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Lol. Ok you got me.
Technically I have never had this but I’ve always tried on my side and wanted it. The guys couldn’t do it. And I don’t know why. Like, why can’t we be lovers and best friends at the same time?
On the flip side, I’ve yet to have a platonic male friendship either, even though I want one. So whatever is going to happen here, I am willing to see how it unfolds.
The man's behavior on your date could possibly be partly explained by the "Metoo"thing. He doesnt want to be accused of anything. Men are in a real dilemma these days. Not agressive=means not interested. Agressive=sexual predictor. Men cannot read minds.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by augiedogie
The man's behavior on your date could possibly be partly explained by the "Metoo"thing. He doesnt want to be accused of anything. Men are in a real dilemma these days. Not agressive=means not interested. Agressive=sexual predictor. Men cannot read minds.
No, but it isn't an issue if one can communicate and read non-verbal cues, which are usually as loud as verbal ones.
I had something to do last night, that’s why I couldn’t go. I definitely get the feeling that he likes to do last minute dates, based on his patterns. Very spontaneous. I’m fine with last minute dates too (not judging him) I will go if I can, I’m spontaneous too, but I can’t always make them and I hope he wouldn’t be mad if I can’t sometimes.
What you're calling "spontaneous," most people would call "still married and not able to freely allot his time."
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth
Technically I have never had this but I’ve always tried on my side and wanted it. The guys couldn’t do it. And I don’t know why. Like, why can’t we be lovers and best friends at the same time?
It sounds like you're trying to skip steps in the process.
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth
On the flip side, I’ve yet to have a platonic male friendship either, even though I want one. So whatever is going to happen here, I am willing to see how it unfolds.
I don't know why you seem to be hung up on having a male platonic friend.
You're willing to see how it unfolds? Well it sounds like you're willing to overlook your own stated dealbreakers whenever a guy is "super cute."
With that all I can really do is just wait and see.
No, that's not all you can do. You also can tell him, "You know what? It sounds like you have a lot going on. Why don't you give me a call when your divorce is final?"
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth
What are the steps? Just wondering what you mean.
The "friends first" thing? People don't generally develop romance and friendship at the same time. Unless they start off in bed, there usually is some level of comfort and trust that develops before "romance" comes along.
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth
What dealbreakers? You mean the kids? Well they live 3.5 hours away and he goes to see them once a month, so that I can deal with.
Kids, still married, etc. The stuff you've talked about in your threads here.
May I inquire if you are not of the same cloth in believing that a friendship is the foundation of relationship?
Maybe He is more mature in understanding what it takes in the long run of sustainability.
He was forthright and shared his standards. Is that unacceptable in your dating guidelines?
Every guy that I ever gave a second glance to, I made sure to be direct that without a "trust" and "Honesty" that is found amongst friends we weren't moving on to the next level.
If though you are allowing your imagination to decide if he is married or separated...address it and move along.
I too believe there must be friendship but IMO there does also need to be that spark, and for me, anyway, it has always been there from the beginning. Otherwise....well, that's what "just friends" are. A connection and getting along, without wanting something romantic.
No, that's not all you can do. You also can tell him, "You know what? It sounds like you have a lot going on. Why don't you give me a call when your divorce is final?"
I can't say that until I'm sure (which I'm not) that he's still married.
Quote:
The "friends first" thing? People don't generally develop romance and friendship at the same time. Unless they start off in bed, there usually is some level of comfort and trust that develops before "romance" comes along.
Well this will be a new experience for me for sure. I will keep close tabs on how I feel about it along the way.
I too believe there must be friendship but IMO there does also need to be that spark, and for me, anyway, it has always been there from the beginning. Otherwise....well, that's what "just friends" are. A connection and getting along, without wanting something romantic.
So I remember that my ex-husband was this way when we first met. He asked me out, he was there in presence, he looked attractive to me, but he just wasn't very....affectionate, verbally or physically. Of course I was super young and could not recognize this at all and so what did I do? I did most of the work to make him relax and was bubbly and affectionate with him because I liked him and wanted to help him. This worked and of course he liked it. Eventually he opened up sexually (i.e. he wanted and initiated sex with me) and asked to marry me but the man NEVER opened up emotionally to me. He never showed me verbal affection and never non-sexual physical affection (i.e. just plain old touch). But the man was there. He was there... and he wanted to be with me. This confused the heck out of me, just as I am confused now with this new guy and my fear is that this guy is the same way. Because I know it exists. This time I am different though. I am not doing the work because had I not with my ex-husband, I think I would have saw and accepted the real him earlier. It didn't work for me.
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Just wondering what you mean.
