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Why don't you tell them what you actually do? Like, consultant or whatever?
I'm a freelance writer. I tell people I am a freelance writer.
Also a freelance writer myself, but that's a turn off for women. Esp. With the "freelance" part. It's also not as lucrative as it used to be, so I had to take a part time job to take up the slack.
When people started using it as a euphemism for "unemployed."
that’s exactly it. And it’s not a new thing. Plenty of legitimately self-employed people are obviously very successful, we all know that, but it is often (especially in OLD) a euphemism for “I don’t actually have a job right now, but every once in a while I might get paid to do some side work. “
Because America encourages the opposite verbally of what we actually support.
Small business owners are outright sh** on by banks, the government, significant others, friends and family - UNTIL it becomes successful. And then it's "HEY MAN! CONGRATULATIONS! Feel free to buy me a beer!"
Their logic is: If I haven't seen your company on Ellen it's not successful. I don't want to help or struggle with you. I don't want to be associated with a failure because then what would my friends say?
OLD only works if:
- You're in the top percentile of attractiveness
- You don't mind divulging excessive information about your Fortune 100 job
- You have a robust social media presence with videos of you being the life of the party every weekend and a personal Assistant curating your Instagram feed showcasing your escapades at the MET Gala, Meatpacking district, Hells Kitchen, Flatiron, Chelsea and other "lime lit" areas.
I have run into this more and more often on dating sites, people have either questioned or mentioned that they almost did not answer my ad because I listed self employed(which I am), the fact that many who have contacted me but expressed that they almost did not leads me to believe there are most likely more that did not. now in a way I find it distasteful to ask specifically about employment so it saves me having to meet shallow people. The closest I will come to asking about someones job is asking "whats your scheduled like?" as it tells you nothing about her income,it just tells me how much time we could potentially spend together. such as a lawyer who buts in 70 hour weeks is less appealing than a waitress who works 6 hour shifts 4 nights a week where as a nurse at a private doctors office who works 8-6 mon-fri is more appealing than a woman with 3 part time jobs spread out over 60 hours a week. in other words I could care less about what a woman does for a living as long as she can live within her means and has time to invest in a relationship.
So if a man can support himself being self employed why is they a stigma on it?
An acquaintance, nice reserved lady, highly educated, had a policy of not dating “blue collar” men. She did not view them as “professional”. It really irked my wife and I when we would discuss this because a lot of these “blue collar” workers are very smart, ambitious, disciplined and caring people that end up earning one heck of a lot more than so called “professionals”. We softened her position somewhat but never got her really clear of her bias. I admit to not understanding the basis of such a bias.
An acquaintance, nice reserved lady, highly educated, had a policy of not dating “blue collar” men. She did not view them as “professional”. It really irked my wife and I when we would discuss this because a lot of these “blue collar” workers are very smart, ambitious, disciplined and caring people that end up earning one heck of a lot more than so called “professionals”. We softened her position somewhat but never got her really clear of her bias. I admit to not understanding the basis of such a bias.
That's unfortunate -- I prefer a blue collar guy. Make that a blue collar guy in uniform and ... swoon!
Because self-employed doesn't mean what it used to. You can be "self-employed" without having had to make any kind of investment at all...meaning you can be self-employed as a youtuber pulling in $100 a month.
Not that people couldn't lie before, but ANYONE and everyone is now calling their little side stuff being self-employed even if it is not close to supporting them. It's just become a meaningless term, is all - no cachet whatsoever.
Why not change it to "IT consultant" or whatever it is you do instead of "self employed." Don't be so vague. I hate it when people want to date but then it is too much to reveal what kind of work they do. It's not like I want you to list your employer with address, just be a bit more specific if you want to get to know me.
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