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You are right that the father coming back into the picture isn't very likely but you also completely missed my point, which was that it could have been any number of possible things and there just isn't much point in speculating about it.
And furthermore, that not everything is about you. I put high odds on her reason for ghosting you, having pretty much nothing to do with you, or anything you did or didn't do. Everything to do with her and some kind of STUFF going on in her life. Sometimes, it really isn't you...it's them.
Fair and more than likely correct.
Still beyond frustrating to be ghosted without as much of a one sentence text explaining a bit. I would have completely understood.
32 year old mother of one 3 year old son. Never married. Local... reaches out to me on Match.com. We hit it off right away with a few messages and are talking about going out that night, a Wednesday, but the truth was I had always been very hesitant in dating single mothers so I let her know that I'm only looking to casually date right now. By this I was trying to protect her from possibly taking things too seriously on this first date as again, I have never been crazy about the single mom idea. She tells me that casual doesn't work for her and writes "Thank you for being honest. Good luck". I quickly explain to her how by casual I hope she knows I didn't mean sleeping around but more so "just not looking for a serious commitment right this second". She then says ok and our date is set for that night down the block from my apartment.
On the date, something shocking happened that I hadn't experienced in a long, long time. The girl is so beautiful to the point where I feel that rare, once in a blue moon type of attraction to her, and on top of that, we are hitting it off BIG time. Chemistry that can only be described as awesome. We were truly enjoying each others company. I was floored bc I didn't have big expectations going into this. She does however tell me that while she's dated here and there recently as far as meeting people through friends, there has been nothing worthwhile and I am her FIRST date from Match. She says she just signed up a week ago and her "Friend" pushed her to do it. Ok. She comes back to my place for glass of wine and I give her a massage which she loves before we end up fooling around a bit more. With regards to sex she tells me she doesn't want to be a "first date girl" and she just has to get to know me better first. However she does say she wants it really bad and can tell we would have great chemistry. She has to force herself to hold off. I tell her I completely understand all that and don't want her to feel pressured. She also specifically tells me how she's "Ok" with casual dating and says "I'm not looking to get married tomorrow". We even make plans for a second date on the spot. She seems very happy. I was happy. I offer to drive her home which she loves and texts me later saying it was "beyond sweet" of me to do. There was hand holding on the ride home as well. One of the nicest first dates I've personally have ever had. In a nutshell, i was considering wanting to really get to know this girl. A complete 180 from my thoughts just a few hours earlier.
Date #2 is a few days later on Saturday. She suddenly can't get a babysitter to go out to the restaurant and has no choice but to invite me over her place after her son is asleep. I was fine with it. I offer to bring over drinks and she orders takeout. The chemistry is still amazing and we are both having a great time. At 34 and a BUNCH of dates in the past, I can whole heartedly say that this was real deal great chemistry. Laughing, talking, laughing, talking, nonstop. However, in an unfortunate twist her kid actually WAKES UP about 2 hours in and isn't feeling well. I don't see the kid. He's in his room crying. She seems stressed beyond belief but I tell her to do whatever she has to do and to take her time. Unfortunately the kid is sick and I offer to leave which with tears in her eyes she hints for me to do. As she tells me "If you don't ever want to see me again I understand" I say not to worry and how I totally understand how she has a child and what comes with that. I give her a kiss goodnight. She texts me saying she's so sorry, how this never happens, and how I’m “amazing” for being so understanding. Also says she was having fun with me and was “really looking forward to seeing me today”. Concrete evidence that she was at least somewhat legitimately into me, which I had already kind of had the idea of. I tell her "Same here". All was still fine IMO.
The next day (Sunday) I texted her asking how the kid was. She says thanks for asking and he's doing better with meds. We send a couple texts back and forth and the convo fizzles out. I didn't want to go right in with asking her on date #3. I wanted to wait a day or two. I've learned from experience that going full steam ahead within the first few weeks of dating someone typically isn't the best idea. Monday there was no communication. Then Tuesday around noon I text her. I invite her over my place for Friday night and say I will cook something nice for the two of us. While she was at work all day until 7:30pm, she did NOT respond to this text message until 8:30pm. She has written back at work to me before. She says she's can't Friday bc she has a "holiday party". NO counteroffer. Asks how my day was though. I was honestly very surprised at no counter along with the near 9 hours later response and wrote back something simple. She still responded, but it took another HOUR to do so. That's odd, I thought. But I didn't think into it too much more. I was however thinking that I should have given her options as far as what night to go out while I instead zeroed in on Friday.
So before momentum starts to fizzle out, the next night, Wednesday, I ask her if she want to go OUT to dinner with me if she's free within the next few days. She responds upbeat and says she's working late tomorrow and of course has the holiday party Friday but says "Maybe I can try and get a sitter for next week??". I tell her sure what day works for you? Lets plan ahead so you can get that sitter. She responds an hour later saying "Ok let me see what I can do about a sitter". That was Wednesday night.
Thursday, Friday and Saturday all went by with nothing. Finally Sunday night, rather late at 9:30p though not late for her, I send a casual text asking about her favorite football team, hoping to feel her out a bit. I make no mention of a third date and no bugging about the babysitter situation.
