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I'm a 33 yo guy and I've never had the slightest interest in a serious official relationship. Living with someone is also totally out of the question. Having witnessed the chaotic breakdown of my parent's marriage, I certainly want to stay away from anything that resembles that. My mother is still suffering the consequences and it's been almost 10 years.
However, I'm feeling a huge urge to have children. I love being around my nephews and my friends' kids and the desire to have one of my own keeps getting bigger. I thought only women got this.
I don't mean I would like to have a child just for myself. I love my mother and would never deprive a child of having a mother in his/her life as well. I just don't fancy the idea of having a relationship with the mother.
I'm a 33 yo guy and I've never had the slightest interest in a serious official relationship. Living with someone is also totally out of the question. Having witnessed the chaotic breakdown of my parent's marriage, I certainly want to stay away from anything that resembles that. My mother is still suffering the consequences and it's been almost 10 years.
However, I'm feeling a huge urge to have children. I love being around my nephews and my friends' kids and the desire to have one of my own keeps getting bigger. I thought only women got this.
I don't mean I would like to have a child just for myself. I love my mother and would never deprive a child of having a mother in his/her life as well. I just don't fancy the idea of having a relationship with the mother.
Not easy to get around this.
Try volunteering for Big Brothers Big Sisters of America and see if that satisfies your cravings.
I'm a 33 yo guy and I've never had the slightest interest in a serious official relationship. Living with someone is also totally out of the question. Having witnessed the chaotic breakdown of my parent's marriage, I certainly want to stay away from anything that resembles that. My mother is still suffering the consequences and it's been almost 10 years.
However, I'm feeling a huge urge to have children. I love being around my nephews and my friends' kids and the desire to have one of my own keeps getting bigger. I thought only women got this.
I don't mean I would like to have a child just for myself. I love my mother and would never deprive a child of having a mother in his/her life as well. I just don't fancy the idea of having a relationship with the mother.
Not easy to get around this.
I know a couple of people who have a child without being in a dedicated relationship with the other parent.
One woman "chose" from among her male friends. They don't live together but are both very involved with their daughter. The daughter has her name and knows her father.
A co-worker of mine was chosen to father a child for a lesbian couple. They are all involved with raising the boy. He has their name but will always know his father.
I'm a 33 yo guy and I've never had the slightest interest in a serious official relationship. Living with someone is also totally out of the question. Having witnessed the chaotic breakdown of my parent's marriage, I certainly want to stay away from anything that resembles that. My mother is still suffering the consequences and it's been almost 10 years.
However, I'm feeling a huge urge to have children. I love being around my nephews and my friends' kids and the desire to have one of my own keeps getting bigger. I thought only women got this.
I don't mean I would like to have a child just for myself. I love my mother and would never deprive a child of having a mother in his/her life as well. I just don't fancy the idea of having a relationship with the mother.
Not easy to get around this.
In my opinion, it’s not ok to have a kid just because you want a kid, especially when you know that you have no interest in living with or being married to the child’s mother. Don’t you think a child would prefer and benefit from having a father who could stand being married and committed to his/her mother?
You don't want a serious relationship???? There is no relationship more serious than your relationship with your child.
If you don't want a partner, adopt a child to raise by yourself. There are older children available for adoption. Your chances of getting a baby are less than zero, but, hey, there is an advantage to skipping the diaper stage.
When we look at the divorce rate as well as the rate of single parents; I'd say that our OP is only guilty of being honest with himself. Honesty is a good thing.
On the other hand, my wife was the main reason why I wanted to have a child with her. When you love yourself and you love your partner, that's the healthiest environment in which to reproduce. Any one who isn't seeking THAT as their first option probably isn't considering the best interests of their child (which is not a good parental trait).
If there are health issues (or even non health issues) that stand in the way of natural reproduction, then adoption is a beautiful and selfless option of parental love. However, even with adoption a "mom and dad" are often preferred. Heck, a gay or lesbian couple are often seen as "stronger" than a single adoption parent. When raising a child, there's certainly an advantage to being a couple.
Here's my advice to the OP. You're a man so (unlike a woman) you don't have an expiration date. Wait until you're ready to get married and have a family. This might happen when you're 40 or 50; who knows. When it does happen, just make sure that your wife is young enough and healthy enough to carry.
When we look at the divorce rate as well as the rate of single parents; I'd say that our OP is only guilty of being honest with himself. Honesty is a good thing.
The reproduction question isn't the issue.
His family of origin problems are why he needs therapy. He won't be a good dad till he addresses all that.
His family of origin problems are why he needs therapy. He won't be a good dad till he addresses all that.
True, counseling could help in this situation, but it isn't free. 33 is still fairly young; our OP could have a totally different perspective on things when he's 36. When the OP finds that potential mother, his past could be apart of his premarital counseling. In my opinion, the OP should simply wait 2-3 years and then see how he feels before proceeding. Many 33 year old males today aren't ready for marriage and a family for various reasons.
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