Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm asking because of my personal experience on this. People seem to give up so easily. What was your experience on this?
3 years ago I became friends with an amazing girl. Truthfully, I never saw her as anything more than that. Yet we we're always extremely touchy with each other and spent countless hours laughing at the stupidest things. Never in my life had I felt so compatible with someone.
As time passed so did my time with her. Only a few month left until her graduation day and that's when her behavior changed. She began to spend every single day by me. Whenever it was cold she would mercilessly strangle herself within my arms not giving a single damn about all the friends surrounding us. We started staying after school madly flirting with each other on the football field. For a moment we stared into each other's eyes and that's when I knew, I was in love.
2 month left of her senior year and we decided we wanted to give us a try. The feeling was indescribable, even her best friend said that we we're so compatible it was scary. She revealed to me that she had a crush on me for 3 years and that even when she was with her previous ex she had thought about me.
But we had an obvious and ongoing problem. She had to go off to college and was afraid things would go wrong. We cried about it and she told that if she really did love me she would have to let me go. Yet we didn't break up, instead we cried, made out in the corner of the school, went on our first date and met her parents all within the same week.
1 month left until graduation. A friend of mine told me she had discussed to him about us. She said I was great and everything she ever wanted but she didn't think it was going to work out in college.
I was devastated, I thought we had everything cleared up. Soon I realized that I was in a relationship with someone who had doubt about us. I became incredibly insecure and repeatedly asked myself why. So I had to ask and I did, were you cheating on me? She told me she would never and proceeded to comfort me. But as the weeks went by she became distant.
The beginning of our downfall was the worst. We broke up, a month before she departs to college. She was hurt because I didn't trust her, but even now I never told her why I began to feel insecure.
She threw me a cushion of words to soften the break up. Things like, I need to work on myself, maybe once we figure this out again we can get back together and I still want you there as a friend. Worst thing was, the college was only 40 minutes away.
So my question, why does a individual begin feeling overwhelmingly amounts of doubt? Are they afraid of being tied down? Is it because we are teenagers with unavoidable amounts of immaturity?
Did you really want to ask this general question or did you just want to rant about YOUR specific situation?
Because there could be a plethora of reasons for why other people do this.
Not every break up is because they "gave up too easily." Sometimes breaking up before moving away to a new location is good thing. Some people know themselves enough to know they don't want to do an LDR or they are too easily tempted by other people to be in a relationship. You're just hurt right because her decision to leave you is affecting your emotions. Looking back you may be grateful she left you. Once you get passed it, you won't care anymore about "why people break up before college."
I'm asking because of my personal experience on this. People seem to give up so easily. What was your experience on this?
3 years ago I became friends with an amazing girl. Truthfully, I never saw her as anything more than that. Yet we we're always extremely touchy with each other and spent countless hours laughing at the stupidest things. Never in my life had I felt so compatible with someone.
As time passed so did my time with her. Only a few month left until her graduation day and that's when her behavior changed. She began to spend every single day by me. Whenever it was cold she would mercilessly strangle herself within my arms not giving a single damn about all the friends surrounding us. We started staying after school madly flirting with each other on the football field. For a moment we stared into each other's eyes and that's when I knew, I was in love.
2 month left of her senior year and we decided we wanted to give us a try. The feeling was indescribable, even her best friend said that we we're so compatible it was scary. She revealed to me that she had a crush on me for 3 years and that even when she was with her previous ex she had thought about me.
But we had an obvious and ongoing problem. She had to go off to college and was afraid things would go wrong. We cried about it and she told that if she really did love me she would have to let me go. Yet we didn't break up, instead we cried, made out in the corner of the school, went on our first date and met her parents all within the same week.
1 month left until graduation. A friend of mine told me she had discussed to him about us. She said I was great and everything she ever wanted but she didn't think it was going to work out in college.
I was devastated, I thought we had everything cleared up. Soon I realized that I was in a relationship with someone who had doubt about us. I became incredibly insecure and repeatedly asked myself why. So I had to ask and I did, were you cheating on me? She told me she would never and proceeded to comfort me. But as the weeks went by she became distant.
The beginning of our downfall was the worst. We broke up, a month before she departs to college. She was hurt because I didn't trust her, but even now I never told her why I began to feel insecure.
She threw me a cushion of words to soften the break up. Things like, I need to work on myself, maybe once we figure this out again we can get back together and I still want you there as a friend. Worst thing was, the college was only 40 minutes away.
So my question, why does a individual begin feeling overwhelmingly amounts of doubt? Are they afraid of being tied down? Is it because we are teenagers with unavoidable amounts of immaturity?
What's your story?
