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Mostly easy going but of course we've had some challenges along the way. We have disagreements, arguments, we occasionally get on one another's nerves . But I wouldn't say it's hard work.
I do think that a relationship needs nurturing - sometimes we have to remind ourselves not to get caught up in the daily routine/grind of life and remember to do/say things that make one another feel special or show our appreciation.
I do believe that there are relationships that require hard work. When there are different ideologies when it comes to raising children, managing finances, etc. it can take more effort to make it work so to speak. If one spouse betrays the other, I imagine that it takes a tremendous amount of effort (ie hard work) to overcome that and decide how to proceed.
Hm, I know that since I am not currently, legally married, I don't really fit your request, but if I may? It is my mentality that "making it official" doesn't make a lot of difference. I'm either in the kind of relationship where we behave as-married (closed, committed, intend it to be longterm or permanent, live together, make life plans together, lots of entanglement) or...I'm not.
And I've spent more of my life in that mode, than out of it. I consider myself to be in it now, though we likely won't tie the knot until my younger son is grown and out. I just feel that I want to close that chapter, get that mission accomplished, before I open the new one with a marriage. And I am thinking we could do it in Phoenix so his father could attend. So it's more when, than if, at this point. I don't see us breaking up. I expect to be with him until one of us dies.
Does that count? Because in my world it does.
The first one was work. Hard work. But we had emotional mismatch from the beginning (he was in love, I wasn't) and we moved way too fast in committing and escalating our relationship, even though we didn't officially marry for the first 10 years legally. That didn't matter. Neither did the divorce process in my opinion, it was over when we broke up. He had serious mental and emotional problems and we were probably both abusive to each other in various ways over the years. He was also an addict, prone to physical violence and tantrums, and couldn't hold a job. He worked hard to try to be a decent husband (against these factors) and I worked hard to keep him under control and cope.
The man I've been with for nearly 3 years and plan to marry, it isn't work at all. It's joy. It's "home" in a human body. It is the easiest thing in the world to love him and be loved by him. But we are both emotionally invested (no "mismatch") and we took our time with various relationship building stages and he is a very stable human being. We also have our own physical space in the home, rather than sharing a bedroom, and I believe that helps. Life dishes out stuff we have to work at, but if it feels like you are working to try and deal with someone that you don't even really like that much, or that you don't like enough to want to share a home with, or one of you is deeply in love and the other is just going along...then that's when you should question the relationship.
Hm, I know that since I am not currently, legally married, I don't really fit your request, but if I may? It is my mentality that "making it official" doesn't make a lot of difference. I'm either in the kind of relationship where we behave as-married (closed, committed, intend it to be longterm or permanent, live together, make life plans together, lots of entanglement) or...I'm not.
And I've spent more of my life in that mode, than out of it. I consider myself to be in it now, though we likely won't tie the knot until my younger son is grown and out. I just feel that I want to close that chapter, get that mission accomplished, before I open the new one with a marriage. And I am thinking we could do it in Phoenix so his father could attend. So it's more when, than if, at this point. I don't see us breaking up. I expect to be with him until one of us dies.
Does that count? Because in my world it does.
The first one was work. Hard work. But we had emotional mismatch from the beginning (he was in love, I wasn't) and we moved way too fast in committing and escalating our relationship, even though we didn't officially marry for the first 10 years legally. That didn't matter. Neither did the divorce process in my opinion, it was over when we broke up. He had serious mental and emotional problems and we were probably both abusive to each other in various ways over the years. He was also an addict, prone to physical violence and tantrums, and couldn't hold a job. He worked hard to try to be a decent husband (against these factors) and I worked hard to keep him under control and cope.
