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If you were fit and pursued a physically active and healthy lifestyle would you be open to date someone who was significantly overweight and did not pursue a healthy lifestyle but you had compatibility in other areas, they were very intellectually stimulating and you really enjoyed their company?
In my experience those who lead an unhealthy lifestyle with significant weight are unprepared to take the drastic measures necessary to change the trajectory that they are on and sometimes convincing them that they need to change can often be seen as trying to control their freedom etc. and can cause relationship discord. So, perhaps it's best to let them be and only continue if you can accept that they will not change...agree or not?
Agree. As evidenced by many other threads here, trying to change someone, especially if they never initiated the healthy living discussion, is a non-starter. If you can't accept them long-term for the way they are now, find someone else to date, no matter the other compatabilities.
I don't have an issue with a little extra weight. I do have an issue with unhealthy living. I have a friend who works in construction, he works really physically hard. Is about 40lbs overweight which isn't that bad.
I have never seen him eat anything healthy. He eats at Dennys every morning. Lunch from the lunchtruck. Dinner is fast food. Either pizza or burgers. Same on weekends. When we go out to eat I can tell you what he orders: the most unhealthy dish on the menu, plus soda and dessert.
I have spent a significant amount of time with him so I know what he eats. I had a talk with him. He said he doesn't care. His parents are obese and have diabetes.
I could not date someone like that. It disgusts me to watch him eat.
There are guys who eat unhealthy because it is convenient and they need someone to help them eat better. And then there are those who just eat what looks tasty even if they get offered healthier options.
People are multi-faceted. Up to you to decide what is tolerable for you and what is not. The manner in which you lead this off and described this person was pretty critical; based on the way you described yourself this matters a lot. I think most people learn it's unrealistic to expect to change someone significantly. You can end up being resented for trying, and you can resent them for not becoming what you want.
Last edited by Parnassia; 06-22-2018 at 03:30 PM..
Probably not good to date someone you feel superior to. Maybe you can figure out why you think your way is the only way first. On a cosmic scale what dioes it matter if your here for 80 years and he only 70-75. Great.
People are multi-faceted. Up to you to decide what is tolerable for you and what is not. The manner in which you described this person was pretty critical;; based on the way you described yourself this is a profound difference. I think most people learn it's unrealistic to expect to change someone significantly. You can end up being resented for trying, and you can resent them for not becoming what you want.
If you were fit and pursued a physically active and healthy lifestyle would you be open to date someone who was significantly overweight and did not pursue a healthy lifestyle but you had compatibility in other areas, they were very intellectually stimulating and you really enjoyed their company?
In my experience those who lead an unhealthy lifestyle with significant weight are unprepared to take the drastic measures necessary to change the trajectory that they are on and sometimes convincing them that they need to change can often be seen as trying to control their freedom etc. and can cause relationship discord. So, perhaps it's best to let them be and only continue if you can accept that they will not change...agree or not?
I'm open to dating any women that can tie her own shoes.
Probably not good to date someone you feel superior to. Maybe you can figure out why you think your way is the only way first. On a cosmic scale what dioes it matter if your here for 80 years and he only 70-75. Great.
Who said anything about being superior? Health is a pretty damn important aspect of life and change is hard especially if you've been doing something a certain way for years. And yes, if you just lost 5 years off your life for eating and drinking anything you wished, carrying loads of extra weight and not exercising enough that would be one thing - but unfortunately it rarely happens that way, often you can get stuck with some terrifying condition like End Stage Renal disease and/or Diabetes, Stroke etc. and could need horrific things like Dialysis etc.
The question is not about whether one should live a healthy lifestyle or not, the question here is if you would rather not get involved with someone incompatible in this area if there were other compelling aspects to them...meaning you would just let them do their thing and you would do yours in terms of health/exercise.
Who said anything about being superior? Health is a pretty damn important aspect of life and change is hard especially if you've been doing something a certain way for years. And yes, if you just lost 5 years off your life for eating and drinking anything you wished, carrying loads of extra weight and not exercising enough that would be one thing - but unfortunately it rarely happens that way, often you can get stuck with some terrifying condition like End Stage Renal disease and/or Diabetes, Stroke etc. and could need horrific things like Dialysis etc.
The question is not about whether one should live a healthy lifestyle or not, the question here is if you would rather not get involved with someone incompatible in this area if there were other compelling aspects to them...meaning you would just let them do their thing and you would do yours in terms of health/exercise.
Surprisingly, most overweight people I know (up to 150 lbs overweight) have no health condition other than snoring and maybe high blood pressure which can be kept in check with simply taking pills.
None of the unhealthy and unfit people I know live a less comfortable or less healthy live than the slim and active people I know.
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