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We are having sex and to be honest with you, I initiate it.
I am attracted to him obviously.
I don’t think he is seeing anyone else.
I don’t want to break on sleeping with him because what he said but I would like him to clarify what he exactly means ie if still seeking others?
But I thought when someone says going with flow or no label it means they’re open seeing others.
I honestly didn’t question him I just listened and then changed the subject.
Eventually you get to the point where when someone is not that interested in you, it makes your blood run cold and you lose your attraction to them.
We've had guys come here and ask why their girlfriends supposedly went all the way with other guys but for some reason want to "take things slow" with them. Sort of a similar thought process.
Either way, only he has the answer. If exclusivity is what you seek, then it sounds like the other night would have been the perfect time to ask specifically about that.
I honestly don't think you can go wrong with being patient and not letting your own insecurities ruin things before they get the chance to start.
Would I be wrong to ask him to clarify “what he consider me as”.
“Casual hookup” “friends with benefits” but those are still label right?
I have a different take. My take is, why bother with guys like this? I mean, nothing is wrong with them, but there are plenty of men who know what they want and are not hesitant. I've had them and I like these guys a lot better. My time is better spent with the ones are are not so tentative and I just leave the apprehensive ones alone.
I agree. IME (and this is JUST my experience, mind you), I never had things work out when one of us was lukewarm like this and the other (i.e. the OP) was wondering and questioning and not quite comfortable. There was just already an inequality there.
The OP can certainly see where this goes but to me it sounds like he was almost literally putting up his hand to push back at the very idea of them being an official "couple." It sounds like he was doing his darndest to make it crystal-clear that she doesn't bowl him over and shouldn't expect a commitment from him, but should stick around...for companionship? Sex? I don't know, the OP will know.
I could be wrong. He could just be a very slow mover. And that would be fine...with a good match who isn't questioning like the OP is. JMO, but this will probably just keep on bothering you, OP. I agree with srjth. There are guys who are dying to "put a label on it." I never had a guy crazy about me who wasn't pretty darned anxious to do so. It's all about who is a good match for whom.
Would I be wrong to ask him to clarify “what he consider me as”.
“Casual hookup” “friends with benefits” but those are still label right?
Wrong? Not really. Pushy? A little.
It's uncool, though, because frankly it sounds like YOU don't even know what you want the two of you to be, so why should you pressure him to tell you what HE thinks?
I don't have the patience for guys who don't KNOW they want me. But you don't sound sure yourself.
But you did ask him already and he answered you by saying that he doesn't want to answer. You want him to know what he wants, but he doesn't. Asking again won't make him know.
I agree. IME (and this is JUST my experience, mind you), I never had things work out when one of us was lukewarm like this and the other (i.e. the OP) was wondering and questioning and not quite comfortable. There was just already an inequality there.
The OP can certainly see where this goes but to me it sounds like he was almost literally putting up his hand to push back at the very idea of them being an official "couple." It sounds like he was doing his darndest to make it crystal-clear that she doesn't bowl him over and shouldn't expect a commitment from him, but should stick around...for companionship? Sex? I don't know, the OP will know.
I could be wrong. He could just be a very slow mover. And that would be fine...with a good match who isn't questioning like the OP is. JMO, but this will probably just keep on bothering you, OP. I agree with srjth. There are guys who are dying to "put a label on it." I never had a guy crazy about me who wasn't pretty darned anxious to do so. It's all about who is a good match for whom.
Yeah I agree I think he just indifference towards me.
But you did ask him already and he answered you by saying that he doesn't want to answer. You want him to know what he wants, but he doesn't. Asking again won't make him know.
Yes.
And IMO, not wanting to answer says a lot all by itself.
It just feels like he's not your match, OP. He doesn't sound like a bad guy, but you won't get more comfortable hanging around him and wondering and him continuing to pull back (probably). I'd be non-exclusive with him at the very least - I'd tell him, though, to clarify - and I'd go if I found someone who was a better match. Or I'd just break up with him, but I don't know about advocating a breakup when I don't actually know you and this guy isn't really doing anything "bad" or "wrong" per se. That's up to you, and also up to him. JMO.
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It's all about who is a good match for whom.
