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I'm reading your post, and as I go along I'm starting to be concerned about the age of this "boy".
Even though he is 19-years old, from your description, I feel like this "boy" is developmentally delayed or has some social anxieties that prevent him from having the social life and experiences of a typical 19-year old man. I'm actually grossed out that you are considering having a sexual relationship with this man/boy who essentially sounds like a child still. You even refer to him as a "boy" throughout your entire post - not once did you call him a man.
I also think a real possibility is that this man/boy will develop a strong attachment to you, and he will end up needing therapy as a result. I think there is real potential here to cause emotional and mental damage to this boy. OP - I urge you not to propose a sexual relationship with this particular person.
Maybe try changing the way you are searching. Someone looking for a BF/GF relationship is likely looking for an emotional attachment that may lead to something more serious, a more traditional relationship, if you will. I'm certain there are men out there who would be happy to accommodate no strings attached sex. Don't look for a BF, look for an FB.
Agreed. I know you are very sexually frustrated, but I promise you, if you do this-you will reach a new level of self-loathing. And your husband is an idiot. Instead of trying to relight the fire, he is manipulating a young, challenged boy to have sex with you!
You picked a winner.
Regardless of your bad picker, I'm glad you posted. At least you are getting some solid, ethical advice. You husband's inability to lead your marriage is very troublesome. I don't feel like he is looking our for you best interests at all. He is allowing your relationship to be compromised to a dangerous degree.
Last edited by saltwater_gypsy; 05-22-2018 at 04:39 PM..
Married 14 years, no kids, he's 11 years older. He's a lovely guy, really funny and a brilliant sense of humour and a fantastic husband in every way but one. He's always had a lower sex drive than me but we got by. Then he got early stage prostate cancer but after a couple of years he got the all clear. The treatment side effect was impotency, even before he had a bit of ED, now it's lifeless. The problem is that he eats and drinks too much, more since the scare because he used to smoke but stopped. We've tried Viagra to no effect. The doctor won't take his symptoms seriously until he quits the drink, eats healthy and loses a serious amount of weight.
He and I have talked endlessly about it. He's used , but to me all that's foreplay. It's having a starter, very nice - but no main course! There's no tenderness or intimacy and after a few times it leaves you feeling a bit flat.
Last year I gave him an ultimatum, quit the drink and lose weight, or I find a boyfriend. That had the desired effect and he did his best, went to weight watchers but a month later I found a secret stash of cans, we had a massive row and so I made him weigh himself in front of me and he'd actually put on 1 1/2 stone (21 pounds)!!
I was really angry and he was really upset. In the end he agreed I could get a bf so long as I promised that I would ditch the bf if I started developing any feelings, and that I'd never ever leave hubby.
I went on apps and dating sites and from them I went on about 5 dates and each one was a total disaster. OK I'm not Liz Hurley but I used to think I was at least average but it seems that any decent guy didn't want to know when I said I was married. I wasn't prepared to lie to either my hub or prospective bf and I'm not prepared to do it with a total weirdo out of desperation. But obviously this left me feeling even more frustrated, ego dented and I suppose snappy towards hubby. Anyway I've tried my best to put it all to the back of my mind and get on with other things such as work, gym, friends.
Over the last few weeks there's a boy that's been coming round for his dinner a couple of nights a week, and he stays for an hour or so and plays with the dog and chats with us. He's really sweet, he lives a bit further down the same road as us. He's got learning difficulties, he used to play with the local children but for some reason they've stopped playing with him so he tends to just hang around at home on XBox, watching TV or sat in his garden just watching the world go by. I think hub felt sorry for him so he invited him round which is very nice of him.
Well last night, after he'd gone home hub and I were chatting and he said to me, 'Would I like this boy to be my bf?' Shocked isn't the word. I went deep red with embarrassment. He explained that he must be really lonely, he only speaks to his mum and us and also that he'll have a sex drive just like any other 19 year old but no outlet, so he was sure he'd really like to be my bf. Hub went on to say he'd be more comfortable because there'd be no danger of me leaving him for this boy, so that would suit all three of us.
My head was all over the place. He's 19 so I'm double his age. Would I be exploiting him? Would I want to? Well I didn't sleep much last night, and I suppose I admit imagining what it'd be like. Hubby thinks it's a no brainer. I really don't know, part of me says yes, part thinks - bad idea! I'm all over the place - help!!
Also, there's a concept called ethical non monogamy. Your husband has issues way beyond his ED and you might both be better off away from each other, but the part I bolded is pretty coercive.
Over the last few weeks there's a boy that's been coming round for his dinner a couple of nights a week, and he stays for an hour or so and plays with the dog and chats with us. He's really sweet, he lives a bit further down the same road as us. He's got learning difficulties, he used to play with the local children but for some reason they've stopped playing with him so he tends to just hang around at home on XBox, watching TV or sat in his garden just watching the world go by. I think hub felt sorry for him so he invited him round which is very nice of him.
My head was all over the place. He's 19 so I'm double his age. Would I be exploiting him? Would I want to? Well I didn't sleep much last night, and I suppose I admit imagining what it'd be like. Hubby thinks it's a no brainer. I really don't know, part of me says yes, part thinks - bad idea! I'm all over the place - help!!
Seriously? You need to ask. "He use to play with the local children but for some reason they've stopped playing with him." You really need to think this one through? There's nothing complicated. Abusing a disabled person is not complicated, it's criminal.
You married the man and he can't satisfy you. Either take your vows seriously and work through your problems or divorce the guy and start dating grown men. Don't take advantage of a disabled teen. It's disgusting!
The words should have gone in one ear and out the other. No one ordered this grown woman to even consider this. Yet we have a long post asking for advice on how to proceed.
This lady is not a victim of a "poor choice". No responsible person would have even entertained the idea in the first place.
Also, there's a concept called ethical non monogamy. Your husband has issues way beyond his ED and you might both be better off away from each other, but the part I bolded is pretty coercive.
I would have told her that maybe we shouldn’t be together at all anymore if she gave me that ultimatum and threatened to “find a boyfriend”.
Have things changed so much that you cant just buy a box of condoms and go pick some guy up at a bar?
Right? Or there are dating sites specifically for married people who want some 'discrete' action on the side. OP doesn't have to be discrete for herself, just the dudes.
A mentally disabled teenager? Mod cut.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 05-23-2018 at 08:56 AM..
Reason: Off-topic.
Get a ***** (sex toy shaped like a male member) and let hubby use it on you.
(I cannot believe the stuff I write on this forum.)
Do NOT take advantage of the developmentally challenged "boy".
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