Ghosted.
It's been a week now and I'm still kind of in shock, and I'll admit, I was hurt. I had grown to like the girl enough to want to see things through. Just what on Earth happened I thought? An amazing two dates. Chemistry I hadn't experienced in a long time. Treating her nicely. And of course a text after our second date basically implying that she was definitely into this.
Did this brand new to Match.com girl just get spooked by the thought of legitimately dating someone when maybe she knew she really can't with a 3 year old? After all, it was only the second date when she couldn't get a sitter and then basically had to kick me out of her apartment bc of her kid. Stressful times for the girl no doubt, but to suddenly decide she just can't do this and then GHOST me without so much as a small explanation? What the hel is this dating world coming to?
Got cold feet. All you can do is move on and delete her from your life. Make it as if you never even met her.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 8 days ago)
35,634 posts, read 17,975,706 times
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So she just got on Match, has never tried it before? And she's gorgeous and fun? My guess is, she found someone she feels more compatible with, who says he's actually very ready to settle down once he finds the right woman. Maybe he has a child also, and is ready to have a whole family.
You only had 1 1/2 dates.
There are people who are real pleasers, who pretend to be having much more fun/more attraction than they're feeling - sounds like this is the case with her, IMHO.
Like I said, you are looking at this strictly from YOUR point of view, and you can't know what she is dealing with or what things seem like to her.
If she's flighty and flaky, her reasoning may have no logic behind it but may be based entirely on emotion. But we could speculate all the livelong day and never know.
If you're trying to do a post-mortem for next time, I would say stick with your deal-breakers. Saying, "I don't want this ..." and then pivoting and saying, "Actually I'm ok with THIS ..." once you start talking can make people have second thoughts.
If she didn't feel that way, then maybe she should have said so. There's no excuse for just disappearing.
So she just got on Match, has never tried it before? And she's gorgeous and fun? My guess is, she found someone she feels more compatible with, who says he's actually very ready to settle down once he finds the right woman. Maybe he has a child also, and is ready to have a whole family.
And my guess is, gorgeous and fun or not, to find another guy within the span of the one week or even few days (depending on how you want to look at it) where this began to fall apart that she ALSO happened to like that much better enough to just quickly push me aside like a piece of trash and eventually ghost, is not just unlikely, it's almost impossible. If this had been going on for one month or two I'd say ok, very decent chance. One week? Doubt that. Just going by logic, that's all. Just my two cents.
And my guess is, gorgeous and fun or not, to find another guy within the span of the few days where this began to fall apart that she ALSO happened to like that much better enough to just quickly push me aside like a piece of trash and eventually ghost, is extremely unlikely. If this had been going on for one month or two I'd say ok, very decent chance. One week? Doubt that. Just going by logic, that's all. Just my two cents.
Not as unlikely as you might think. On OLD an attractive (and even unattractive) woman will have her inbox flooded with dozens upon dozens of guys' messages in just a couple of hours of activating a profile. They very much do have their pick and a new guy is always just one swipe away. It's a very different situation than trying to find someone in real life the old fashioned way.
The woman does not owe anything to you. You had 1.5 dates. A person owes nothing to a person with whom one has 1 or 1.5 dates. It's not really even ghosting - she was never in your life.
And I don't think ghosting is wrong in this situation - not at all. The interaction was so tiny and so limited.
Not as unlikely as you might think. On OLD an attractive (and even unattractive) woman will have her inbox flooded with dozens upon dozens of guys' messages in just a couple of hours of activating a profile. They very much do have their pick and a new guy is always just one swipe away. It's a very different situation than trying to find someone in real life the old fashioned way.
I know all about how the inboxes get flooded for women on these sites. But I suppose my point was more about for her to go out with one, maybe two guys max (she's a single mom after all who more than likely isn't going out on a date every night) in the very short span of time to where she began to fade away, and just so happen to be completely into said guy enough to just drop me, a guy she was into at least in some form, is in fact unlikely. Again if we were dating for a few weeks or a month and she was playing the field with other guys during that time I'd say ok there's a very good chance you're right.
It's not about having endless messages. They all do. Getting a normal non creep guy to actually like is a whole other ball game. Same thing with men looking for women as yours truly can attest to.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 8 days ago)
35,634 posts, read 17,975,706 times
Reputation: 50663
Quote:
Originally Posted by LI7788
And my guess is, gorgeous and fun or not, to find another guy within the span of the one week or even few days (depending on how you want to look at it) where this began to fall apart that she ALSO happened to like that much better enough to just quickly push me aside like a piece of trash and eventually ghost, is not just unlikely, it's almost impossible. If this had been going on for one month or two I'd say ok, very decent chance. One week? Doubt that. Just going by logic, that's all. Just my two cents.
Well, ok. She DID just join match, and as I understand it, she'd be really in demand and would have MANY choices to pick from, all of a sudden. She would have many very attractive men/stable/responsible men seeking her out. And they may be very much looking to marry, not to date casually, so she would feel like they had the same goals.
But you know her. What's YOUR best guess about why she stopped being interested in you?
If she didn't feel that way, then maybe she should have said so. There's no excuse for just disappearing.
I agree.
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