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Some men avoid the term "date" in the earlier stages, too. It's like they think the label "date" obligates them to finance someone's entertainment or meal., and that there will be expectations of exclusivity, or something. They feel like calling it a "date" will rope them into something they don't want to be roped into.
Oh yeah, I am sure it happens on both ends. I remember reading an article that gave me a chuckle. Something about, "If you're on a date, and you have to wonder if it's actually a date that you're on" lol
I think I remember sitcoms would tell their friends they are going out with a certain someone, and they would respond using the word "date" with their friends, and..they would correct them saying, "No, we're just going out for a show, dinner, dancing.." and the friend would be like, "Yeah... a date"
If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck...but people are too damned afraid to call it a duck!
I think it takes pressure off of both parties to be honest.
Otherwise, you feel like you're being evaluated in a tough interview, counting the number times you conjugated your verbs incorrectly, kicking yourself mentally for incorrectly recalling facts you know like the back of your hand while attempting to speak extemporaneously. But if you're just "with a friend" (mentally) you can relax a bit more.
That's how I see it. But I'm not an expert on these matters, I'm mostly here in the Relationship forum to listen and learn.
I have noticed that women around my age and younger have wildly different definitions of "date". Some see "date" or "dating" as the same thing as an exclusive committed relationship. Others see it as the get-to-know phase before exclusivity is declared.
This makes it tough, because if I use the word "date", they they could think I'm moving way too fast. And with the others - if I say "hang out", they think I'm not into them romantically. It's tough to navigate.
I have noticed that women around my age and younger have wildly different definitions of "date". Some see "date" or "dating" as the same thing as an exclusive committed relationship. Others see it as the get-to-know phase before exclusivity is declared.
This makes it tough, because if I use the word "date", they they could think I'm moving way too fast. And with the others - if I say "hang out", they think I'm not into them romantically. It's tough to navigate.
I live practically in NYC, and that's definitely not the case here lol. They see it here as the get-to-know phase before any exclusivity is declared.
I thought the point of dating was to get to know each other and to evaluate whether the person of interest is worth getting into a serious relationship with.
This exactly.
My current S/O and I went out as "friends first" when we first met. It took maybe 3 or 4 dates before we took it further; we were kind of encircling each other to determine if it could go further. In the old days, it was called "courting".
But after a few dates, if he's still interested, but she friend zones him, time to move on.
This exactly.
My current S/O and I went out as "friends first" when we first met. It took maybe 3 or 4 dates before we took it further; we were kind of encircling each other to determine if it could go further. In the old days, it was called "courting".
But after a few dates, if he's still interested, but she friend zones him, time to move on.
I wasn't too sure if current SO was really interested in me as a romantic partner at first. He had mentioned the possibility of just being platonic friends who shared a common interest in one of our early messages on OLD.
I was pretty relieved when he kissed me on the 3rd date to end that doubt
To date as mates, or as potential lovers? To meet at agreed times and places can be either. Girls tend to think relationship mode in relationship to a prolonged period of "times and places", if not from the outset, such, they tend to fairly soon stop meeting up with you as a friend should they not wish for a relationship, and they are apt to assume that this is what the guy really wants. Most men also tend to assuming the same of most females, but they are less apt to end it just because they wish to maintain it as friends. Personally, I find it very hard to get my head around why such a primitive state of thinking should even still exist. Younger individuals are far more this way inclined of perception, and should the male be significantly older than the female the more so.
Not to mention, if a woman dares insist on dinner/drinks as a first date, she's automatically a gold digger...
How about actually having a conversation about what you want in the early stages of dating, what makes you feel like it's a budding relationship, and what turns you off, instead of all these supposed rules and deal breakers and assumptions?
Nah... that would make too much sense and create too little drama.
Whoever told you that a woman suggesting dinner and drinks is a gold digger, quite frankly doesn't have a clue. I had a date this past weekend where she suggested dinner and drinks. We did dinner and drinks and I paid for both. I'm glad that the coffee date works for some, but I've had too many women tell me they were already guarded and hesitant, but chose the coffee route as an easier exit plan on a date they really didn't want to go on in the first place. I have women as friends and we've talked extensively about dating in one or another over the years. Most have mentioned to me that a coffee date is mostly for them to appease a friend who set them up, because they thought the guy "was a good guy", but they didn't have much attraction to the guy or the guy ended up turning them off during conversation.
From what they've told me. When they like a guy physically and through conversation, the last thing they want to do is coffee. They may not suggest dinner either, but they know coffee is out for them. Coffee dates is strictly for them to say thanks, but no thanks. Coffee dates just aren't all that successful. They haven't been successful for my female friends and they haven't been all that successful for me either.
I've had far more success either meeting up for an activity during the evening hours or dinner. We can either choose to have a drink afterwards or do an activity.
Whoever told you that a woman suggesting dinner and drinks is a gold digger, quite frankly doesn't have a clue. I had a date this past weekend where she suggested dinner and drinks. We did dinner and drinks and I paid for both. I'm glad that the coffee date works for some, but I've had too many women tell me they were already guarded and hesitant, but chose the coffee route as an easier exit plan on a date they really didn't want to go on in the first place. I have women as friends and we've talked extensively about dating in one or another over the years. Most have mentioned to me that a coffee date is mostly for them to appease a friend who set them up, because they thought the guy "was a good guy", but they didn't have much attraction to the guy or the guy ended up turning them off during conversation.
From what they've told me. When they like a guy physically and through conversation, the last thing they want to do is coffee. They may not suggest dinner either, but they know coffee is out for them. Coffee dates is strictly for them to say thanks, but no thanks. Coffee dates just aren't all that successful. They haven't been successful for my female friends and they haven't been all that successful for me either.
I've had far more success either meeting up for an activity during the evening hours or dinner. We can either choose to have a drink afterwards or do an activity.
Eh, I don't fully agree. One of my best first dates involved getting coffee (or in my case, a drink since I don't like coffee) first, and then a walk around the city.
Then again, this was with online dating, so dynamics might be different.
Whoever told you that a woman suggesting dinner and drinks is a gold digger, quite frankly doesn't have a clue. I had a date this past weekend where she suggested dinner and drinks. We did dinner and drinks and I paid for both. I'm glad that the coffee date works for some, but I've had too many women tell me they were already guarded and hesitant, but chose the coffee route as an easier exit plan on a date they really didn't want to go on in the first place. I have women as friends and we've talked extensively about dating in one or another over the years. Most have mentioned to me that a coffee date is mostly for them to appease a friend who set them up, because they thought the guy "was a good guy", but they didn't have much attraction to the guy or the guy ended up turning them off during conversation.
From what they've told me. When they like a guy physically and through conversation, the last thing they want to do is coffee. They may not suggest dinner either, but they know coffee is out for them. Coffee dates is strictly for them to say thanks, but no thanks. Coffee dates just aren't all that successful. They haven't been successful for my female friends and they haven't been all that successful for me either.
I've had far more success either meeting up for an activity during the evening hours or dinner. We can either choose to have a drink afterwards or do an activity.
Some women are simply risk-averse when it comes to meeting someone new, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Safety first!
I've gone the "coffee" route (or other "safe" daytime activity) with men I was VERY interested in.
But I play it safe and take things slowly.
I tend to be suspicious of men who immediately want to ply me with fine dining and alcohol. My experiences with "love-bombing" have not ended well.
So to each their own. Blanket rules fail to take into account the varying life experiences people bring to dating.
(I think I already mentioned my SO, met through OLD, was initially just a coffee date... those things can work out well.)
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