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And so might some of these other women, unknowingly mirroring something you see over and over and over again on SM, just like you unknowingly did this.
I'm not sure what you mean by the part in bold. That I included things I like in my profile and wrote it in a manner to attract my type? That has nothing to do with social media, because I wasn't active on social media seven years ago. I have been active on a variety of message boards geared toward certain interests, but these didn't, like, influence my approach to writing my profile. What was I mirroring, exactly? Most people probably include the things that are important to them or represent parts of who they are.
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They may be genuine; deciding they can't possibly be is kind of ridiculous. People do in general like the same very basic things. Honesty, humor, intelligence, creativity, family. And some interests span an extremely broad variety of people - pets, health or travel, for example. Should those be left out even if they're a huge part of a person's life because oh NO, it doesn't sound totally different from everyone else?
Well, no. People can share whatever they like, and others can deem it interesting, or not. Like with a lot of things, the style/manner/approach can help one stand out, even if what they share is seemingly cliche.
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Wouldn't hiding one's reality in a bid to seem "different" be just as non-genuine and just as much fakery?
I don't think it's about being something you're not. We've had countless threads in the past regarding this very issue, for both men and women. There were tons of men's profiles that seemed to all say the same thing in very uninteresting ways. Others were creative or changed things up to make it more engaging, even if not entirely "unique." Still not my type, but maybe a good fit for someone else.
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"Copying" (apparently - in your example, though, you prove it may not be deliberate at all) these things doesn't mean a person "didn't think." It means people like the same basic things, and like to get to know someone before revealing every last detail of their lives.
I'm not sure "copying" is the issue here. People just like what they like and others share whatever they think will paint a favorable image, or not. There are always those that leave a sour taste in your mouth.
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All this is moot, of course. The OP is entirely dissatisfied with literally every single woman within a 250-mile radius. Expanding that won't help matters. Time to quit OLD and meet women in some other way, for this poster. Good luck, OP.
Also, just to jump in here...
Again...like probably 60% or better of SM today, where it's cool to say you're a geek. Case in point. For me, that's fine, as - like so many - I too am an utter geek, we won't even go into that. It's not uncommon, in people who spend a lot of time in front of electronic media. So...another case in point. The poster here ^ believes he's confidentially approaching someone who is very niche. Pretty much the opposite is true, you can't swing a dead cat particularly on forums without hitting a "geek." It's the in thing to say.
We all think we're entirely unique, and a few of us believe nobody else can stack up, due to that. Nope. In this case the narrow-minded one isn't the one being judged. It's the judger who hasn't the capacity or creative stretch to think about people as individuals and realize what it takes to actually get to know someone. Doing that latter IS unique...and incredibly rare.
You're speaking in terms of today when the social media landscape and pop culture has evolved a great deal in just a few years. I was most active on parenting, photography, writing, movie, gaming, and debate groups/forums when I made my profile, not social media. No myspace, twitter, instagram, apps, and I had just started to get a feel for FB in '10.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Originally Posted by RJ_
I'm not ready to give up yet. It's really only been around 3 weeks since I started OLD. I think what I'll do is try a couple other dating sites. Do you have any recommendations? I'm 46.
You're my age. 3 wks is nothing. 3 mos is nothing. Don't bother with paying sites. Do OKC and Bumble (there is some regional variation with this). Date tonight is with someone from OKC I met 2 mos ago, tomorrow a Bumble woman 4 mos ago (We actually talked on OKC years ago but never met). Sometimes its going to take years before a quality connection, otherwise mos. Just take mental health breaks. I find if you do it too much its first/second date time and time again and then the setting it up, well, you can lose oneself just doing first meets and early dates and lose ones interests in other things. So give it a go for a few weeks, take a break for a month, etc. Keep your head up. Lots of awesome people out there.
Last edited by timberline742; 06-29-2018 at 04:13 PM..
I'm already a paying member of match, but I'm going to cancel my subscription soon. I just signed up for eharmony. That one is a bit more expensive. But I figure if it can lead to a viable relationship, it's worth it. If eharmony doesn't work, well, I don't know.
E-harmony netted me zilch... I hope you have better luck.
My OLD history included OKC, Match, E-Harmony, and in a final desperate swing at the fences, POF.
POF worked. Go figure. And it's feasible to work it if you don't pay for it.
One thing I have noticed among a lot of men in my area is they don't want to pay for dating sites. So a lot of profiles have various disclaimers about not being able to see feature x y or z that is only available to paying members. That's kind of a turnoff. With POF, you can message people without paying, but your own profile isn't necessarily seen by as many people. If someone on POF says they're not a paying member and therefore can't see who likes them, so what? Shouldn't they be putting in the effort and messaging people they themselves find interesting?
