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No one needs to martyr themselves for two decades "for the sake of the kids." And it's not necessarily better to keep children in a broken home, which is what you're already doing. There is no way you two are providing them an example of a loving environment when you feel the way you do.
I think you need to take some time to educate yourself about what it would take to end your marriage and live on your own. This link has information about a free seminar you can attend in your area that has experts to talk to women about what steps you should take if you are thinking about divorce. I have attended one of these and found it very helpful. They usually have an attorney to talk about legal and financial matters and even a psychologist to talk about emotional considerations. There is a tab where you can look for a seminar near you:
You also need to figure out your employment options so you can support yourself.
I know you have been miserable for a long time, but there is no reason to believe that your being in the same house with a man you can barely tolerate is a better setting for your kids to grow up in.
Its so hard. I wish i had finished school and landed a career where I can fully support myself and kids. If I take on the full time job, I'd have to get childcare and since we are married I'd have to discuss it with him abd its his kids too so he gets a say, you know what I mean? Even if I pay for it 100% he'd disagree saying my money is his money too and vice versa, its family money and at the end of the day theres no point in working full time, paying child care, and take home what im making now part time.
He's gotten so hostile and possesses a resting ***** face that i really dont enjoy being around him much less visiting family with him. They always ask me if he's mad about something. It sucks. Whenever he goes to work, the air just becomes so much lighter. I want a way out, i just dont know how or how to tell my kids. This morning he was sick and acted like he was dying i asked him if he could turn away from us when he coughs because i dont want myself or kids getting sick. He got mad at me and stormed out the room.
Its so hard. I wish i had finished school and landed a career where I can fully support myself and kids. If I take on the full time job, I'd have to get childcare and since we are married I'd have to discuss it with him abd its his kids too so he gets a say, you know what I mean? Even if I pay for it 100% he'd disagree saying my money is his money too and vice versa, its family money and at the end of the day theres no point in working full time, paying child care, and take home what im making now part time.
That all gets worked out with your divorce agreement and parenting plan. You are both legally bound to comply with it.
Is there a way you can go back to school now or look into completing a certification that would enable you to get a better job?
That all gets worked out with your divorce agreement and parenting plan. You are both legally bound to comply with it.
Is there a way you can go back to school now or look into completing a certification that would enable you to get a better job?
No problem at all. Just get divorced, have 3 kids to take care of, and start over with no money. BirdieBelle can send you $20 a month to help out.
OP -- get your head on straight -- there are things you can do to work on this marriage and change your situation first. YOU DO NOT HAVE THE FINANCES TO GET DIVORCED. Not at this stage.
No problem at all. Just get divorced, have 3 kids to take care of, and start over with no money. BirdieBelle can send you $20 a month to help out.
OP -- get your head on straight -- there are things you can do to work on this marriage and change your situation first. YOU DO NOT HAVE THE FINANCES TO GET DIVORCED. Not at this stage.
It would be so much more humane if you would offer specific things she could do to make her situation better rather than checking in every week just to pile on.
No problem at all. Just get divorced, have 3 kids to take care of, and start over with no money. BirdieBelle can send you $20 a month to help out.
OP -- get your head on straight -- there are things you can do to work on this marriage and change your situation first. YOU DO NOT HAVE THE FINANCES TO GET DIVORCED. Not at this stage.
She has no options.
Stay miserable married to Broke Man Grinch and produce dysfunctional kids.
Get divorced broke and homeless on the streets and produce dysfunctional kids.
I don't understand why people have 3 kids these days and the husband didn't become this way overnight. It's been 8 years. But it's already done. Women who don't believe in Abortion should practice abstinence. Now that child will suffer in a dysfunctional encounter either way and grow up to hate both parents. Just plain selfish.
It would be so much more humane if you would offer specific things she could do to make her situation better rather than checking in every week just to pile on.
My suggestion was that she have a sit down with hubby - no yelling and screaming, but an honest and well thought out discussion about some things that need to change. The OP was given some other good advice about trying to find some part time work, bettering her skills, and joining a group with other parents. All good ideas.
Our relationship is pretty much doomed. Two nights ago he wanted sex and i found all the ways i could to say no. Last time we had sex was 4 months ago and i had to force myself. Im not into it, since my second child which is about 5 years now. Last baby was a one time thing and we conceived him on the spot. I've even grown less attracted to him since i lost a lot of weight in the past 1.5 year, and the more I feel good about myself physically the more I grow apart from him.
Why do you have to FIND ways to say no to him with sex? Have you already explained to him why you dont feel attracted to him? If he is still trying for sex, it sounds like you havent. If that wasnt discussed Im sure there is tons of other things you havent discussed with him as well.
This. I say stick with therapy and work out the logistics of saving up money and seeking employment.
The thing is, the OP doesn't even have to actively seek employment. Full-time employment offers have found her. Even her current employer has offered a full-time option.
OP, I don't understand your statement (your husband's statement), that your working full-time conflicts with his work schedule. You work from home, so I assume this would be full-time work from home, is that right? You're home all day, anyway, so how could earning money while staying at home conflict with anything your husband is doing?
Who marries a guy who waits tables, anyway? Why did your parents push you into marriage with this guy? What do your parents say now? Have you ever suggested going to marriage counseling together?
As I recall from your earlier thread about the restaurant issue, you were given some legal advice about how your husband could go about getting some of his money back. It had something to do with saving any documentation from his pay stubs, or whatever paperwork exists relating to his wages. Did anything come of that?
Who marries a guy who waits tables, anyway? Why did your parents push you into marriage with this guy? What do your parents say now? Have you ever suggested going to marriage counseling together?
She did mention something about an "shady deal" gone bad and they lost all of their assets. Theres more to this than the OP is revealing.
Last edited by Harry Hemi; 11-28-2018 at 10:39 AM..
The usual "sit down and talk" platitudes won't apply here.
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