The man I've been with for nearly 3 years and plan to marry, it isn't work at all. It's joy. It's "home" in a human body. It is the easiest thing in the world to love him and be loved by him. But we are both emotionally invested (no "mismatch") and we took our time with various relationship building stages and he is a very stable human being. We also have our own physical space in the home, rather than sharing a bedroom, and I believe that helps. Life dishes out stuff we have to work at, but if it feels like you are working to try and deal with someone that you don't even really like that much, or that you don't like enough to want to share a home with, or one of you is deeply in love and the other is just going along...then that's when you should question the relationship.
You have seperate bedrooms? Tell me about that. That doesnt' create a disconnect? How old are you?
Marriage..... has it been easy or has it been hard work?
Our compatibility and dynamic makes it seem effortless. We do strive to maintain that connection and dynamic. But it's definitely not hard work. We've got each other's back and work extremely well together. Our similar personalities, temperaments, communication style, love language, humor, quirkiness, interests, passions, etc., probably has a lot to do with it. We also see eye to eye on parenting philosophy/style, life goals, ideologies, value systems, and other important issues. All of that helps a ton as far as the overall dynamic of our relationship.
Together for 20, married for 15. Majority of the time its easy. Sometimes hard, but not often.
It's been great developing the deep love that comes with being together and connected for so long. Takes some compromise, a lot of understanding and love, tenderness and respect. Would also say we have maintained some of our own interests and hobbies that give us a break from each other and the kids!
This second marriage is rarely work. Mostly, it is a joy, we are highly compatible in most ways, and easily agree on most issues and decisions. Intimacy has never been a problem, and communication has always been excellent. Occasionally, something will require that we work to solve, but given the fundamentally great compatibility, we know we each have the other's best interests at heart, and can usually find a quick solution. We have faced huge problems that would destroy many marriages, but barely affected ours.
My first marriage had partial compatibility, but mostly in more superficial things. She had a need to be right, even when it was bad for the relationship. Where we did failed was in not wanting the same level and kind of connection - intimacy and sex with her sucked, frankly, and over time destroyed the relationship.
You have seperate bedrooms? Tell me about that. That doesnt' create a disconnect? How old are you?
We do, and it's wonderful. I am 39, my partner is 59. It doesn't create a disconnect at all, in fact it makes us closer, I think.
First of all, we have different work schedules, so I have to get up early when he's in the middle of his sleep time. He stays up much later than I do, and usually works evenings. So this allows us both to get good sleep without alarm clocks going off, and one person being up wanting to watch tv or use the computer when the other is trying to sleep. Friday night is our one night where neither of us has to work that night or the next day, so I spend Friday nights in his bed with him. And there are weekends where we spend almost entire days in his bed together, just being lazy, snuggling, napping, and having sex all day except when we feel like getting up to eat. Those days are really nice.
Then there is the fact that he's an introvert. He needs alone space and alone time. I respect that. I need social time with my social groups, participation in a "community" and he respects that. We don't have to be attached at the hip 24/7, and we trust one another completely. So each of us can get his/her needs met. Having his own room is good for his introvert needs.
I have a cat, I like having my cat sleep with me, and he doesn't want my cat in his room because he doesn't want cat hair on everything, and he doesn't want the cat knocking over his collectibles that he's got on shelves.
Each of us has our own collections and decorating style, and we enjoy having our own space to indulge that. I also need space to work on my art projects, so I do that sort of thing in my room.
Oddly, not sharing space...it feels like we don't take each other for granted. Our time together feels more deliberate and special, than time with previous partners I've had where we woke up next to one another and fell asleep next to one another. And I think I better actual sleep, alone in my own bed.
Marriage..... has it been easy or has it been hard work?
Married 50 years. Very hard work. I married young and was not ready. Over the years I have grown to appreciate him and his qualities, matured and developed my own self-esteem and sense of self. We still need to address relationship problems but that is getting easier as we have learnt to respect each other and our boundaries. It is a constantly evolving relationship. I might have wished otherwise earlier but now I would not want to be married to anybody else. Too much invested in this one!
But that is true of any relationship, such as with your adult children, or friends.
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. But I wouldn't say it's hard work. 
