Need help asking a woman out (dating, women, single, attractive)
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Met a woman briefly in a professional setting about six weeks ago, just long enough to introduce ourselves. I didn't think I'd see her again any time soon (different city), so I didn't take it any further than that. Ran into her again recently at another event. We apparently share some mutual friends, who she was with. I reintroduced myself to her and chatted a bit. I think she's very attractive and she wasn't wearing a ring. She was friendly but didn't seem to give me any signs of interest (not that I've had a lot of success reading THOSE correctly).
But, pretty late last night she friended me on Facebook. I know, doesn't necessarily mean much. But she lives relatively close, works in the same general field, is very attractive, and seems like we share some commonality judging by her Facebook page. She's single. I'd like to get to know her better. I don't get opportunities like this very often, and I'd like to ask her out. But, it's unlikely I'm going to run into her again in person for a long while (next year), so it'll have to be done over Facebook.
So, how do I best go about asking her out? Be direct? Try to start a casual conversation with her first (I know she'd probably see through that)? Go for a friends type deal and see if I can get to know her better that way? Try to feel her out through our mutual friends?
Looking for any recommendations, I have not had success at this in the past.
Give it time. Post occasionally on her FB. See if she reciprocates occasionally. After a period of friendly exchanges like that. message her, to ask if she'd like to get together for coffee on the weekend. Or if there's a free event in your area, you could ask her if she'd like to meet you there, like an art fair, free concert, or whatever, and present that as a coffee get-together.
Note: she doesn't have to give you "signals" when encountering you the 2nd time. She was friendly. That's enough. A lot of women aren't even thinking in terms of a random guy potentially being a date. They're not constantly on the prowl, like that. It doesn't mean they wouldn't be interested, if you made a gesture. The fact is, that she's open, generally speaking, because she was friendly. The fact that you have mutual friends is a plus factor in your favor; it means you're in her circle, though somewhat distantly at the moment, but still, it means that people she knows and trusts know you. It means you're pre-vetted, to some extent. It also means you could conceivably ask your friends about her, at least to find out if she's dating anyone.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 10-21-2018 at 02:36 PM..
Give it time. Post occasionally on her FB. See if she reciprocates occasionally. After a period of friendly exchanges like that. message her, to ask if she'd like to get together for coffee on the weekend. Or if there's a free event in your area, you could ask her if she'd like to meet you there, like an art fair, free concert, or whatever, and present that as a coffee get-together.
Yeah. I tried something like that very recently, actually, with another woman (sort of the same set of circumstances, but I see her more often). Slow-play, exactly as you described it, over the course of months. Eventually we started chatting and she gave me her number. I worked my way up to asking her out for coffee. She said yes (a first for me, that Yes) but then bailed on the date right before we were to meet (I'd already driven to her city). She ghosted me afterwards. I'm assuming I misread all the signals.
I know: Different strokes for different folks. What works for some doesn't work for others. But the way my mind works is "X didn't work then, so let's try Y this time."
Yeah. I tried something like that very recently, actually, with another woman (sort of the same set of circumstances, but I see her more often). Slow-play, exactly as you described it, over the course of months. Eventually we started chatting and she gave me her number. I worked my way up to asking her out for coffee. She said yes (a first for me, that Yes) but then bailed on the date right before we were to meet (I'd already driven to her city). She ghosted me afterwards. I'm assuming I misread all the signals.
I know: Different strokes for different folks. What works for some doesn't work for others. But the way my mind works is "X didn't work then, so let's try Y this time."
That's odd. Why would she give you her number, if she weren't interested in a simple coffee date or whatever? Did she volunteer her number, or did you ask for it? If you requested it, then it seems that she only gave it to you to be polite. That's too bad, OP. Don't let it get you down, though.
And bear in mind, that you do have friends in common with your new prospect. That's not magic, but it means the circumstances are a little different, than with the other person you mentioned.
70 miles. That's "relatively nearby" for where I live.
Edit: Wait, the one in the OP, or the other girl I described from a few weeks ago? The one in the OP lives 70 miles. My failed coffee date lives 130 miles away.
That's odd. Why would she give you her number, if she weren't interested in a simple coffee date or whatever? Did she volunteer her number, or did you ask for it? If you requested it, then it seems that she only gave it to you to be polite. That's too bad, OP. Don't let it get you down, though.
She volunteered it. Moved from FB chat to phone texts. I've still never asked a girl specifically for her number. Don't know how common that even is anymore, what with social media taking over.
Edit: Well, that's the short version. Longer version is, she didn't respond to anything for about a week. Then, started texting me again...seemed to have good conversation, and I thought made a connection over some shared interests. So I take one more shot and ask her if she wants to catch coffee on another weekend when I'm going to be in her city, in a few weeks. "Sorry, I'm going to be busy that whole weekend."
She volunteered it. Moved from FB chat to phone texts. I've still never asked a girl specifically for her number. Don't know how common that even is anymore, what with social media taking over.
OK, now that does seem odd. You'll just have to chalk it up as a flakey person, or whatever. Don't let it reflect on you. Write it off. Keep on truckin'!
She volunteered it. Moved from FB chat to phone texts. I've still never asked a girl specifically for her number. Don't know how common that even is anymore, what with social media taking over.
Edit: Well, that's the short version. Longer version is, she didn't respond to anything for about a week. Then, started texting me again...seemed to have good conversation, and I thought made a connection over some shared interests. So I take one more shot and ask her if she wants to catch coffee on another weekend when I'm going to be in her city, in a few weeks. "Sorry, I'm going to be busy that whole weekend."
So, done with that.
Did you meet this woman in professional circumstances, as well? She may have wanted to network, not date.
Stop asking women for "coffee", and ask them on a real DATE. Dinner, then some activity afterwards. Museums, shows, party at friends, ice skating. Anything. If you have confidence issues it comes through, especially with the coffee thing. The worst thing she can do is say no to a date, but at least you know.
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