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I avoid confrontation at all costs sometimes so I put my needs last. I’m getting a little better but haven’t tackled it yet unless I really get pushed but that rarely occurs.
You sound like a person that is not able to tell people no.
Listen to your daughter and do not let him into your home.
Stray cats will use every means to get in the house. Stop feeding them.
She knows he lives in an apartment and she also knows he works in an eyeglass store. She’s smart and knows he got wiped out after his business failed.
She knows he lives in an apartment and she also knows he works in an eyeglass store. She’s smart and knows he got wiped out after his business failed.
Even without knowing your daughter, it's doubtful to me that mere snobbery is fueling her mistrust of your boyfriend. There is no shame in either living in an apartment or honest, if lower paid, work. Read your own original post(s), pretend that they were written by either a friend or a stranger seeking advice, and seriously ask yourself what you think of that person's quandary. Would you advise them to cohabitate let alone legally bind themselves to the man in question?
Love him, date him, cook for him, sleep with him, but do not under any circumstances live with him. (And for goodness' sake, what middle aged and above man would be so invested in Facebook, let alone *your* Facebook page?)
The fact that he's lied to you in the past about his finances (or lack thereof) and is pushing so hard to marry or move in with you are likely the things that concern her. I can just about guarantee that you know that, too, or you wouldn't be posting here trying to get the go-ahead from strangers rather than trusting the instincts of both yourself and your daughter.
Last edited by Formerly Known As Twenty; 01-04-2019 at 06:33 PM..
It seems you are caught in a power struggle between your boyfriend and daughter. Your boyfriend senses your daughter thinks he's not good enough and perhaps thinks you are ashamed of him. Your daughter is probably fearful of your boyfriend using you financially. The over-riding issue is that he lied about his finances. Can you accept that? Where do you see this relationship headed? Do you expect him to be able to stand on his own two feet or do you expect to support him. I think you need to decide where you see this relationship long-term and be honest with him and your daughter. I can understand how he feels about your not being truthful with your daughter but the facebook thing is over the top especially since you prefer to
keep your life private.
As other posters suggested, moving in together should be the last step if you've addressed this issues and feel there is long-term potential.
Is it just this man your daughter objects to or would she object to any man with whom you were involved?
Don't let him move in or your home will never be your own again. He will bully you into marrying him and bully his way onto the property deed and bully his way into taking care of the finances. What is wrong with the status quo? If he loves and respects you he will accept leaving things the way they are.
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