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I don't really know how to feel about this thread.
I do think some folks have been a little...harsh? I also do see how the OP's idea would seem over the top or intrusive to some. On the other hand? I know people who adhere to these kinds of protocols. A lot of people in the kink/poly scenes do something more or less like this. It's not bad when both people AGREE to it.
As to HIPAA, as RbccL I believe mentioned, I do think that one can consent to share one's medical info with another. That's the key, to share that information, you must consent. Lovehound has the right to say, "I will not consent to have sex with you, unless you consent to these extensive precautions, because I worry a lot about this kind of thing." A potential partner has the right to tell him to shove it, and move along to the next prospect on OLD. Everybody has all the freedom in the world to decide if this works for them or not.
And to be like, "Well you must not want it bad enough if you're going to make somebody jump through all these hoops, why so serious, why so worried man?" Wow, really? It's his health. Maybe it's more important to him than getting laid. Isn't that his right to feel that way?
I am really reminded about how most of the "vanilla" folks I met on OLD seemed to think we should just leap right into bed, and most of those guys didn't even want to use a condom. But I've seen people who are into poly and kink disclose STI status (positives) publicly, talk about it openly, do strict provisions for testing and protection. Poly folks especially seem to have really strong ethics about this. Because they are not just protecting their own health, in many cases, they are also guarding the health of any other partner(s) they might already have. There is a weight of obligation there.
Of course I think part of that, is a mentality where it's just easier and more comfortable to speak openly and frankly about sex, and less of your "normal folks" expectation of being judged or shunned.
Personally, if I were going about all this (and I do have my own protocols for testing, they're just different) Lovehound, in a situation like this, I would not do the going to the doctor together and getting the news together thing. I would instead have my partner, once they get their results, either show me the results on paper or if they prefer not to disclose, then to please break up with me then or "let's just be friends" or whatever. As I would not be proceeding to sex without the test results in hand, but respect if they find out bad news and don't want to share it...if we won't be having sex then, at any rate, they don't have to endure the act of sharing the details. Does that make sense?
Personally, the only STI I'm really highly concerned about is HIV. I am blessedly (and my god, luckily given my history) free of them all, but even the other incurables, I've known enough people who live with them, and have had frank conversations, and they don't really scare me. Sort of "I'd rather not, but I'd live."
But unlike some people here, I have known friends who were HIV positive. There was a young man in my high school who died of AIDS. We saw him become more and more incapacitated. He managed to actually finish and graduate and roll across the stage in a wheelchair, which was what he really wanted to accomplish, to make his Mom proud of him, and he passed on a few months later. This is not, in my opinion, some disease that only "certain kinds of people" get and that holds no risk for me or for "most normal people." The only good news there, is that they can sort of manage it better these days.
I find it interesting that you and Lovehound both have fake profile pictures.
I was wondering why the young lady was interested in defending his Testosterone level and defensive about Viagra. Seems like an odd time to jump in, at the end here, just as the OP has "left the room".
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL
Yeah, I was there, so I remember. Which is why I didn't find it necessary to become consumed with fret and worry. I haven't even heard anyone I know talk about it.
To each their own, right?
The things is, in early 80s people weren't absolutely sure. I recall my older brother lamenting going off to college in 84 that the AIDs crises pretty much shut down the hook up culture around that time. There was definitely a precipitous drop from the free sex 70s through the 80s.
It's one reason I laugh at the youngins here lamenting how slutty (etc) people are today and how chaste things used to be. Um, it's like they never heard of the free love era psych/hippies, or the coke fueled disco swinging eras of the late 70s. Heck, even the stories I hear told of 20 something rural Vermont hookup scene of the 70s would make a modern sailor blush.
Yeah, I was there, so I remember. Which is why I didn't find it necessary to become consumed with fret and worry. I haven't even heard anyone I know talk about it.
To each their own, right?
It kind of depends. People who did the serial monogamy style of relationship in the 80s and 90s who were white collar knew they were extremely low risk. If you were juggling a half dozen partners at any given time, you used condoms. I’ve never done the hookup thing. I kind of need to be emotionally connected to the woman I’m sleeping with. I’ve never dated anyone who didn’t have a degree and a career.
The topic of this thread is a medical issue, not a relationship issue. Consequently, the thread is now closed.
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