I'm not sure what you mean by the part in bold. That I included things I like in my profile and wrote it in a manner to attract my type? That has nothing to do with social media, because I wasn't active on social media seven years ago. I have been active on a variety of message boards geared toward certain interests, but these didn't, like, influence my approach to writing my profile. What was I mirroring, exactly? Most people probably include the things that are important to them or represent parts of who they are.
Well, no. People can share whatever they like, and others can deem it interesting, or not. Like with a lot of things, the style/manner/approach can help one stand out, even if what they share is seemingly cliche.
I don't think it's about being something you're not. We've had countless threads in the past regarding this very issue, for both men and women. There were tons of men's profiles that seemed to all say the same thing in very uninteresting ways. Others were creative or changed things up to make it more engaging, even if not entirely "unique." Still not my type, but maybe a good fit for someone else.
I'm not sure "copying" is the issue here. People just like what they like and others share whatever they think will paint a favorable image, or not. There are always those that leave a sour taste in your mouth.
You're speaking in terms of today when the social media landscape and pop culture has evolved a great deal in just a few years. I was most active on parenting, photography, writing, movie, gaming, and debate groups/forums when I made my profile, not social media. No myspace, twitter, instagram, apps, and I had just started to get a feel for FB in '10.
All of this is exactly my point. Someone reading these things in your profile could have *assumed* you were genetically copying what was trendy to say, even if you weren't. And exactly the same thing could be going on as regards some of these other women's profiles.
However, the OP will never know, as ironically, he is the one grouping people and seeing them in a very generic way. So it's kind of neither here nor there, as he has unilaterally rejected apparently hundreds of women and has no plans currently to take a closer look at any of them. But it really is all rather ironic, especially since the OP has not been able to reveal what makes him so very special and unique, apart from clapping enthusiastically because some women (a lot of them, actually) like "geek" stuff and know how to state that in an SM-trendy way.
E-harmony netted me zilch... I hope you have better luck.
My OLD history included OKC, Match, E-Harmony, and in a final desperate swing at the fences, POF.
POF worked. Go figure. And it's feasible to work it if you don't pay for it.
One thing I have noticed among a lot of men in my area is they don't want to pay for dating sites. So a lot of profiles have various disclaimers about not being able to see feature x y or z that is only available to paying members. That's kind of a turnoff. With POF, you can message people without paying, but your own profile isn't necessarily seen by as many people. If someone on POF says they're not a paying member and therefore can't see who likes them, so what? Shouldn't they be putting in the effort and messaging people they themselves find interesting?
Eh... just a random observation. YMMV
I think much of it's an aversion to supporting a monopoly of a company - one which buys up all the competition in order to neutralize it. Kind of glad Facebook is entering the scene.
You're my age. 3 wks is nothing. 3 mos is nothing. Don't bother with paying sites. Do OKC and Bumble (there is some regional variation with this). Date tonight is with someone from OKC I met 2 mos ago, tomorrow a Bumble woman 4 mos ago (We actually talked on OKC years ago but never met). Sometimes its going to take years before a quality connection, otherwise mos. Just take mental health breaks. I find if you do it too much its first/second date time and time again and then the setting it up, well, you can lose oneself just doing first meets and early dates and lose ones interests in other things. So give it a go for a few weeks, take a break for a month, etc. Keep your head up. Lots of awesome people out there.
Can I do bumble from my computer? My phone is just a basic one with call and voicemail features. I don't have a smart phone. I'll try okcupid.
Ok. So I've been chatting with some women on eharmony. I'm noticing something that I don't quite understand. We'll be chatting back and forth and then they'll just stop and like hours later they'll reply. Some of them won't reply for over a day. Why do they do this? Are they playing hard to get? That's the only thing I can figure as it doesn't take but 5 second to say "hey, gotta run, work, party, etc."
Ok. So I've been chatting with some women on eharmony. I'm noticing something that I don't quite understand. We'll be chatting back and forth and then they'll just stop and like hours later they'll reply. Some of them won't reply for over a day. Why do they do this? Are they playing hard to get? That's the only thing I can figure as it doesn't take but 5 second to say "hey, gotta run, work, party, etc."
You can’t think of messaging the same way you think of a phone conversation. It’s a different mindset for some.
Most people aren’t sitting at a PC typing in a conversation. Often they are DMing throughout their day, as they do stuff. Notifications make it easier to operate this way than checking your computer or laptop for an update.
Once you start talking on the phone your interactions will have a different rhythm. Till then, be patient.
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