OP, communication is the cornerstone of every solid relationship. You guys didn't really talk about the root of the issue. You should have invited her to sit and discuss the situation, and maybe prefaced it by saying you had something to tell her, a confession to make, however you want to present it, then tell her why you became insecure. It's not that you didn't trust her, but you were confused about why she seemed to be pulling away, for no apparent reason.
She said, "as soon as we figure this out again..." Figure what out? What's there to figure out? It sounds like everything was fine, then suddenly, she started pulling away, as her HS graduation and college-start dates neared. So ask her, why that would have had any bearing on what you guys had together. Just ask.
If you guys have cried together, you're capable of having this heart-to-heart conversation.
That really stings, that her college is only 40 minutes away. That's bus-able. And where are you going to college?
Some couples go to different colleges, and one or both might think they want to try dating different people, but I've seen cases where they do that, then decide it's a mine field out there, lol, and that what they have together is much better. Anyone who says, she probably wants to be free to date others, is just speculating. We don't know what she's thinking, and you've failed to find out, thus far.
She probably cared about you but she's young and wanted to experience her college years without being attached to one person.
Especially when that one person is not physically in the same place she is and can't spend time with her. High school relationships are so rarely long-lasting that I don't blame her for wanting to have a college experience that's isn't tied to someone far away.
Especially when that one person is not physically in the same place she is and can't spend time with her. High school relationships are so rarely long-lasting that I don't blame her for wanting to have a college experience that's isn't tied to someone far away.
The interesting thing in this case, though, is that they didn't have a relationship for most of the HS time; the relationship developed at the end, out of a friendship, if I understood the OP correctly. And the OP will be only 40 minutes away from her,, when she leaves for college; it will be easy enough for him to be physically in the same place with her on weekends.
What whatever the case is, I think there's been a failure of meaningful communication between the two, on the breakup issue, and what the OP perceives as events leading up to it. I think it would be good for the OP to get clarification of that, if only to be clear on where she stands, and why she started to pull away. It sounds like she's placing some of the blame on his insecurity, which came across to her as a lack of trust, but that overlooks the fact that she had started to pull away for, to the OP, mysterious reasons, and that's what caused his insecurity.
Anyway, I hope the OP has a chance to have a heart-to-heart talk with her. IDK, by now, presumably, she's already been in college for a semester, been home for winter holiday break, and has gone back to college.
OP, did you see each other during winter break? Did you try to see her then? Seems like there's some info missing from the picture, unless she only started college just this month.
The interesting thing in this case, though, is that they didn't have a relationship for most of the HS time; the relationship developed at the end, out of a friendship, if I understood the OP correctly. And the OP will be only 40 minutes away from her,, when she leaves for college; it will be easy enough for him to be physically in the same place with her on weekends.
What whatever the case is, I think there's been a failure of meaningful communication between the two, on the breakup issue, and what the OP perceives as events leading up to it. I think it would be good for the OP to get clarification of that, if only to be clear on where she stands, and why she started to pull away. It sounds like she's placing some of the blame on his insecurity, which came across to her as a lack of trust, but that overlooks the fact that she had started to pull away for, to the OP, mysterious reasons, and that's what caused his insecurity.
Anyway, I hope the OP has a chance to have a heart-to-heart talk with her. IDK, by now, presumably, she's already been in college for a semester, been home for winter holiday break, and has gone back to college.
OP, did you see each other during winter break? Did you try to see her then? Seems like there's some info missing from the picture, unless she only started college just this month.
I feel for the OP in that it sucks to be dumped, but these people are 18/19 years old and started officially dating 2 months before she graduated. I don't know that overthinking everything and fighting so hard for true love is the way to go in this case. Sometimes you just have to take your lumps and get on with your life.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 01-19-2019 at 01:56 PM..
Most everyone has teenage loves that don't make it. Also, if she is going to college and you aren't, chances are the relationship wouldn't work out. People with similar levels of education are more likely to stay together.
You and she didn't have much time invested with each other. I dare say she was being more mature and realistic about the relationship than you.
My HS gf dumped me right before college. Sorta changed me a bit. I was slightly more reserved with me feelings after that.
She reached out to me a few yrs ago on FB. Chatted a bit and she'll like a post of mine occasionally. From what I can glean she didn't do well in life. Bounced from a few men, they supported her and she never really had any meaningful jobs and seems to have a lot of personal issues.
I wish her well and all, but I can't lie when I say feel a tinge of superiority I guess living great is really the best revenge.
I also look back and think that I probably dodged a bullet. Mrs. Chow just chimed in and said, "Just went to a smaller caliber."
Last edited by Chowhound; 01-19-2019 at 02:10 PM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I guess living great is really the best revenge.
