the major breadwinner.
When they vacationed, it was together.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder??? OR
Familiarity Breeds Contempt.
I'm part of a military community. My husband and I are not separated nearly as much as some, due to specifics of his job, but many of our peers and his colleagues face numerous long separations.
Some in this world do better with the separations than others, but overall, I would say they are more often a challenge to relationships than a boon to relationships.
I have my own interests. For example, sailing and writers conferences. So every year or so, I'll either go sailing or go to a conference. Or she will go to the beach with her friends.
Time together vs apart depends on the couple and their relationship with each other. There is no"rule" here.
My wife and I tend to spend a lot of time together and enjoy doing so. We are best friends and simply enjoy each other's company a lot. We do things on our own too, but there is certainly no need to spend "significant" or extended time away from each other to "strengthen" our relationship.
For some people, however, it could be the complete opposite and having consistent apart time is integral to the maintenance and growth of the relationship (when together)
John and I only saw each other eight days a month when we were working on different shifts. That went on for years and I had major concerns about seeing each other 24/7 when I retired. Those fears were unfounded. We went through a great honeymoon period when I retired two years after he did. It was like were were newlyweds again. Fast forward almost three years later since I retired and it's still a joy. Yes, we fight once in awhile, but the laughter exceeds the bad times ten to one.
Familiarity doesn't breed contempt. It breeds fear because one of us will be alone some day and it will be the flip side of the it was the best thing that ever happened to me coin. I dread those days. I just hope I go first. That's very selfish of me, I know.
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