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Originally Posted by ThisTown123
Well, I don't know. That's the BDSM community, so maybe that's a dynamic that's an entirely different conversation/world altogether. Not sure if the BDSM community can be comparable to non-BDSM'ers. The experiences may go down differently betweent he 2. I don''t know.
I mean, I have female friends where it's been established we're only friends. In fact, they are comfortable enough to come up to me, grab my hand, and join them on the dance floor (guess I'm doin' something right, lol)
But then there are the women that prefer not to even converse beyond curt responses, esp. at the Meetups that I've been going to. I only get along with the organizer who is a woman, and a married woman that goes out with us without her husband. When I try to converse with any single ladies there to establish a friendship...the walls already go up.
How can I say it? It's like they don't even want to be friends with you...unless you're cute/handsome (in their eyes). I think I'm saying, if women are at these events with the intent on being on the prowl, friendships are the last thing on their mind. Some of them come and go to these Meetups like the wind. See them a couple of times, then never see them again.
It gets tedious getting to know new people over and over again.
So you'll maybe get a small , core group of devoted members.
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I'm seeing in what you're saying, kind of a human nature thing. People who show up to some event or group with an AGENDA and some expectation that they will have a need fulfilled, if it doesn't happen pretty fast, they quit coming. Some folks are impatient and narrow in their focus. Like a parent who tries some disciplinary technique ONCE and the kid then goes and does the same thing again, and they will say "we tried X and it didn't work." Well you tried it like one time, maybe you needed to keep trying and be consistent. Or someone who tries a skin product or medicine ONE time and did not get instant relief from whatever. You know? "It didn't work." Well, you went in with these really high expectations of instant results and took it personally when it didn't materialize, maybe that's the problem. And your women who vanish after showing up a time or two and finding or not finding a date...they are very narrow in the scope of what they want.
That is very much the same in my community. We get guys who show up to one event, figuring the kind of club it is, sex (or someone to date, but usually sex) is something they'll be able to easily get. That isn't how it works, and when they find that out, they stop showing up. They aren't there to make friends. Guys here talk all the time about how they don't try to make friends with women, because if they're talking to a woman it's because they want a date (or sex, etc) and if she's not gonna give them that, they don't want to "waste their time" being friends with her.
You know, that's a lot more common than what you're complaining about. Can you blame women for assuming that guys who try to talk to us have a certain likely agenda? One would have to get to know YOU in order to know that you really don't.
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63
Is it difficult or tiring to constantly be thinking of whether or not you want to try something sexual with someone/anyone? Constantly figuring out the right move to make?
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Not at all. In life, as it's happening, all this is very intuitive. Gut-driven. It is, if anything, more difficult to parse it out into language and make sense of it in writing, but I'm glad I do. It helps me to see things more clearly and be less confused about various interactions. And since I am now in a closed, monogamous relationship, the answer is easy...I generally don't want to try something sexual with anybody but my partner. The right move to make is a friendly one. The only question is how that may be interpreted by the other person...which USUALLY isn't a problem, but once in a while, can be.
Back to the OP, though. Yes I have seen situations where "it" (dates, texts, etc) did not happen right away but did end up happening. But only if neither of those people were truly put off by the other one that first meeting. A bonfire of passion can take time to get lit up, there is not always a "spark" immediately and it can still work out...but there should at least be some positive impression, maybe curiosity.
Heck there was another guy I dated that I met and I was feeling "Hmmm...not sure about this guy..." so I didn't talk to him much for a few weeks, I was spending that time investigating my other options. And nothing better came up, so I reached out to him again after a while. Nothing better had come up for him either during that time, so we saw each other again. We ended up having a very nice little relationship thing for about a year, and even though we were not a good match for a life partnership, we parted ways as friends and we're still close.
I also have dated guys where there was a pretty fast "spark" but they burned out fast, too, and turned out to be huge mistakes. The only thing I seem to know immediately is if someone is really a hard "NOPE!" Like the guy with the terrible teeth. Met him on OKC, went on one dinner date, did NOT kiss him goodbye and did not see him again...his teeth were so gross they freaked me out, even though we had very nice conversation.
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