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But it got me thinking, when it comes to finding a good man, what is it that makes you feel safe? Not just in terms of physical safety but emotionally and spiritually safe?
I love that set so much. It's in Burbank. I think it's also Grandview (Ghost Whisperer) and it was even Leave it to Beaver. IIRC.
Safe...hmmm...he has to be willing to take care of things. That doesn't mean he HAS to - I expect to take care of things too. It's the fact that he would be *willing* to. I guess just...acting like an adult. Capable.
No man has ever particularly made me feel safe, but I like men who are non-threatening. I had a guy doing some work in my house today and I wasn’t watching him the whole time, but I wasn’t worried about it because he had a non-threatening appearance so I felt safe. I never once thought he might attack me or steal anything, so it was fine. I don’t think this is what the OP meant though. lol
For me to feel emotionally safe, he would have to be very accepting of me and not judgmental. I would need to know that he’s trustworthy.
For me to feel safe with a man, I have to feel overwhelmingly that I can trust him not to exploit my vulnerability.
When I was 18 or so I was driving alone and came across an elderly lady on the side of the road with apparent car troubles. I pull over and walk up to her and asked her if I could help out. She was a little small elderly black woman and looking at her I realized that she was practically terrified of me. I'm literally not a scary guy, especially back then, I was skinny and like a puppy dog. I quickly and politely left after she refused any help. I remember her all these 30 years later. I'll always remember that look of fear and uncertainty she had.
I say this because it made me really understand how women may feel so much more vulnerable than men and myself in particular.
I've done my best to not be a guy that would make a woman feel uncomfortable. To the point of not being as aggressive in pursuing women in the romantic sense. Luckily, I never had to work that hard anyway.
My own capability do defend myself. Why would I need a man to feel safe? I don't truly trust anyone, just myself.
I clicked on the thread because of the oddity of the question.
If I feel safe or unsafe, it has nothing to do with a man. How would a man make one feel safe?
The most unsafe I ever felt in my life was when I was married. I learned how to make myself feel safe when I realized that a woman has a kitchen full of weapons.
When I was 18 or so I was driving alone and came across an elderly lady on the side of the road with apparent car troubles. I pull over and walk up to her and asked her if I could help out. She was a little small elderly black woman and looking at her I realized that she was practically terrified of me. I'm literally not a scary guy, especially back then, I was skinny and like a puppy dog. I quickly and politely left after she refused any help. I remember her all these 30 years later. I'll always remember that look of fear and uncertainty she had.
I say this because it made me really understand how women may feel so much more vulnerable than men and myself in particular.
I've done my best to not be a guy that would make a woman feel uncomfortable. To the point of not being as aggressive in pursuing women in the romantic sense. Luckily, I never had to work that hard anyway.
That woman, like so many other girls and women, probably had an incident (or several) in her lifetime, that she was on her tensest of nerves. You mention that she was small, old, female, and black - she had all those characteristics that each, by themselves, is adequate to make one feel vulnerable, and exploitable. I hope you didn't take it personally, but countless women who were younger, stronger, bigger, have been victimized in horrifying ways for merely having a breakdown on a highway. So much so, that LE started releasing warnings and instructions for what women should do if they find themselves broke down and alone. This was of course before every five year old had their own cell phone.
Sometimes, like in the case of your little old lady, there's just no way to feel 'safe' no matter how well intended a Good Samaritan might be. I hope you don't take her reaction personally. I can only imagine what that poor old lady lived through before that car trouble incident.
I've had moments or periods where a man has made me feel safe but it's never been consistent and ongoing. I guess when I find that one man that makes me feel that way consistently, he'll probably be "the one".
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