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Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 8 days ago)
35,633 posts, read 17,968,125 times
Reputation: 50660
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OP, I really think you're making too much of this.
Sounds like, to me, he doesn't really stock coffee and he mentioned you might want to bring coffee.
Otherwise, he'd have to make a special trip to the store to buy coffee he doesn't want.
He sounds quite generous to me, actually, and it's a little off that you didn't bring coffee and toothpaste in the first place, as well as some other stuff to stock like maybe snacks to share.
Sounds like he's a keeper to me.
If I were you, I'd move forward by going to the grocery store and buying ingredients for a really nice home cooked meal, and a nice bottle of wine, and say thank you for letting me stay here when I needed a place.
That's what a girlfriend does, in my world. Just be sweet. And don't count pennies that you have to spend on your own coffee.
-He pays for a majority of your dates
-You called him cheap, not the other way around
-He's letting you stay at his place and move some of your stuff in
-You're upset that he joked about a cup of coffee.
OP, option 3 is your only option. I mean, in option 1, again, you're calling him cheap, even! Just talk about it. But you would really dump a guy over things that you're making up in your own mind about him that he's not even doing?
Also, seems like you're very hung-up on his money. If things are going that well, he has a steady income, why is this an issue? The post above that highlighted all the times you mentioned his money and what he pays for speaks volumes. I mean, one of your paragraphs states that you offer to pay when things get too pricey, but...then in the next few sentences, you say "So when he wants me to pay, it makes me feel unworthy and unloved."? That's just odd. He's literally letting you stay at his place and is not even hesitating letting you stay. How is that unloved and unworthy?
The fact that you'd consider breaking up with a really good guy over a cup of coffee is kinda sad, OP. Don't be that girl.
Sounds like you guys have a good thing going and you want to ruin it over some coffee? Maybe he didn't have any coffee in the house and didn't feel like going to get it. Stop overthinking it.
If he's extending his home to you for a week I don't think it is an unreasonable request. Why not bring some home as a courtesy? I think you're looking too much into it and you guys should communicate about it before you make a mountain out of a molehill - especially since you're still in the honeymoon phase.
Yeah, OP, I think you're missing the bigger picture. He's been generous in letting you live at his place, when your extenuating circumstances made that necessary. Do you not get that guests normally bring a "host/hostess" gift? They make a small contribution to the household, as a gesture. You may think you're not a guest, because you two are a couple, or something. But still, in our culture, and many ethnic sub-cultures in the West as well, reciprocity is a key value and practice.
I assume he didn't make his request in a snide tone, or anything. I'm struggling to understand how you could find anything objectionable about what seems like an innocent, perfectly reasonable, and not at all costly request. Are you not grateful for the hospitality he extended to you, in your hour (or week) of need? Do you object to perhaps being expected to provide an expression, however small, of that gratitude?
Sounds like you guys have a good thing going and you want to ruin it over some coffee? Maybe he didn't have any coffee in the house and didn't feel like going to get it. Stop overthinking it.
They got into a fight over coffee and left it unresolved. It takes 2 to tango.
You're drinking most of the coffee, especially when you stayed an entire week so it makes sense that you bring some (yes, BUY some).
Does he ever come to YOUR place? Do you cook him meals with food you have purchased? Does he use any of "your" stuff on a regular basis? If no, then your relationship is quite unequal and buying coffee is a small step toward equalizing it.
At what point would you consider it okay to start contributing to the household? If you move in together? If you can't get past coffee I can only imagine the issues relating to groceries, cooking, utilities, and cleaning! Better to start thinking about all that now.
I agree with Sassybluesy. That said, the guy seems to be passive-aggressive. And that could be a problem down the road.
Oh...I don't know. This was all happening over text, right? He suggests she picks up coffee, and she calls him cheap with smiley faces.
I think she was the one being passive aggressive, personally.
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