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So my weirdly long-term FWB situation seems to be over. We talked about giving a relationship a try and he did one of his disappearing acts after saying he wanted to give it a go. I went into it a while back knowing that any future was unlikely and I was fine with that. I was not ready to be in any kind of relationship given my situation, and he was just what i needed at the time. I think I was good for him too - he's a combat vet with severe PTSD, and I am a good listener and very hard to shock. I have no regrets about it, and I'm a realist about why we couldn't take it farther.
But after more than a year of therapy to deal with a bunch of issues, I feel ready to give a relationship a try (thus the situation with the FWB). I'm 42, so that's a little sad, I guess. Bu. t there was a lot of stuff in my past to work through.
In any case, there is a brand-new member of one of my creative groups that I belong to. He's smart and good-looking and seems to find me interesting. In our group discussions, he has repeatedly referenced my comments (and I have really enjoyed his contributions) and after I friended him on facebook, he started liking my posts pretty regularly, so I know we have similar values. He appears to be single, but possibly newly divorced.
I'm a beloved member of this group and have made a diverse range of friends through it. Basically, I don't want to poop where I eat, to put it more delicately than I usually do. But this is the first guy I've had a serious interest in other than the FWB in a looong time.
So I'm looking for nonawkward ideas on how to find out this guy's relationship status and ask him out for drinks (or coffee???). And how do I make sure the group dynamic stays chill - I think this guy is a great addition to the group, my attraction aside. He has great insights.
In any case, there is a brand-new member of one of my creative groups that I belong to.
How "brand new" to the group is he? You don't want to attack too early and scare him off.
Does the group ever go out after meeting to hang out/socialize etc? To me, that would be a logical setting in which to pair off with him, talk, flirt a teeny tiny bit, and get to know him better.
Are you worried some other female from the group is going to get to him first since he is such a catch?
Also, with him being newly divorced- my rational side says just be friends and get to know him, but if the chemistry was incredible then I would probably be all ova that!
In any case, there is a brand-new member of one of my creative groups that I belong to. He's smart and good-looking and seems to find me interesting. In our group discussions, he has repeatedly referenced my comments (and I have really enjoyed his contributions) and after I friended him on facebook, he started liking my posts pretty regularly, so I know we have similar values. He appears to be single, but possibly newly divorced.
First, take a deep breath and relax.
Second, you need to find out if he's even divorced or single before you keep growing your feelings towards him.
Third, if he is single, you have two ways to do it. You can either rush in, which is my preferred way, but sometimes explodes in my face (and his); or you can take it slow and get to know him slowly and wait for him to show his interest in you. In my opinion, both methods are risky, so it's just a matter of which one you're more comfortable with.
Well, you know you like him as a friend, so move forward with that. I would ask him out for drinks or something, keep the conversation on your shared interests and see what's up.
That will give you chance to find out if he is single and such, and the worst case scenario if he isn't single is you've made a new friend.
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Take it slow seems to be the general consensus. Well, that and verify his singletude. Got it.
I think the attraction IS there on his part. I felt like he was looking at me the whole time. It was a little weird. But then also, I'm kind of an extrovert when I'm in a comfortable situation, and I'm VERY comfortable with this crowd.So maybe he just found me obnoxious, lol.
Either way, we'll see if he shows up to the next meeting.
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