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I am having a problem here , possibly. I am very old school. I don't believe in initiating texts to a man. Nor do i believe in texting a stranger- someone I'm talking to online and haven't met , or even someone I've had a first date with- no matter how great-all day. It seems to me these men need excessive attention / reassurance. They are in their late 30s. Even during a work day, they blow up my phone. Am I the strange one not enjoying this or not wanting this? I don't even reach out to say I had a good time, thank you though I usually say it more than once on the date and hug my dates, usually both at the beginning and end of the date. I feel that's the man's job to communicate afterwards. Am I messing things up by not being more accommodating with the all day texting? Am I messing things up by not ever reaching out first? Late 30s guys, please help.
The way the world communicates has changed. If you're texting, you're already not "old school." You'll have to change as well if you want to get to know people, unless you just want to rigidly cling to your ways and look for that needle in a haystack.
It's funny you say I have to change it up^^^^^^^^ you mean to initiating sometimes? I tried that today and it was a disaster. Granted the person and I were not communicating well prior but he didn't seem happy to hear from me at all and I feel stupid. Irritated even. I won't be texting him again! Please in answering let me know if you're male or female.
You tell us. How's your dating life going? If not well, then you have your answer about whether you're "messing up". You can concoct all sorts of justifications to not change but if what you're doing now isn't working well, don't expect to keep doing it and get different results. What you "believe in" or not is your choice but don't expect to impose that choice on the rest of the world. Personally, you are too rigid and too much of a scorekeeper for me.
It's funny you say I have to change it up^^^^^^^^ you mean to initiating sometimes? I tried that today and it was a disaster. Granted the person and I were not communicating well prior but he didn't seem happy to hear from me at all and I feel stupid. Irritated even. I won't be texting him again! Please in answering let me know if you're male or female.
I am female.
It does matter that you weren't communicating well. But if he wasn't happy to hear from you then no, he's not really into you and was likely keeping you as a backup date. And taking the initiative to text him is one way to find that out. Because even people who are busy can be kind about saying, "Oh thanks for saying hi! I'm in the middle of something. Text you later?"
I have found that it doesn't make your life easier to be rigid when it comes to getting to know people.
It helps to focus on some maximum number of active dates. Earlier this year I was dating 4 women at the same time, and had to quit visiting the OLD site because I wanted a few days to myself or with my broheims.
If you are actively communicating with lots of men then you have too many on your active list. You might be a bit more cautious about moving from OLD messaging to phone/text. Maybe an email intermediate step might let you interact a bit more before taking it to phone/text.
Also, I don't get involved in long text exchanges. I use text more as a low-priority side channel, and also to ask if she wants to chat on the phone. Often just asking makes my phone ring.
As far as blowing up somebody's text, this should work for all. Never send more than 1-2 text messages with no reply. Wait until the next day before sending a new message. You look needy if you keep messaging with no replies.
Much the same applies to phone calls. As I said I like to set up phone calls by prior text. Limit your phone calls similar to texts as I described above.
If you overly text or phone somebody you are in danger of appearing needy or insecure. No matter what your gender this is always a bad sign in the people you have been matched with. You have to manage your relationships that (1) you have to communicate where your messages/calls are 50/50, and (2) you have to resist the urge to keep sending texts (or calling) when you are not receiving replies. And I guess (3) make the conversations half about you and half about them. Keep it balanced.
I've posted a similar concern and I'm 50 (so it seems more 'normal' that I am not into texting). I just find it a stupid way to communicate most of the time.
Given your age, you may come across as inflexible if you aren't willing to text at all. But I don't think you should feel like you have to text all day.
I'm a teacher, so I just say up front...I can't use my phone while I'm working so don't be surprised when I don't respond. And I say I'm not a fast texter (true). If someone starts a text-versation with me, I usually just call him. If he doesn't answer, that's on him.
I figure if a guy is really into me, he'll figure it out. But I'm still single after 12 years so maybe I need to rethink that......
I think those guys will probably feel you are uninterested if you continue. I started dating at 42 (widowed) and while I am not forward, I would initiate texts, if there was an already established pattern of him texting me throughout the day. Usually humorous things (most of my relationships involve a LOT of humor), or things without the expectancy of an immediate response.
Texting is a way to flirt, bond a little and learn about each other in a no pressure type of way.
Of course always a "thank you" after going out.
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