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I didn’t say anything about bailing, was just a bit confused and being the one reaching out every week gets old. At some point you want equal investment. In my experience the guy does do the initial setups and contact in the beginning but it’s weird to me that we haven’t made that transition.
The solution is pretty obvious. Just stop reaching out to her and wait for her to reach out to you. If it doesn't happen, that tells you everything you need to know about where you stand with her.
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Originally Posted by redplum33
Why would you suggest that? Sounds like everything is going fine. It may just not be her style to initiate.
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Originally Posted by Chriz Brown
Why not?
If this is a "relationship" it has to go both ways. He should not be walking on eggshells worrying where he stands. That's not healthy. He needs to stop reaching out immediately and wait for her to invest.
Why not? Did you read his post? Everything is fine in the relationship. If she's not the type to initiate (and there are plenty of people like that), and he stops contacting her as you've suggested, then she will think he's no longer interested and the relationship will be over.
Your idea of what constitutes a relationship doesn't apply to everyone. She continues to go out with him whenever he asks. In my opinion, there's no problem here. Your obvious solution will create a problem.
If he is a grownup, he should tell her that is what he wants.
Women don't have this all wrapped up either. It can be a learning curve for either, or both. For all we know she may think this is what *he* wants. Simply falling silent as some sort of test instead of just speaking up is bizarre. Will she have to guess at other stuff in the relationship too? Silly. Just talk, like grownups, then you know.
If he goes silent, it should not take long for her to reach out to him to see why he went silent. If she doesn't, she obviously doesn't care about him.
Sorry, but I have a lot of dating experience and I know what I'm talking about. I'm trying to help the OP. I really don't care about the girl or her feelings because she didn't create this thread. The OP did. So I'm helping the OP.
I didn’t say anything about bailing, was just a bit confused and being the one reaching out every week gets old. At some point you want equal investment. In my experience the guy does do the initial setups and contact in the beginning but it’s weird to me that we haven’t made that transition.
Exactly right.
The only way to find out where you stand is to go silent. There is no reason under the sun for her not to reach out to you. I've done this many times and the girl always reaches out eventually. If she doesn't.. what does that tell you?
I didn’t say anything about bailing, was just a bit confused and being the one reaching out every week gets old. At some point you want equal investment. In my experience the guy does do the initial setups and contact in the beginning but it’s weird to me that we haven’t made that transition.
Sorry, but I have a lot of dating experience and I know what I'm talking about.
That's pretty arrogant. Relationships aren't one size fits all. Your advice might have been great in a different but similar thread. But, IMO, you gave terrible advice in this thread.
One would assume a girl is not interested if they are never contacting or asking the other out .
Not true. The guys I was truly interested in (thought it could actually go somewhere serious) where the ones I never called. Its how I weeded out people like the poster who goes by Chriz Brown. Guys I didn't care where it went but just wanted to go out and have a good time were the ones I called.
If you like her enough that you don't care if you have to ask her out every single time, and be the only one who calls, you will make a huge and lasting impression on her if she also likes you. I'm assuming she does because she keeps going out with you.
Sure you can try not calling. But if she never calls you its can be either because she didn't really like you or because she is waiting for a guy to pursue her until he tells her he want to be in a committed relationship with her. So if you want you can take the gamble.
The only way to find out where you stand is to go silent. There is no reason under the sun for her not to reach out to you. I've done this many times and the girl always reaches out eventually. If she doesn't.. what does that tell you?
This is not the only way. OP can have a conversation about it.
I didn’t say anything about bailing, was just a bit confused and being the one reaching out every week gets old. At some point you want equal investment. In my experience the guy does do the initial setups and contact in the beginning but it’s weird to me that we haven’t made that transition.
Have you told her you are ready for more than dating?
Come on man, communicate to her. Tell her you are invested and ask if she is too.
She is clearly a girl who likes to be pursued and if after 10 dates you are still going out, you are doing a good job pursuing her. So she is wanting you to make the transition to the next step. Same reason most girls wait for the man to propose. Not that your near that at all but just saying, she is probably waiting for you to tell her where you see the relationship going.
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