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If I could talk to your bf I would say run for the hills. This is insecurity at it's finest. You are basically stalking his Instagram to see what he is doing. What's next, taking his phone while he sleeps and reading all of his texts and emails? This has disaster written all over it. Give him a reason to cheat and he will either walk away or cheat. Sounds like my ex who needed to know where I was 24/7.
wow, really, he can't like other pictures on instragram?. You are being way too over sensitive. I'm married and my husband likes pictures on instagram, even of other women. Who cares? If you are this worked up about something this small, i can't imagine when a big issue comes up.
You quite frankly sound to be way insecure and jealous, and if i were this guy i would be running away once you brought this up. Also, you don't need to look at what he is liking on instagram, why are you even doing that?
And if this bothers you that much, and you must have someone who never looks or likes pictures of others, you are with the wrong person. My husband would serious burst into laughter if i brought this up, because it is just so silly.
You are not right or wrong for having feelings about it.
When you communicate with him, and you should, I think the emphasis needs to be on your feelings. Tell him how you feel about this.
If he is defensive or tries to say that you "shouldn't feel that way" (which many people would say, but it's wrong because no one really has the right to tell another person how to feel or not feel) then it comes to a point of disagreement maybe. Worst case, you think that you are right and he should care how you feel enough to stop this behavior, because it bothers you, and you are not willing to disconnect with him on social media and ignore it, you need it to stop to feel ok. He believes that his behavior is fine and won't stop doing it. The bottom line question is, is your position so important that you would give up the relationship? Is his position so important to him that he would give up the relationship? How important to each of you, are your feelings on the subject?
That is how we have to handle conflict. And if, in a conflict situation, one person ends up deciding that in fact it's not so important to them, and they can compromise, then they have to own that choice and not let it breed resentment.
It has nothing to do with how objectively right or wrong the subject of the conflict is.
In my own relationship, I have that bad feeling inside about pornography. I have thought it through and realized that most of my insecure feelings about it, are my own problem. They are because of my own sensitivities and triggers. I do not doubt that my boyfriend loves me and enjoys me and wants me. The porn is no real threat to me. I have no right to demand that he change any aspect of his behavior, either I feel so strongly about it that I would say "I can not be in a relationship with you and live with this discomfort" or else the relationship's benefits are much greater than my discomfort, in which case I will work through it instead. I let him know how I felt, but did not demand any changes to his activity. I chose to work through my discomfort, and in fact asked for his help in doing so. We are working on this. I have no resentment.
If I had chosen otherwise, and said to him, "I feel very uncomfortable and I cannot stay with you if you are doing this. It's not healthy to my emotions." Then he would have the choice, is the relationship so important that he would change his behavior, or is his freedom to do this thing more important than the relationship? That would be his choice to make, even if I cornered him into making it. But I'd have to say those words from a genuine place, knowing that I am willing to give up the relationship rather than deal with this. It would have to be THAT important to me.
How important is this, to you?
Also, I have to say, I am really happy about the fact that neither of us really knows or cares what the other one does online. My guy is not on social media, and I don't ask about the female friends he continues to talk to via email or whatever. I know there are some, but it's none of my business. Both of us are very secure in our trust of each other, so we just don't need to play detective about this stuff. It's very, very nice.
You are not right or wrong for having feelings about it.
When you communicate with him, and you should, I think the emphasis needs to be on your feelings. Tell him how you feel about this.
If he is defensive or tries to say that you "shouldn't feel that way" (which many people would say, but it's wrong because no one really has the right to tell another person how to feel or not feel) then it comes to a point of disagreement maybe. Worst case, you think that you are right and he should care how you feel enough to stop this behavior, because it bothers you, and you are not willing to disconnect with him on social media and ignore it, you need it to stop to feel ok. He believes that his behavior is fine and won't stop doing it. The bottom line question is, is your position so important that you would give up the relationship? Is his position so important to him that he would give up the relationship? How important to each of you, are your feelings on the subject?
That is how we have to handle conflict. And if, in a conflict situation, one person ends up deciding that in fact it's not so important to them, and they can compromise, then they have to own that choice and not let it breed resentment.
It has nothing to do with how objectively right or wrong the subject of the conflict is.
In my own relationship, I have that bad feeling inside about pornography. I have thought it through and realized that most of my insecure feelings about it, are my own problem. They are because of my own sensitivities and triggers. I do not doubt that my boyfriend loves me and enjoys me and wants me. The porn is no real threat to me. I have no right to demand that he change any aspect of his behavior, either I feel so strongly about it that I would say "I can not be in a relationship with you and live with this discomfort" or else the relationship's benefits are much greater than my discomfort, in which case I will work through it instead. I let him know how I felt, but did not demand any changes to his activity. I chose to work through my discomfort, and in fact asked for his help in doing so. We are working on this. I have no resentment.
If I had chosen otherwise, and said to him, "I feel very uncomfortable and I cannot stay with you if you are doing this. It's not healthy to my emotions." Then he would have the choice, is the relationship so important that he would change his behavior, or is his freedom to do this thing more important than the relationship? That would be his choice to make, even if I cornered him into making it. But I'd have to say those words from a genuine place, knowing that I am willing to give up the relationship rather than deal with this. It would have to be THAT important to me.
How important is this, to you?
Also, I have to say, I am really happy about the fact that neither of us really knows or cares what the other one does online. My guy is not on social media, and I don't ask about the female friends he continues to talk to via email or whatever. I know there are some, but it's none of my business. Both of us are very secure in our trust of each other, so we just don't need to play detective about this stuff. It's very, very nice.
Thanks for this
It leaves me a lot to think about
I wouldn’t say I would leave him due to this.
But his reaction would make a lot difference on how I am feeling.
If he dismisses my feelings as silly or unreasonable then I don’t think I would be able to continue with the relationship.
I still have not decided how to tell him about it.
I guess I have to figure out a way to injest social media behaviour into normal chitchat and and then express my feelings around it.
How can you go through his instagram? Did you log onto his account? Or can you see what he likes from your account?
Oh dear
I went special length to find this out.
We are not following each other on social media.
He actually followed me initiating when we met/start talking- way before we started dating and I actually deleted him, I which I didn’t.
Basically I clicked on few ladies he is following and I checked who liked their pictures and he was included there.
The latest likes he gave was 5 days ago. I’m sure they are more recent ones but obviously it’s time consuming to go through all the ladies he is following. But seeing few that recent was very upsetting and I didn’t need to see more.
Good grief, you were snooping on him. Bad bad bad.
Yes I have
But I would not say it was bad.
He knows I have trust issues.
And he has not helped with this “liking”
Like someone else said how do I know he is not DMing them.
It is definitely something I need to discuss with him, I just don’t know how yet.
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